Formed By Love, Part II

2007-07-10T10:11:00.000-04:00

Now that our family is complete,

we've officially moved. Our blog that is:

Please continue to follow our journey with 3 little ones and a teenager! There's never a dull moment!

http://www.deliveredfromheaven.blogspot.com

THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-12T09:28:00.000-04:00

We are finally counting down the hours instead of days before we leave to bring home our precious Anna Grace. I wanted to keep the journey travel part separate for her Lifebook, so I have created another blog that we will hopefully journal from daily while we are in China.

We will be spending the first 3 days in Kai’s birth city and from there, head to Hefei, where our sweetheart awaits.

Please keep us in your prayers for safe travels and that Kai’s going back to his birth country be a positive experience. Along with of course, our Anna Grace’s little heart being prepared for her new family. The new link is on the sidebar under Journey With Us To China!

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement on this journey of love. Oh! And please remember to sign her guestbook.

Our next post will be from China!!!!

Is this a test of my sanity?

2007-06-11T19:22:00.000-04:00

Kai usually takes a nap on my bed every afternoon. Twice now he has gotten into the basket on my nightstand where I have their cologne, baby powder, baby lotion, etc. and has TOTALLY emptied the baby powder everywhere...again, he has done this TWICE! He definitely knows that this basket is off limits to him, and I will win the war so I refuse to move it.

Well, today, I layed him down for a nap, came back out to the living room to continue packing AJs suitcase. About an hour later, I peeked into the room, and he was sleeping soundly. My sweet angel. He woke up from his nap about an hour after that and came out all smiles, as usual.

UGH! A few minutes later I go into our bedroom where my suitcase was on the other end of our king-sized bed (facing AWAY from him, but open) and lo and behold the little (I can't write what I'm thinking)...grabbed the entire thing of baby powder and dumped it all over the top layer of clothes in the suitcase!! Everything was snowy white!! It took everything in my power (after two good smacks on his bottom) to control myself and toss him in his crib. He's done this waaaay too many times now and completely knew because he starting saying..."No! No!" as I was heading into the bedroom. He knew! ::deep breaths:: Needless to say, the clothes in that suitcase had to be pulled out, relaundered and repacked.

An hour later, I start changing AJ who had a wet diaper. I figure I'll put fresh clothes on him, but get sidetracked with something and just change the diaper and put him in the playpen so I can continue with my list. About 20 minutes later, as I head back into the family room, something smells REALLY bad. I head over to AJ and it never fails...he had taken off his diaper and done a repeat performance of what he had done a few months ago! This time, all over the playpen and the stuffed animals in there. This boy LOVES to take off his diaper and spread poop everywhere. It never fails! So, crying (me that is), I grab him....toss him in the tub, and sat on the bathroom floor hysterical. This time there were no pictures.

And we want THREE? Please pray for me. It's been a rough day!!!

Hearts filled with gratitude...

2007-06-11T10:40:00.000-04:00

As we enter the final stages of our journey, there are so many people that we need to stop and thank for your roles in our journey to Anna Grace.

First and foremost, to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He led us to our Feng Qin and is now making her our forever daughter. We again humbly give you all the glory, honor and praise Lord for this blessing.

Scott and I are forever grateful to Anna Grace's birthmother for having given her the gift of life. For taking risks and courageously placing her in a place where she would be immediately found. May our Lord fill your heart with peace knowing that she will be a part of a family that will love her eternally.

A big thank you has to go to the world's best dossier consultant, Stephanie Reid. She has taken care of us during both of our China adoptions and not only is she the best at what she does, she is also a wonderful person with her own beautiful treasures from China.

To our children, especially Amanda, for the patience that she has shown throughout this journey. I know it must be tough having gone from no siblings at home to now three. The boys adore you and so will Anna Grace. And to all of my beautiful children, thank you for allowing yet another sibling into your hearts with as much love as I have for each of you.

To my family, especially my Mom, my sister and her husband. For praying for us, and encouraging and supporting us as the world thought we were crazy when we said we were going back, and for being there for us the entire journey.

To my Dad, who although had reservations about us going back again for another special needs child, not only supported us, but helped us financially to bring her home!

To our agency, Heritage Adoption Services. Peggy was amazing when we were trying to scramble to find out the details of Anna Grace's special need when we needed to make a decision. We are forever grateful for her honesty, support and efficiency. And to Vicki, the director, who has gone above and beyond to make sure that all has gone smoothly. We are so very impressed with their professionalism and would use them again in a heartbeat if God ever led us down this path again, although I believe our quiver is full and complete now.

A heartfelt thank you must go to the CCAA and The People's Republic of China, for trusting us once again that we will love and cherish one of their own.

And last, but not least, to a very special group of friends who have been there for me since day one of the journey. I know that you all know who you are. You have listened to me whine incessantly and have rejoiced and prayed with me both in thanksgiving and in requests. I know that it is because of your well wishes and prayers that our Lord has favored us with this blessing. Your friendships are treasured and I am so honored to have walked this journey with each you.

I posted this poem over a year ago on Kai's website when I came across it, and just find it fitting to end today's post with it again. Thank you all again and God bless you abundantly.

Why?

"On the street I saw a small girl,
cold and shivering in a thin dress,
with little hope of a decent meal.
I became angry and said to God:
"Why did you permit this?
Why don't you do something about it?"
For a while God said nothing.
That night he replied, quite subtlety
"I certainly did do something about it.
I made you.'"

Author Unknown

2 days left!! YIKES!!!!

2007-06-10T18:35:00.000-04:00

Yikes is right! We have two more wakeups left and I am running out of time. I've gotten a few emails asking where is today's countdown, but I am soooooooooooooo crazy busy today that I haven't had a chance. So, for now, here is the "Count" saying....."NUUUUMMMBER TWWWOOO". I will try and post later tonight.

PS. I had my first dream with Anna Grace last night!!! Ooohhh....I am so in love!

UPDATE ON TODAY: Ok...so, now I sit here answering email and proscratinating. Do you remember me saying I would be twiddling my thumbs with nothing to do but think about Anna Grace on Sunday night? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!! I have so much to do. I don't understand how things have piled up. Well, not true. I do understand. It's because I've looked at the list and read it 100x and keep finding other things to do but what's on there.

We got up early today and went to church. WOW!!! What a spirit filled mass. Half-way thru mass I felt this huge shower of peace come upon me. My sister asked me last night if I was nervous? You know, I said, "No...not nervous, maybe a little excited." But the question has resonated in my mind all day, and come to think of it....yes, a bit of excited nervousness is flowing thru my veins. Today for the first time I thought about the fact (I mean REALLY thought) that we will have THREE babies at home. I thought about how miraculous it is that the little girl I had seen in a picture on a waiting child list back in September will be our daughter.....forever!!! That blows me away! How am I so worthy of this blessing? I remember distintcly sitting next to Scott as he was playing a game on his computer when I first came across Anna Grace's picture. At that time, she was listed as "Qin" on the waiting child list. I said..."Oh my God, Scott. Look at this little girl. Isn't she adorable?" He turned to my laptop, looked at the picture and said, "Yes....very cute!" I don't think he thought for one second that I would be thinking that was going to be our daughter. But God knew better. Now, when he sees a new picture, like the one of her on Children's Day before the performance, he walked in, saw the picture on my desktop and said, "OH MY GOD!!!!!! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!!!!!" I can't wait to see them together.

So, I'm almost all packed. I spent about 4 hours today making AJ's food for 2 weeks. The boys eat homemade Cuban pureed stews that I make them. I usually make a huge batch to last for the week. They devour the thing!!!! And it's so good for them; filled with just about every veggie imaginable and either chicken breasts or beef. Anyways, I had to make two huge batches for my sister to have on hand for AJ and I still have to pack him. Please keep my sister, Ily, in your prayers also while we are gone. She is going from no babies to taking care of AJ and Amanda for the two weeks we'll be in China. As great as my kids are, it's definitely a task to keep them entertained. Amanda is looking forward to spending time with her aunt, and AJ loves being spoiled by his Ayi. I just hope he doesn't forget me. heh. We're taking a webcam so hopefully we'll be seeing them daily.

We also bought a new video camera so I will be able to post a bit of video, especially of gotcha moment!! Amanda was our videographer last time, and she will be missed greatly! I just have to keep telling myself that I want to take in every second of this journey and the time we are spending in our children's birth country. It is an amazing place and I truly want to enjoy ourselves without thinking every moment that I can't wait to get back. Amanda and AJ are in great hands and we will be having contact daily with them..

So, that's it for now. The list has diminished a bit, but still quite voluminous. I will post tomorrow before we pack up the computer. I can't believe 2 more wakeups!!!!

We're moving along!

2007-06-08T18:17:00.000-04:00

The day is quickly approaching now when we will board the plane. One of the things I was a bit concerned about a few months ago, I am much at peace with now. That's Kai going back. I was a bit insecure about his feelings and suddenly being immersed around Asians, especially when we live in a city wth a very low Asian population. But, I truly believe that he will be fine. He is well attached, adjusted and knows that we are his family. He is also very much looking forward to seeing his Mei-Mei, Anna Grace.

I can't even count how many times we've shown him pictures of her and explained that she is his baby sister and that she is coming home to be with us forever. He knows the routine. We're going on an airplane to China. Why? To bring home Anna, and to eat!! heh. The latter, for some reason, he always adds on when asked why are we going to China.

I have asked around a bit about our guide in Hefei (pronounced HO-FAY), since I had not heard of anyone having this gentleman. His name is Mr. Ding. :) Well, thanks to the great adoption community, quite a few families responded to my questions. It appears that Mr. Ding is a wonderful and gentle man and very much liked. He is great with the kids and has been doing his job of guide for adoptive families for quite some time. I learned this because I've had families email me about him being their guide back in 1995!

We are very fortunate to have a great agency at the helm and I believe that it will be a great trip! I can't wait to get back to China. Truly a piece of my heart stayed there when we were there last. I know it won't be our last trip, although it will probably be our last one in bringing home a child. We hope to someday return as a family so that Kai and Anna Grace can come to know the wonderful country, rich in history, where they were born.

So, the countdown continues and we are almost ready to count hours before leaving. We are in full-blast-mode of getting things done, especially last minute chores like the lawn and the pool, etc.

Lastly, I just want to say thank you again to all of you that our joining us in our journey in spirit, through well-wishes and prayers.

Aaahh....it's all coming together!

2007-06-08T08:27:00.000-04:00

Things are going well. Last night I went to a prayer group that my sister leads at church. Wow! God really wanted me there. I was able to surrender all my anxieties to him and came home refreshed and made new. I know that He is in total control and that all will be perfect, for His glory and honor! I am completely at peace now.

We received our itinerary yesterday! Woohooo!!! Seeing it on paper makes it even more real. I can't believe we are getting so close!!!! I am going to wish the weekend away, although it will probably fly anyways because I want to finish EVERYTHING by Sunday night. I want to lay my head on the pillow on Sunday night and just think about the fact that a week from that moment I will be looking into my beautiful baby girl's eyes, and not just staring at a picture 100x a day. I don't think I'll be able to stop holding her or looking at her for days! I could just hear myself telling Scott, "I can't believe she is ours!!" over and over. YIKES!!!! The thought fills me with the most giddy and wonderful feeling in the world!!!! I'm in labor again and gonna be a Mama soon!!!!! GOD IS SOOOO GOOD!!!! ::deep breaths::

Here is our itinerary:

June 13, 2007: Leave US in the morning, via Detroit to Guangzhou, China!

June 14,2007: Arrive in Guangzhou stay at airport hotel.

June 15,2007: Leave hotel in the a.m. to catch flight to YiWu.

June 16,2007: Yiwu city Tour and countryside visit.

June 17,2007: Shopping at Yiwu Small Commodities Center. And leave Yiwu in the afternoon to catch flight to Hefei. Arrive in Hefei in the late afternoon.

June.18,2007: Go to Provincial Civil Affairs to pick up your daughter!!!! Your daughter will be with you forever! (WOOHOO!!!!)

June 19,2007: Do registration , notarization, passport application inthe morning. Shopping in the local department store by walking distance. In the afternoon shopping for shoes and clothes for your daughter.

June 20,2007: Book store and Hefei City Zoo (if you have enough time, you could visit a countryside village on that day).

June 21,2007: Visit finding spot and orphanage/foster family visit.

June 22,2007: Pick up notary paper and passport and leave Hefei for Guangzhou.

June 23,2007: Do medical exam and visa photo taken in the morning.

June 24,2007: Walking outside the island to visit Pet Market, Herb/medicine market, Pearl Market in the morning ; Go sightseeing to Six Banyan Temple and Chen Clay Academy in the afternoon.

June 25,2007: Do visa Appointment in the morning. Go sightseeing to Yuntai Park.

June 26,2007: The morning, go for massages! Then afternoon Oath-taking at Consulate.

June 27,2007: The local guide will send you to the airport for USA in the early morning.

June 27, 2007: Arrive in US, stay overnight and next morning head for home as a forever and complete family!!!!

Getting closer.....

2007-06-07T09:20:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to bed at 10:00. Being so close is really mentally exhausting. My mind just doesn't stop thinking and I am pretty upset about leaving Amanda and AJ behind....last night, it was Amanda (I take turns). I loved having her there when we were blessed with holding Kai for the first time and she was also present just a few hours after AJ was born. I so wish we could have afforded for her to go this time, but it just didn't work out. I know that it was intended to be God's plan that she not travel this time, and I also know that she will be fine with my sister, but it's that "Mama feeling" wanting her close to me during such an amazing moment in our lives. I think it's normal to feel that way, but it still hurts.

Our in-country itinerary didn't come in yesterday because our agency received NSN referrals and their translations took priority. It seems like everything is delayed, but I know that much of it is Satan trying to throw in those last minute wrenches and make me wonder if we are even doing the right thing. Although I was bummed because I really want to be finished with all the planning, I took it in stride and decided to head to bed early. Our God is so much bigger! And every fiber of my being tells me that Anna Grace is a child of my heart and created by our Lord to be forever ours.

After a week of complete insomnia and sleeping only 2-3 hours a night, I thought for sure I'd sleep all night. Nope! At 2:05 a.m., I woke up...bright eyed and bushy tailed! I'm done with Season 4 of 24 so didn't want to watch those again. I came to the computer and was happy to see several emails from people who had followed our journey to Kai and AJ and were still checking in and wishing us well on our trip!! I wish I could express how much it means to have so much support, especially as we get closer to that magical day. Thank you all for your sweet comments and emails. They are truly treasured, especially while we are in China when you feel so far away from home.

Getting back to my insomnia, I ended up falling asleep again around 4'ish. The boys were up and going at 7 a.m., so now I'm dragging....again. Oh well. It's part of the journey, I guess.

So, this morning, I await the itinerary so we can wire that money over and we're pretty much done except for some last minute packing, unpacking and repacking. Speaking of packing....I have brought it down to 3 suitcases, 2 backpacks, the laptop, a diaper bag, and the camera bag. And, I believe my Mom will have a suitcase and a backpack. Not bad considering last time we had 14 bags in all.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers that all go well and that we can travel to China and back without any major complications. But, most of all, please continue to pray that our little sweetheart be prepared for her new family and that she not grieve too much. Thank you and God bless!

P.S. When we leave to China, I will be putting our comments into moderation status. The reason for this is because sometimes blogger cannot be accessed in China (do not fear, my sister will post for us if need be, including pictures!) but if our comments are moderated, they will go directly to my email for approval and I can access them that way.

Counting down......

2007-06-06T07:46:00.000-04:00

Just writing these words down seem so surreal. I can't believe that in only 6 more wakeups we will be leaving to China.

I am so very anxious to get there. The thought of heading back and being blessed with another child fills every second of my day.

Yesterday we finally got the call that we had been waiting for. Our consulate appointment was finally confirmed for June 25, our requested date.

Shortly after the phone call, our original TA arrived via DHL. That indeed is the Golden Ticket! I felt like Charlie in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when he was opening up the chocolate bar. I slowly opened the package as tears rolled down my face. That one piece of paper is the culmination of all of our efforts and the grand prize awaits us in a far-away land. A beautiful little girl whose life will be forever changed. Everything she has ever known will no longer exist in her world and it will be transformed into what we pray is what her little heart desires.

When I received the call about the CA, I was at my sister's office. I asked our agency director, what else needed to be done....her response, "Nothing....you just need to bring that baby girl home!" Well, that's all I needed to burst into tears on the spot. Again, I can't believe it's finally happening! It's been a great relief to work with our agency. They seem to have everything under control and working like a well-oiled machine, while providing very personal service.

We had some struggles with our airline tickets, but all-in-all, it worked out fine, except for the fact that on the way to Detroit, we couldn't get seats together....but we'll live. I just want to get to China. I also want to put a plug in for our travel agent, Sue Sorrells from Campbell Travel. She was amazing and worked really hard to get us a great price, considering the time of year, and how packed the summer flights are. We leave Ft. Myers on Wed. June 13 and return back home on Thursday, June 28. We are spending the night in Detroit on the 27th. We should be receiving our complete itinerary tomorrow, including in-country travel. I have received several emails from friends/family wanting to meet us at the airport when we return. Although exhausted, we would be honored to introduce you all to our latest blessing. Prior to leaving I will post more about this.

A big part of our journey is going back to YiWu, Kai's birth city. Being so sick last time, it is all a blur. And something about being there fills my mind with thoughts of "Is his birth mother watching? If she ran into us would she "know" that was her little boy?" I know it's absurd in a city of over 4 million people, and who knows if she is even from the city, but I just can't help wondering.

I've digressed. Going back to the preparations for Anna Grace's journey. The only thing left for me to purchase was those darn gifts. UGH! Although I've been through it before, and have been often reminded that it's not a big deal, it's just a truly difficult task for me. So much so that I worked myself up into getting one of those horrific stress migraines. Thank goodness for Amanda who took care of AJ while Kai and I napped. My wonderful hubby took the helm when he got home and made dinner and bathed the boys. After a few hours, some pills, and some quiet time in a dark room.....I am much better.

Things are pretty much going as scheduled and I hope to be completely done and sitting back relaxing by Sunday night, with nothing left to do but watch the clock tick down to that magic hour!

Oooohhhhh..... I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

2007-06-04T13:14:00.001-04:00

I know we may be biased, but Anna Grace is just so beautiful to her Baba & I. I called our agency this morning to find out if our consulate appointment had been confirmed yet, and the director had the task of informing us that the confirmation was not in yet. UGH!!!

BUT....we received an amazing "consolation" gift!!!!! June 1 was Children's Day in China and apparently Anna Grace's orphanage puts on little performances. Well, our agency received a picture of our baby girl today prior to her performance. Oooohh......I am sooooooooo in love with this girl. Isn't she adorable? ACK!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME TO CHINA NOW!!! 8 days and counting!

Here's our sweetheart:

Please Help Bring Rachael Home

2007-06-03T17:08:00.000-04:00

Is there a sweeter picture than this little one? Who is she? Well, she is (God willing) my friend, Charlotte's new daughter, Rachael Jane YuZhu.

Charlotte already has 2 beautiful China sweethearts and God has placed little Rachael on her heart. Little Rachael has albinism and is waiting for her forever family.

My reason for posting here is because I, and many other adoptive parents, know the struggles of coming up with the funds to unite these precious angels with their forever families. The costs of adoptions are sometimes so out of reach, but I also know that nothing is impossible with our Lord and Savior.

Charlotte, a single mom, is doing a massive fundraising campaign to bring home her baby girl. If you find it in your heart to help, please head over to her website, Move Over Mountains, and browse through the multitude of options that Charlotte has put together to raise help raise funds, from Ebay to magazine sales, there is something for everyone. Every penny helps and the end result is a beautiful child coming home to a forever family. Thank you and God bless!

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. - James 2:14-17

Oh Yeah!!!!

2007-06-02T10:13:00.000-04:00

Time for Coffee!!!!!

2007-06-01T07:57:00.000-04:00

Oh yea. I'm definitely in "labor". Last night I got my first real dose of pre-baby insomnia. It happened with my three biological children. It happened while I waited for AJ to come into the world. It happened prior to our traveling for Kai. And now it's happening as we enter the countdown to leave for Anna Grace.

At about midnight, I started watching an episode of Season 4 of "24". Almost 2 hours later, I finally shut off the TV set. I must've layed there for about an hour, tossing and turning as thoughts of the 1,000,000 things I need to get done reverberated in my brain. I have lists of my lists, but somehow haven't brought myself to actually start checking them off.

I am exhausted this morning! Today I take Kai to speech therapy and then will come home to make another Must-Do-This-Week list. I really need to get on the ball, since I'm running out of time. Scott is Mr. List. You give him a list and he goes down it, one by one, efficiently checking them all off. You give me a list and I just look at it and say, "Oh, my God! I'm never gonna get this done!" Then I put it down and off I go. Proscrastination at its best. Ummm.....sorta like I'm doing now!

On that note, I am going to start my day. Hopefully we will get CA confirmation today and I can finalize the travel plans. It's still so very surreal to think that in 12 days we'll be boarding the plane and in 17 days we will be eye to eye with the our beautiful daughter. Just thinking about it sends my heart spinning out of control and turns the butterflies in my stomach into life-size bats!

UPDATE: Our Consulate Appointment confirmation did not come in today. :( Therefore, we need to wait until Monday to begin the finalization of our travel plans. Regardless, since we asked for the 25th, 26th, or 27th as consulate dates, we will be leaving on the 13th and just spending a day or two extra in China, if need be.

Doing the "TA" Dance!!!!!!

2007-05-31T15:10:00.000-04:00

We Are Snoopy Dancing in Florida!!!!!!!!!

Filled with praise and thanksgiving to our Lord, we are ELATED to say that we have FINALLY received our TA!!!!!!!!!!!

We have asked for a CA of June 25 and will be boarding the plane to the ancient country of China on June 13. Anna Grace will be in our arms for the first time on Father's Day!

Thank you all for your support, prayers and patience. :)

LOI- 10/6/06

PA - 11/20/06

DTC - 2/6/07

LID - 2/13/07

LOA - 4/27/07 (day 73)

TA - 5/31/07 (day 107 and 34 days from LOA)

CA - 6/25/07 (waiting for confirmation)

TRAVEL - 6/13/07 - 6/28/07

We will be boarding the plane exactly 9 months from the date that we received that amazing email asking if we were still interested in Feng Qin.

No More Doubting Thomas!!

2007-05-30T14:37:00.000-04:00

Yes, that is what I am promising again. A good friend mentioned previously to me that we will see God's reasons for His delays. When I was in the midst of the black hole, not only did I not want to hear it, but although I love our Lord with all my heart and soul, I feared that there was no "miracle" to come from this wait. I WAS WRONG!!!

This isn't something that I would normally share with the world, but it is something that I must share, because all the glory and honor HAS to be given to our Savior for His (once again) perfectly orchestrated plan.

About a month ago, Scott & I, set out to refinance our house. When all was going smooth, we hit a major snag, one that we feared would not allow us to continue with the refinancing. Then ontop of it, we were planning on leaving on the 6th of June to China, which would not allow us enough time to close on the loan before we left if we had indeed solved the issue.

Well, as we all know, TA never came. Therefore, pushing out our traveling date back at least a week to now leaving June 13. This morning, I got a call from the bank. The loan was approved. The snag was untangled. So, where is the miracle, you ask? Last night, we received an email from our agency that our TA is on its way and we should receive it this week, therefore, allowing us to leave on the 13th, with hopefully a CA (consulate appt.) of June 25. But that's not the miracle....the miracle is that because we are leaving later, we CAN now close on the loan before leaving AND we do not have to make mortgage payments for June OR July, therefore giving us the needed cash on hand for our travel money, which we were still trying to figure out!!!

God had to cause the snags with the financing, had to cause the delays with the TA and had to push back our date of leaving in order for our adoption finances to be solved. I did all that whining, crying and doubting while in the meantime, He was busy perfecting what I thought was a mess! It wasn't. It was His plan from the beginning, perfectly laid out. I prayed daily for help with the finances and He was answering.

So, we are feeling pretty good that we will get TA this week, that we will get a CA of June 25, that we will be leaving on June 13, that we will be holding our beautiful Anna Grace for the first time on Father's Day, and the icing on the cake, our funds are complete for the adoption. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!! I shamefully ask for you to forgive me for (once again) being that doubting Thomas and give you all the praise, glory and honor for this miracle.

The Celebration of Life....& Eternal Life.

2007-05-29T11:56:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a pretty bittersweet weekend. On one end we celebrated the birthdays of two of my guys. Kai and Scott shared their birthday celebration with a small family get-together and a little fun in the sun. Our little guy turned 3! It's been an amazing year and he has grown in every sense of the word. Both of my guys are huge blessings to our family and I thank and praise our Lord for allowing us to share in this celebration. Here are some pictures of our day together.

While we celebrated Kai & Scott's birthday, I received a somewhat awaited phone call that my uncle, Gilberto, had passed away. It's during moments like those that I am so ever grateful to God, our Father, for giving us hope of eternal life through his son, Jesus Christ.

My uncle was probably one of the kindest and most gentle men I've ever met. He is the definition of the word gentleman. He never had a unkind word towards anyone and always had a smile on his face. I pray the Lord pour his mercies upon him and I know that my uncle is gathered with passed family, and all of the angels and saints praising our Savior in the Heavens today! I also pray that He grace my cousins and aunt with his peace that surpasses all understanding. It is so difficult to lose someone you love and try to look at it in a positive way. But, we were indeed very blessed to have had him with us for so long and to feel the love that he shared with all those that surrounded him. As we said our goodbyes, we were really celebrating life; eternal life. The Lord has assured us that by calling him home, where he has created a special place in His kingdom, we will someday be together again.

My sweet uncle, Gilberto and I, back in September 2006.

A couple more!

2007-05-25T12:52:00.001-04:00

HERE SHE IS!!!!!

2007-05-24T08:40:00.000-04:00

Our beautiful girl. I couldn't sleep and I kept going to April's blog (which is password protected...sorry) and refreshing. Nothing. Finally, at 5:30 a.m., I finally tried one more time, and there was this little face staring back at me!!!!!!!!! I sat there and just let all the tears flow. Oh my gosh, she is so beautiful.

But wait. I went back to bed and got up a bit ago, to find not one, but TWO video clips of our precious Anna Grace. April is giving her an adorable soft bunny that she got her and was able to hold her and tell her that her Mama will be there soon, and that April & I were good friends.

April, I know I told you this, but I just can't say it enough. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! This has been a terribly emotional and difficult week, and you have made my heart soar with joy by allowing us to see our girl. She looked a bit confused (can you blame her?) on the video, but I think we will be just fine. OH MY GOD!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SCOOP HER UP AND LOVE ON HER NOW!!!!!!!!!

Here are the videos!!! (Gosh, lots of exclamation points on this page! That's a good thing!)

*
Remember to turn off the background music by clicking the red "x" next to the refresh button on your address bar.

A very happy Mama this morning!!!!! Now, PLEASE....C'mon TAs. My baby girl is waiting!!!!!

Recap of today

2007-05-23T23:18:00.003-04:00

Well, I've learned that if you stay really busy, there's no time for moping and feeling sorry for myself. I spent a good 2.5 hours with the boys at the doctors office. Kai is finally caught up on all his shots and poor little AJ got his share today also. Six shots in all. My heart was breaking for him. Shot after shot he'd look at me with those big eyes, huge tears flowing down his cheeks as if begging me to make them stop. I had to turn away. Tonight he is running a temp of 102. Kai got off easy - two shots, no fever and he's ready to go to China.

I was again pleasantly surprised by a few emails from some of my readers that have made my heart so much lighter. Thank you!!! I was also pretty shocked that my site had over 150 hits today! It amazes me how people are interested in my pretty non-eventful life...heh.

One of the emails I came home to tonight made me very happy. It was from the 2nd to last of my "waving hello" lurkers. Guess who de-lurked today? The Broomfield, Colorado reader! How cool was that?!! And what makes this even cooler is that this young woman is doing something amazing with her life. She is packing up, leaving the comforts of home and volunteering in an orphanage in So. Africa for a year. People like that deserve every blessing and grace our Lord has to offer. Amanda and I often speak about someday going on one of the Love Without Boundaries cleft trips to China. I look forward to sharing with her about this reader and her aspirations. I can't think of anything that would fill my heart with more joy than giving of myself fulltime to babies and children who have no one. But alas....I have my own family and my own babies and children to contend with. Who knows, maybe later in life.

Speaking of Amanda, tonight we went to her awards assembly at school and once again, she has made us proud. I am honored and blessed to have such a smart, beautiful and loving daughter to raise for our Lord.

Since the boys were not feeling well, they stayed with Po-Po while Scott and I went to the assembly. It was nice sitting quietly without anyone climbing up your shoulder or wiggling non-stop on your lap during an event. We even had the opportunity to go out for a quick dinner and actually sit and talk. When we got home they were still up and going through their 2nd round of the movie "Cars" with Po-Po. But, I guess, that's what Grandma's are for. :)

Ahhh....some good news for a change! I am beyond excited and cannot wait to wake up tomorrow morning. My friend, April will be going to Hefei SWI tomorrow and God willing, will be checking in on our Anna Grace. I haven't had any updated pictures since March ::gasp:: and am so excited to see what she looks like. If she's grown, if her hair is longer and to hear a little more about what she's like. I pray that April is able to see her. Gosh, that would make this incredibly long and terribly rough week so much sweeter. April, thank you ahead of time for your efforts, regardless of the result. You are a sweetheart.

Lastly, I wanted to share that after I posted about our LOA date and being "the only ones" not to get TA. I did receive a few emails from others in our same position. Not that I wish that upon anyone, but misery loves company and I am glad that it is because CCAA is caught in a backlog (what a surprise!) and not that our file is lost somewhere. So, here's to all of us with 4/27 LOAs still waiting. May God bless us all very soon with that golden ticket that will carry us an ocean away to an ancient land called CHINA!

Again, facing a new day

2007-05-23T08:13:00.000-04:00

I am soon leaving to take the boys to the doctor for their regular visit (and shots!), but I wanted to post on here before leaving. I have to say that it is thru all of you that I am making it through this, and God's grace, of course.

I really tried to stay away from the computer yesterday after the news, since all I was doing was going from group to group seeing all of the 4/27 LOAs jumping for joy with their news of TA. My heart truly is happy for them. Those babies all deserve to come home....now.

But, I have to be honest and admit that it saddened me even more after reading everyone's good news. I don't think there is anyone left with the same LOA date as ours that did not receive TA, except for the other family in our agency. I just don't understand it. We are on day 26 of the TA wait, with the norm being 14 - 21 days.

My sweet friend, Peg, said something very poignant to me. God has a reason for having us being in China at the time we are there. As always, we don't know His ways, and whether it's an ephiphany or not, I have to trust that it will be perfect and He is holding our hands through the entire journey.

Waking up to all of your comments and emails, many that included devotionals and scriptures, words of love and support, and just a simple "I understand" sent with hugs has filled me with renewed strength and hope to take in another day. I again ask you to please keep your prayers coming. They are felt and the ride, while still pretty wild filled with constant ups and downs almost on a hourly basis now, is getting bearable. I know it's because I have all of you on the sidelines rooting for us! THANK YOU!!!! You are truly the best and I know that there is no way I could get through moments like this week without your support. Much love and may God's blessings fill your day!

I give up.

2007-05-22T12:25:00.000-04:00

This was the response from our incountry facilitator today after checking on our TA with CCAA. It is ourselves and another family. I am besides myself. Who knows now when we will hold our daughter. I am complete and total emotional mess. I have no control over anything, and I don't understand why there has to be no consistency. There seems like there is nothing left to do but function on auto-pilot and crawl back into my hole.

"The two travel permissions for Hefei families haven't sent yet. CCAA said that there are more than 300 travel permissions transferred to them this week and they will assign the regular program first . Then they will do the special needs program.”"

A new day

2007-05-22T09:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I woke up this morning feeling better. I am staying away from the computer. I just finished giving the boys breakfast and am dressing them (yaaay....no more pajamas!!) and taking them out to spend a day in the Florida sunshine.

Again, our agency is on the west coast, so if today is the day to hear anything, it won't be until this afternoon. Please continue to keep us in your prayers, they are being felt indeed!!!!!

Sinking quick

2007-05-21T22:31:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's what it feels like right now. I feel like I am being pulled at warp speed into a black hole. I think sometimes you just have to go through those dark moments to be able to get past them and see the light again. Except that right now, I feel like there is so much darkness and no light anywhere.

Scott came home tonight with chocolate and kettle chips for me. He knows that my heartache will not be cured with these....but it helps. :) He keeps telling me it will happen in God's time. I know that...but I'm tired of hearing it. I don't want to hear anything like that anymore right now. My faith is strong, but I am starting to feel defeated. It's hard to understand why CCAA is so off balance when it comes to sending out anything. There were lots of TAs received today (including some friends from yahoo groups), but nothing for us. I just don't understand it. We will be on day 25 tomorrow, when the average time between LOA & TA has been 14-21 days.

Yes, I know about God's timing. I know it will happen. I know all those things. Right now, I'm just miserable. I want to be able to cry and pout and shout and just be able to express how totally and completely miserable I am feeling. We, the boys and I, stayed in pajamas all day. I carried that darn phone around everywhere I went. I could not think of ANYTHING but getting that freaking phone call, with the exception of finances because each passing day airfare gets more and more expensive and seats continue to fill up! Let's not even mention consulate dates being filled up. I feel that life should stop until I could get mine going again. But, it doesn't. And that annoys me! It really annoys the hec out of me right now. I guess that's what they mean about misery loves company. I want to share my pity party with those that are as miserable as I am right now.

I spoke to my sister, Scott, Amanda and a few other people today about the wait, and it just seems like no one understands. I've been there, so I know how they are feeling, but unless you've actually been in this position of waiting, you can't understand the pain that being so close, yet so far, causes. Scott has learned through this process not to attach himself to the degree that I do. I AM already her mother. She is my daughter, and we are an ocean apart. I HATE THAT! I have been looking at Anna Grace's beautiful little face for almost 9 months now. I can close my eyes and envision what she is like, how she smells, how her voice sounds. Yes, it's all in my dreams, but I'm so tired of dreaming!! My heart and mind tell me she's not a dream. She is real. Yet, she is still so far away that I can only see her as a dream. I am totally rambling now, all I really want to say is that I am ready to bring my girl home and I don't know what else I could do but pray. Could you please join me? I truly don't want the "it will happen" comments, I just want to know that we are bringing her home...soon. Thank you all for your support, friendship and understanding.

ACK!!!!!!!!

2007-05-21T14:03:00.000-04:00

I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE!! The wait for TA when you are THIS close has got to be the absolute, most anxiety ridden portion of this entire roller coaster ride. It's reaching that peak of the roller coaster. You know what I'm talking about - when you are waaaay up there, and ever-so-close that you could almost see miles around from the top, but still need to get thru a few more rungs of the wooden clackity-clack sound before you reach the peak?

That's where I'm at right now. The phone goes with me EVERYWHERE! We are on the east coast. Our agency is on the west coast. Therefore, it is still early there. Yahoo groups are starting to post TAs with the same LOA date as ours. I have worn down my refresh button going from group to group seeing how many TAs have come in. I've prayed, cried, and tried to sleep off the anxiety.....nothing!

PLEASE LORD.....RAIN DOWN TAs ON US TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: Our agency emailed and said that DHL did not have anything from China for them today. They will be checking to see if it is en route. I am TOTALLY and COMPLETELY bummed. I thought, of all days that I needed an uplifting, today was it. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Hopefully tomorrow will be the day???

Special Deliveries!!!!!

2007-05-21T09:59:00.001-04:00

Miss Ayla - Isn't she beautiful?

Sweet Aiden - I just LOVE this boy!!

Precious Brady - Wow! That smile lights up a room!

Wow! What a way to start the week. My friends, Tonya and April both received their beautiful children, Ayla & Aiden, last night while we slept. The Loos family received their adorable son, Brady earlier in the week. Oh my goodness, if this doesn't make your heart soar, I don't know what does!

C'mon TAs!!!!!!!!!! I WANT MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so blessed!

2007-05-20T00:51:00.000-04:00

I am now, at almost 1 a.m., checking my email after a very long day filled with graduation fun and spending time with family. But, before going to bed, I just had to write back in response to all the comments and emails that I had waiting. I am honored and blessed to have such wonderful friends. The support I receive from all of you, even those whom I do not know, truly humbles me. Thank you!! Gosh, where do I start?

First, Amy...no, you aren't the Broomfield reader. You're in Berthoud. And I know exactly what you mean about being jealous of me. I remember coming back with Kai and still wanting to go back to China, although I had agreed with Scott we were done. I think I may have written this before, but a friend once told me that adopting is like eating potato chips.....you can't have just one! Oh my gosh, that has to be one of the most true statements I have ever been told. Unfortunately, our "last potato chip in the bag" is Anna Grace. But, I can say with all honesty that I enjoyed every bite of each chip I ate. :)

I also want to thank those of you that "de-lurked". WOW! How cool is that?!!!! And to my reader from Tracy, Califonia. We share the same LOA? Maybe we will end up with the same Consulate appointment in China! So, here's to TAs definitely coming in soon! Please keep me posted on yours.

Another de-lurker, Janelle! Thank you for coming forward. I know it's tough to delurk when you've been doing it a while. I still lurk many sites myself. :) It's so cool to read that many followers of Anna Grace's journey followed us through Kai and AJ's journey home. I, too, am glad that I haven't had to password protect my blog because I have made wonderful friends through the blog and I love journaling. Not to mention that it's important to me to make sure that others are reminded that all of our blessings come from God. Also, I am a huge advocate of waiting children and if someone can read about how resilient and loving these kids are, it might make the difference about whether or not they take that leap of faith. One child that can find their forever family because of something that might have moved their heart from my blog, is worth every nasty person or comment I may encounter. I wish your LOA come at record speed!

Shelly, thanks for taking the Wisconsin reader credit. :) Too funny! You are always so sweet and I love your blog and hearing about your beautiful family.

Dawn & Carissa, and Kelly.....your words of support mean so very much! Thank you. And Kelly, I just want you to know that I am insanely jealous that you went to go see Michael W. Smith. Please email me with details. He is without a doubt my absolute favorite Christian singer. I was so close to getting tickets until my sister reminded me that it was my nephew's graduation tonight. He's lucky I love him so much. I passed up Michael for him. :)

And a huge thank you to all of you that emailed me privately with your support. I have been graced by God that I don't harbor negative feelings and have learned to forgive. I know people are put in your path for certain reasons and I believe that this person was put in my path when I needed her to be, and possibly when she needed me. Does that mean that is doesn't hurt that my kids were put down? Of course it does, but I know why I love them so much and that's all that matters. As Amy mentioned, can a mother ever love their children too much? I don't think so! I don't blame any mother in the world for wanting to yell from the rooftops how incredibly amazing their children are. I think every child brings something special to this world, and I never tire of hearing my friends tell me how wonderful their kids are. That's because....they really are!

Heading to bed filled with a truly humbled heart and again, blessed beyond measure at the love and support that surrounds me. It's readers and friends like you that make me love blogging! I will definitely have to "wave hello" more often.

Waving Hello

2007-05-18T22:14:00.001-04:00

Tonight I have lots of time on my hands. I've picked myself up after accepting the fact that our TA didn't come. As I sit here watching the clock tick while I wait to head to the airport to pick up Scott from his midnight flight (ugh!!), I thought I would wave a friendly hello to a few of my loyal everyday readers. I know many of you that check in daily as we also speak via phone or email privately, these are readers that frequent Anna Grace's site whom I am not familiar with. So for today I'm sending out a great big hello to:

Medina, Ohio

Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin

Harvard, Illinois

Lombard, Illinois

Saint Louis, Missouri

Tracy, California

Broomfield, Colorado

Thank you for following the journey with us.

I did want to mention that ironically, I have a reader who I know personally and had the audacity to tell me that she felt my "love for my children was over the top", yet I've noticed that she continues to check my blog quite frequently. Interesting, huh? Must be like a train wreck. You can't stand it, but can't look away.

Have a great weekend everyone and may next week be filled with a downpour of referrals, LOAs and TAs for all of us waiting!

Total Random Thoughts (long)

2007-05-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

I am exhausted, physically and mentally. This has been a beyond crazy week and I don't even know where to start. So, expect this post to be all over the place and it's very long...but again, I want to journal as much as possible to keep for the kids.

First....let me share that I was thrilled to receive an update on Anna Grace yesterday. No pictures, but lots of great insight on our princess.

Here's what we know:

1.Height : 86cm; (same exact height as Kai) Foot length: 14cm;
2.&3. When Fengqin was picked up, there is a pack of quilt with her. On her body, it has the birth note in her pocket which said " was born on Apr.7,2005" .(We will ask to get a copy of it when we get there) (yaaay!!)
4. The orphanage staff named her ; Lu is the family name for the
children , and also the nickname for Hefei city; Feng means she is as rare and special as phoenix ; Qin is to wish that she will have a beautiful life. Her nickname is Fengqin.
5. She entered the foster family at Sunshine Village on Aug.7,2006;
Sunshine village based on the family style fostering program .
6. Fengqin has a good diet. She is not a picking eater. She eats all
kinds of foods including milk, steamed rice, noodles, meat, fish, egg, toufu, and all kinds of fresh vegetables and crackers. Breakfast at 7:00am, lunch at 11:30am, dinner at 18:00pm.
7. She has a routine life. She gets up at 6:30am, takes a nap at
12:30am, goes to bed at 20:00pm. She has a deep sleep usually. (same routine as the boys!!)
8. Fengqin's favorite activity is playing games with other children.
She likes soft and small toys.
9. Fengqin is potty trained in the day time. At night, she is wearing
cloth diaper. (woohooo!! Maybe Kai will catch on now!)
10. When she is angry, you could hold her hands or hold her up, give
her some snacks to her . Sometimes a toy will distract her attention.
11. At night, Fengqin sleeps in the same room with other children.
She sleeps alone on her own crib. She needs to turn off the light to go to bed.
12. Fengqin drinks milk from bottle. The brand is Yili. Mixing 25
grams milk with 200ml warm water.
13. Fengqin's favorite snacks are crackers, candies, banana etc.
14. Now Fengqin is healthy. She had minor colds before.
15. Fengqin has no scar or unknown marks on her body.
16. We haven't found that Fengqin has any allergic problem to foods.
17. Fengqin is active and outgoing. She is not afraid of familiar
places. When she is in a strange place and with strangers, she needs some times to adjust. (we are expecting grieving, but that's ok. We have enough love for her to wait a lifetime for her to adjust! But please keep her in your prayers that God prepare her little heart for this major transition in her life.)
18. Fengqin is at the class of our kindergarten in our orphanage.
19. When you come to China, we will make a copy of the finding ad.
20. We will bring back the items that you mailed or brought to her . (we will have our little picture album back to go over family members with her while in China)
Date: May 16,2007

We are so blessed to have received so much info and pictures & video on our princess. This is almost unheard of in China adoptions. Thank you, Lord...and thank you to our wonderful agency.

Speaking of wonderful agency. There are rumors flying all over the place that families with LOAs of 4/27/07 (same as ours) have received notification from their agencies that TAs are on their way. Our agency director emailed today to advise me that they did receive a DHL package today, but our TA was not in there. ::sniff:: I'm truly ok with that, since I am not expecting it until next week. And again, I am ever so grateful that they even take the time to say it's NOT there. It puts me at peace and takes away the anxiety of thinking..."is today the day?"

So that's it for news on Anna Grace. Now, we move on to Kai.

Monday we had our appt. with the cleft team. He has reached a point in speech therapy where things are rather at a standstill. His vocabulary is expanding daily, but his articulation is very poor. Bless his little heart, he tries so hard. I digress.

At the appointment we met with an ENT, his cleft surgeon, a pediatrician, two speech pathologists, a dentist and a plastic surgeon. Each one took turns doing their evaluation on him (we were there for over 3 hours) and they all met afterwards and came up with a game plan. The result was that Kai has something called velopharyngeal insufficiency, VPI for short. Basically what this means is that his palate is anatomically too short and it does not reach the back of the throat to close the gap needed for air not to escape through the nasal passages. Hence, his inability to prounounce consonants that need air pressure, such as "b, p, k, j", etc. They said that all the speech therapy in the world would not help. So, now what? Another surgery? Well, yes, another surgery. This one will entail taking tissue from the back of the throat and making a bridge to close the area between the soft palate and the throat. This leaves open spaces on each side of this "bridge" allowing him to breathe through his nose. There are many possible complications to this surgery including obstruction of the airways, so as we approach the day that he will have his surgery I will remind you to please lift him up in prayer. The surgeon told us that again it will be 1 or 2 days in intensive care and then 1 or 2 days in a regular room. So, possibly 4 days in the hospital.

That brings us to...when will he have this surgery? Obviously, the sooner the better since we want to break the bad speech habits he is creating in order to compensate. So, we are probably looking at late July sometime.

That moves us on to the fact that Anna Grace will be home just a month before his surgery. As you all know, attachment is a huge issue we need to deal with. She will be sleeping in our bed, be carried as much as possible and I will try to have her be glue to me 24/7 until we feel she is well attached. Now the tough decision. Knowing that I need to schedule Kai's surgery within a maximum of 6 months, preferably much earlier than that, which is why we are looking at late July. How can I possibly stay away from Anna Grace for 4 days after just having gotten home without regressing MAJORLY in our attachment work? I don't know the answer to that. I am leaving it all to God and the power of prayer. The Lord knows my heart and my love for all of my children. Kai physically needs me at the hospital with him. If this surgery (and I was told it was MORE painful than the last) is anything like the last, I MUST be there. But, I also know that her little heart needs to be secure. So, somehow we will have to juggle her visiting the hospital and I will spend some time with her in the lobby playing and bonding, while Scott or my Mom or sister cover for me with Kai and maybe I could even come home for a couple of hours to put her to bed while someone stays with Kai, and then I go back to the hospital to sleep. I'm not sure how I will do it, but I know that if God is presenting the situation, somehow he will provide the answers. Mind you, all of this with two other kiddos in the mix, AJ & Amanda. Little AJ is such a sweetheart and goes great with my sister and my Mom, but I hate to leave him again for 4 days since I will be leaving him for 2+ weeks to go to China. And Amanda is right now just shuffled in the mix between all these little siblings and their needs. It can truly be overwhelming and I am trying hard to take one day at a time and not think about it all at once, otherwise the guilt and feeling of inadequacy will kill me.

On a brighter note. Today I had the staffing meeting with the county in regards to Kai starting preschool with speech/language development classes in our school system. Again, I cannot emphasize enough to those of you bringing home your children to make use of the services that your state has to offer. Early Intervention has been so very beneficial to Kai. He is now aging out of that system and going into the school system's program. At the end of the meeting, it was concluded that he will be attending preschool full time, although I will start him part time until he is ready, at a great school only a mile away from our home. He qualifies for an hour of speech a week, plus we will continue to provide him with the additional hour a week that he now is receiving through EI, although it will be switched to private speech once he is 3. We are also very fortunate that our insurance company covers 60 speech therapy sessions a year. Therefore, allowing him to go year round, once a week!

He was so excited when I told him he was going to school. We take Amanda every morning and he just LOVES it. When I told him this morning, he grabbed his little backpack, loaded it with his little cars, trucks and treasures and stood by the garage door yelling, "Mama, come!" I just hope that when he starts, his enthusiasm remains. :) School will start August 20th for him. We are hoping that his surgery could be scheduled prior to that and that he be healed and ready to go by the time school starts.

That's about it for now. Scott will be coming home tomorrow and I cannot wait. Not only do I miss him, but I know the boys and Amanda miss him so much also. He is such an amazing daddy and one of the biggest blessings and integral part of our home.

My family is coming into town this weekend in celebration of my adorable nephew's graduation. I can't wait to see them. We haven't been together since March. And next weekend, my big boy, Tito, is coming up and I will have all of my babies at home, with the exception of our princess.

Thank you for your continued prayers and positive thoughts for our family and we emerge deeper into forming our family.

Anxiety, proscrastination and updates

2007-05-15T16:27:00.000-04:00

So, I have a list a mile long of things to do. Families with LOA dates of 4/19 were receiving their TAs today. We are in the next batch with an LOA of 4/27. Our agency director informed me today that it has not been mailed out yet, but it will be "soon". Aaahhh....remember that word from my list of 10 things I've learned? heh! Hence, the "anxiety" portion of the title to this post. I have really LOTS to do. But, still no motivation. I sit here for hours on end, reading the same posts from group to group waiting to see who gets what new acronyms added to their title and where do we fall into that picture?!! Yes, I know. Many of you will tell me to be patient, it will be soon, , etc....etc. But, I clearly remember this part of the journey last time (and even with AJ), I really think this is the toughest part of the wait. You are so close yet, so far.

Again, I have to give a plug to our agency. They have truly been great. I've had oodles of questions and they have happily (at least appeared to be happy.....heh) answered each one of them. Our agency director told me this afternoon that our TA is waiting for a signature and she believes that there is a good chance that we will get it next week. At least I don't have to sit here and hold my breath thinking it will be here by Friday. We are still hoping, praying and wishing that everything continue to stay on task and we will be boarding that plane to China on June 6! When you think about it....that's REALLY pretty soon!!! Just the thought makes me all giddy. I have two dear friends who are leaving this week to meet their beautiful babies. One of them will be going to Anna Grace's orphanage and she will be checking in on our princess! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's see. What else is happening! OH!!!!!!!!! I almost forgot to post on here. I am playing the role of a single Mom this week. And yes, I have to say that I have such respect for all the single moms out there. My hat's off to you! I don't know how you do it. By 3:00 p.m., I am watching the clock and counting down how long before I can put the boys down for the night. I know...sorry, some of you may say that it's horrible that I would even think that, but it's tough handling two little ones 24/7 all by myself, and this week is also a very tough week. Kai had his annual appt. with the cleft team yesterday. I'll talk about that in a different post because it's rather complicated and I'm too tired. We had an appraiser come out to our house today (that made me a nervous wreck), Amanda has a big play that she is in this week (I have been getting costume together and rehearsing lines with her), Kai's staffing meeting for preschool is this week (another huge milestone) and I have to fit in speech therapy in there also. All that with a 1 year old and a 2 year old in tow.

So, you ask....why am I single? No, Scott hasn't decided to fly the coop. He's taking a class up north this week, so we took him to the airport on Sunday afternoon and he will be coming home late Friday night. In a way, I'm glad I've been so crazy because it hasn't given me the opportunity to miss him like I thought I would. You know....curled up in a corner whimpering. :) Actually, by the time night rolls around and I am done with everything I need to do, I'm wiped out and am out like a light.

He made some short videos for the boys and it is so cute to see. It's like the ones I left for Kai when we went to Tennessee. Kai sits in front of the computer and answers all of Scott's questions...i.e.; Are you being a good boy? Kai yells out..."YES!!!" Too cute. He's seen the same videos 10x and interacts each time like it's the first. And AJ sees Daddy on the monitor and claps and laughs!

And about the procrastination. Well, I've begun to pack. Anna Grace and Kai are almost completely packed, but it's so hard to make everything I need, or think I will need, fit it into the allotted number of suitcases I've given myself. It was waaaaaaay crazy last time with the amount of luggage we had (14 pieces!!!). I swore we would never do that again. And this time, it will be one less person carrying luggage because Amanda is not going with us ::sniff::, plus we'll have one extra baby. So, instead of trying to eliminate stuff from the list, I just put it down and figure I'll work on it when it gets closer. I also have a list of gifts to go out and get for the orphanage staff, notaries, director, etc., but do you think I've done that? Noooooooooo! And then, of course, there is all the stuff I could be doing here, like cleaning out closets, making more room for Anna Grace....but have I done that? Noooooooooooo. Instead, I choose to read yahoo groups and blogs of families now in China so that I could live vicariously through them while I wait. Nothing like running around like a chicken without a head the last minute, eh?

We also received our travel package from our agency, who by the way is awesome...did I mention that? We had a phone conference today to go over everything in the package. That was a first. Our past two international adoptions (including the failed one) both sent travel packages and figured we could read and follow the instructions on our own. It's nice to have your "hand held" :) But, truly, nothing could be finalized until we get travel approval and we can confirm our CA (consulate appt.).

That's pretty much my life in a nutshell the past week. My nephew is graduating high school this weekend and my family is coming into town, so you know nothing will get done....and then next weekend is Memorial Day weekend and Tito (my oldest son) is coming into town, plus it's Scott & Kai's birthday, so nothing will get done....and then the weekend after that is just a few days before we are supposed to board a plane. Hmmmm......I guess I am a masochist that likes doing things under extreme pressure.

Ok! I've rambled incessantly. Heading to bed and maybe I will crack open that 4th season of 24 tonight, if I'm not too tired. Sweet dreams everyone. Oh yea...one last thing! I still need to post Mother's Day pictures. UGH!

What it's all about

2007-05-15T09:36:00.000-04:00

I know there are many different opinions on how people would have handled this situation, but I know that we would have done the same exact thing this family did.

Another Great Day!

2007-05-14T09:57:00.002-04:00

Yes! Mother's day yesterday was wonderful. The boys woke up as usual around 7 a.m. Scott whispered to me that it was my day and to stay in bed. I knew I had to get the boys ready for church, but I complied.

I could hear them in the kitchen rattling pots and pans and giggling with their Daddy (and Ayi & Shu-Shu that had spent the night). About an hour later, in walks Kai carrying a gift bag with so much pride that his smile made the room glow! Then sweet little AJ followed with that little smile that he gives me every morning and said 'Hiiiiiiii!" They both climbed up on the bed with Mama. A few seconds later in walked Daddy....carrying a tray with the most delicious Eggs Benedict I've ever had, along with other yummy goodies. It felt so good to have my sweet boys with me. I had to stop and remember that this time last year, AJ was just a mere 1 month old, and Kai had been home for less than a month. What a difference a year makes.

I munched down all of the delicious food Scott made and shortly afterwards Amanda came home. She had been at her Dad's that night. I started opening cards, and as usual, just couldn't get through them without the tears flowing. I was especially moved when I received a card "from" Anna Grace, signed by her Daddy and telling me how much she wanted to come home. ::sniff::

We then all dressed and headed to church, where we met up with Po-Po and the rest of the family. Our middle guy, Adam, met us after church for lunch at one of my favorite places. OH! And I have to share my Mother's Day gifts. I received an official CTU (from the show 24) tshirt and Adam gave me a Season 4!!!!!!! Wooohoooo! Scott is out of town this week (I'll blog about that later) so I will definitely have something to fill the time while my sweet hubby is gone.

Tito called me early in the morning to say he missed and love me (brought tears to my eyes again) and that he was sorry he couldn't be there. He is coming up Memorial Day Weekend for Kai & Scott's birthday. Also my stepdaughter, Nicole, called and put a smile on my face. All in all it was a wonderful Mother's Day.

I'm off to take Kai to meet with the cleft team (his annual visit) but I will be posting pictures later tonight.

Another Great Day!

2007-05-14T09:57:00.001-04:00

Yes! Mother's day yesterday was wonderful. The boys woke up as usual around 7 a.m. Scott whispered to me that it was my day and to stay in bed. I knew I had to get the boys ready for church, but I complied.

I could here them in the kitchen rattling pots and pans and giggling with their Daddy (and Ayi & Shu-Shu that had spent the night). About an hour later, in walks Kai carrying a gift bag with so much pride that his smile made the room glow! Then sweet little AJ followed with that little smile that he gives me every morning and said 'Hiiiiiiii!" They both climbed up on the bed with Mama. A few seconds later in walked Daddy....carrying a tray with the most delicious Eggs Benedict I've ever had, along with other yummy goodies. It felt so good to have my sweet boys with me. I had to stop and remember that this time last year, AJ was just a mere 1 month old, and Kai had been home for less than a month. What a difference a year makes.

I munched down all of the delicious food Scott made and shortly afterwards Amanda came home. She had been at her Dad's that night. I started opening cards, and as usual, just couldn't get through them without the tears flowing. I was especially moved when I received a card "from" Anna Grace, signed by her Daddy and telling me how much she wanted to come home. ::sniff::

We then all dressed and headed to church, where we met up with Po-Po and the rest of the family. Our middle guy, Adam, met us after church for lunch at one of my favorite places. OH! And I have to share my Mother's Day gifts. I received an official CTU (from the show 24) tshirt and Adam gave me a Season 4!!!!!!! Wooohoooo! Scott is out of town this week (I'll blog about that later) so I will definitely have something to fill the time while my sweet hubby is gone.

Tito called me early in the morning to say he missed and love me (brought tears to my eyes again) and that he was sorry he couldn't be there. He is coming up Memorial Day Weekend for Kai & Scott's birthday. Also my stepdaughter, Nicole, called and put a smile on my face. All in all it was a wonderful Mother's Day.

I'm off to take Kai to meet with the cleft team (his annual visit) but I will be posting pictures later tonight.

Another Great Day!

2007-05-14T09:57:00.000-04:00

Yes! Mother's day yesterday was wonderful. The boys woke up as usual around 7 a.m. Scott whispered to me that it was my day and to stay in bed. I knew I had to get the boys ready for church, but I complied.

I could here them in the kitchen rattling pots and pans and giggling with their Daddy (and Ayi & Shu-Shu that had spent the night). About an hour later, in walks Kai carrying a gift bag with so much pride that his smile made the room glow! Then sweet little AJ followed with that little smile that he gives me every morning and said 'Hiiiiiiii!" They both climbed up on the bed with Mama. A few seconds later in walked Daddy....carrying a tray with the most delicious Eggs Benedict I've ever had, along with other yummy goodies. It felt so good to have my sweet boys with me. I had to stop and remember that this time last year, AJ was just a mere 1 month old, and Kai had been home for less than a month. What a difference a year makes.

I munched down all of the delicious food Scott made and shortly afterwards Amanda came home. She had been at her Dad's that night. I started opening cards, and as usual, just couldn't get through them without the tears flowing. I was especially moved when I received a card "from" Anna Grace, signed by her Daddy and telling me how much she wanted to come home. ::sniff::

We then all dressed and headed to church, where we met up with Po-Po and the rest of the family. Our middle guy, Adam, met us after church for lunch at one of my favorite places. OH! And I have to share my Mother's Day gifts. I received an official CTU (from the show 24) tshirt and Adam gave me a Season 4!!!!!!! Wooohoooo! Scott is out of town this week (I'll blog about that later) so I will definitely have something to fill the time while my sweet hubby is gone.

Tito called me early in the morning to say he missed and love me (brought tears to my eyes again) and that he was sorry he couldn't be there. He is coming up Memorial Day Weekend for Kai & Scott's birthday. Also my stepdaughter, Nicole, called and put a smile on my face. All in all it was a wonderful Mother's Day.

I'm off to take Kai to meet with the cleft team (his annual visit) but I will be posting pictures later tonight.

Happy Mothers' Day

2007-05-12T22:17:00.000-04:00

I wanted to wish all of the Mothers and Mothers-to-be out there a wonderful and blessed Mothers' Day. May you rejoice in the blessings of the beautiful children surrounding you.

For those Mamas still waiting, may your day be filled with dreams of how incredibly awesome it will be when you are finally holding your precious child. There is no doubt that being a Mother is the best job in the world and so worth the wait.

I also wanted to say a very special prayer to all of the birthmoms who have no idea where those beautiful babies are that they gave life to. May God fill their hearts with peace in knowing that their children are loved beyond measure.

And last but not least, to my own Mom....I love you so very much! Thank you for all of the sacrifices that you have made throughout your life for us. For being a shining example of what a Mother should be. I am so very proud to call you my Mom. You are one of my life's biggest blessings, Mom.

2007-05-12T08:45:00.000-04:00

An act of desperation?

2007-05-11T16:53:00.000-04:00

The 10 things I've learned....

2007-05-10T13:36:00.000-04:00

since we started adopting 3.5 years ago.

There is no such word as "soon" in the adoption world.
Never expect anything and you will receive the unexpected.
You have NO control over anything, so you might as well turn it over to God from day one.
As much as I want to believe I have learned to be patient, it's just not me.
The cost invoved with adoptions always go up and never down.
No one except those actually going thru or having gone thru the process truly understands what you are ranting about.
Simple two and three letter acronyms added to your signature line means the world to you.
You are never prepared to go, regardless of how many months you have been packed, had the nursery ready and funds available.
You can easily fall madly, head-over-heels-in-love with a child you have never physically seen, but have carried a crumpled picture of everywhere you go to show off how beautiful they are.
Regardless of how much you labor, and the pains and trials you go through....you would do it again in a heartbeat to hold that precious child that tonight you will kiss and tuck into bed.

Honey, we're home!!

2007-05-09T16:22:00.000-04:00

Kai is home from the hospital and feeling no pain. Thank you, Lord! Everything went as smooth as it could possibly have gone. Poor little guy. We walked into the prep room where the hospital beds are separated by curtains and he realized immediately where he was. The look of total surprise was immediately followed by a choke hold around my neck and him yelling, "No! No! No!" as he pointed to the gurney. It broke my heart.

I asked him if he wanted Daddy to lay down on the bed and he said, "No!" I then asked if he wanted Mama to lay down and he said, "No!" Then he turned and pointed to the nurse and then to the bed and told her "Sleep!" It was okay for her but not him, his Mama or Daddy. Too cute!

The nurses were wonderful and agreed on waiting till his received his "cocktail" before even taking his vital signs. After about 15 minutes, he was feeling much better and I sat on the bed with him while we read a story and he played with the medical equipment that she had left on the bed. The light on the oxygen meter that goes on his finger was a definite hit! (note to self: get one for Christmas!)

Then another 15 minutes later, the OR nurse (a man) came, picked him up and tossed him in the air like an airplane. Kai giggled and thought...."Fun!" He was then wisked away before we even had a chance to say goodbye or give hugs or kisses.....but I know that was probably best.

Scott and I walked out to the waiting room and sat down. I pulled out my rosary to do a quick chaplet of Divine Mercy while we waited and I only was just starting the third decade when the surgeon came out to tell us he was all done and we could head to the recovery room. It was that quick.

When we got back there, he was still asleep. The nurse woke him and he was a bit dazed about where he was and who she was. Then he saw Daddy and I standing there and he was all smiles. He was offered some apple juice which he gulped down and we were home less than an hour later.

He came home, had lunch, took a 2 hour nap and is sitting happily watching the movie "Cars" for the 3rd time. No pain and life is good. Thank you, Jesus!!! And thank you to all of you for your support, well wishes and prayers. God bless.

Prayer request and updates

2007-05-07T13:33:00.000-04:00

First, let me start off with our updates. We received notice from our agency today that our LOA was sent out on Thursday and should be sitting on someone's desk at CCAA right now!!!!!

I sprained my ankle over the weekend and thank God for my wonderful hubby who allowed me to sit on the couch while he played Mr. Mom....AND made an amazing dinner last night!!! I am feeling much better, and although still "hopping" a bit, he was able to go to work without babysitting me.

Lastly, I am please asking all prayer warriors to step forward and pray for our little Kai. Last week I took him for his regular checkup with the ENT and it was found that both his tubes were blocked. What does this mean? Well, I am awaiting a phone call for the exact time that we need to show up on Wed. (May 9) for more surgery to remove the existing tubes and replace them with new ones. Although this surgery is common and will take less time than it will for us to drive to the hospital, it is always scary and possibly risky when a child (or anyone for that matter) has to be put under general anesthesia.

I am lifting up our sweet boy to our Lord and Savior and I am confident that, as in his previous surgeries, Jesus will guide the surgeon's hands and our blessed Mother will be present making Kai feel safe and secure.

Thank you all for your support and prayers.

Raise This Child

2007-05-04T21:33:00.000-04:00

I have formed this little child

you hold within your heart.

My mercy and My goodness

have been there from the start.

The face, the hands, the smile -

I shaped all that you see.

Take this gift I've given you

and raise this child for me.

My sister gave me a frame for Christmas for each of the kids with this poem on it and their pictures. Each time I read it, I get chills thinking about the fact that these are His children and that the Lord chose me, above all women, to be their Mama and to raise them in His name.

What an honor!!!

Am I Official Now?

2007-05-03T21:55:00.000-04:00

I think so!! I am now what you call an official Mom! After many ways of trying to figure out how to squeeze in 3 carseats and Amanda into our little sport SUV, we came to the conclusion that "it ain't gonna happen"! So, we spent last weekend car shopping. And finally today we came home with a new minivan. A Chrysler Town and Country Touring.

This was last item we needed for Anna Grace. We are so excited and the kids all love the new car. It feels weird having the boys in the car seat so far away from me, but I know I'll get used to it.

I'm also feeling pretty spoiled because it comes with all the bells and whistles, including leather, DVD, EVERYTHING electric, and even has those fancy shmancy seat warmers for the Florida winters. tee hee hee!!! All we need now is a beautiful little China doll to sit in the empty car seat and we are ready to roll.

2007-05-03T10:39:00.000-04:00

No, this is not one of the boys saying this....it's me!!

My Mom and sister have been HERE all week, and while I'm insanely jealous of them (in a good way!) and am thrilled that they are basking in the sun, hanging out with the bands, and worshipping our Lord amidst the beauty of the mountains and the sea.....I MISS THEM!!!

A couple of times this week I've picked up the phone to call my Mom and tell her something, then I remember she's on the cruise. They did call when they got to Ocho Rios yesterday, but I think it's because they wanted to speak to Kai. ::wink::

So, Mom and Ily....yeah, yeah....I'm glad you're having a great time, but hurry home!

Brotherly Love

2007-05-02T10:22:00.000-04:00

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-01T22:48:00.000-04:00

Oh my Lord!! My sides and my head hurt from laughing for the past half hour at THIS!!!! I'm in love with this little guy. Soooooooo cute!!!

Up...up...and awaaaaay!

2007-04-30T10:31:00.000-04:00

Yep, our LOA has been signed, copied, kissed, sealed and its on its way back toour agency! Being that CCAA is closed this week, we sent it 2 day, so it should arrive on Wednesday. Heritage will then turn it around and send it back to CCAA so they could have it first thing when they reopen after the holidays. Then it's just a matter of (hopefully!!) 2 weeks before we get TA (travel approval). I am still pretty in shock. REALITY IS HITTING! We are going to be the proud parents of THREE babies. Oh my Lord!!! My heart races at the thought. I am sooooooooooo scared. But, I know I could do it. I can't wait to see Anna Grace. I was talking to Scott yesterday about how our Gotcha moment may be like. What will she be wearing? Will she and Kai get along or will there be sibling rivalry from the get-go? Will she grieve alot? How big is she? Will she be quiet and gentle or will she be loud and boisterous like her brothers. What, if any, delays will she have? Soooo many questions fill my mind. Yet, none of them really matter. All that matters is that our Lord & Savior has blessed us once again and we will love and adore her beyond measure. Whatever issues she comes with are part of the package and part of who she is and we will work through them together, as a family.

Kai has been carrying her little picture around and speaks to everyone about his "Annnnnnnnaaa". I know that he has no concept that she is "real" and that she is coming home to intrude on "his" turf, or so he thinks is his. heh. But, he does love his Mei-Mei.

Our friend, April, has offered to take some pictures (and possible video...OMG!!!) of her when she visits the orphanage with her new son, Aiden. I can't wait to see if she has changed any. Although, again, Lord I can't thank you enough for every single month of this wait, since it began, you have provided us with pictures and/or info on our sweet baby. Even down to the last week or two of the wait before we meet her! THANK YOU, JESUS!

On another note, I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't motivated myself to do anything about packing or getting the necessary stuff we need for the trip. (Rest assured we will not be packing like last time.) Going back to the why...maybe it's because I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop....or because this time it's a bit easier since we've already been down this road. I don't know. All I know that is that we will be traveling over 16,000 miles in 4-6 weeks and all I do is sit around and daydream about our girl!

YES!! WE ACCEPT!!

2007-04-28T11:56:00.000-04:00

We were out working in the hot sun when the DHL truck pulled up to the house. Since CCAA is closed next week, we weren't expecting the package with our LOA until Monday...but here it was!!! So, both Scott and I and a very excited big brother, Kai, ran out to him (lucky driver didn't get a camera in his face because we were outside already!) and tore the package open! Below is a video clip of the official signing and marking the "WE ACCEPT" box. The translation of the Letter of Seeking Confirmation Form says:

"Based on your application, the following child has been assigned to you. You are kindly requested to give your decision as soon as possible to CCAA through your adoption agency." Then her name is listed below!! HEC YEA! WE ACCEPT!!!! IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!!!

DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-27T15:10:00.000-04:00

Wooohoooo!!!!!! We are beyond excited. Thank you, Jesus!!! You are so faithful in your promises. Both being DTC was right before Chinese New Year, and God pulled it through in record time. Now, our LOA is right before the May holidays in China....and He did it again! WHAT AN AWESOME GOD WE SERVE!

Today at 2:45 p.m., after I had pretty much given up, we got the phone call that Vicki, the IA Director at Heritage was holding OUR LOA!!!! I told you our agency rocks!!

God is so good! After all my whining, and dragging myself to prayer group last night, he showed me AGAIN...HE IS GOD!!!!!!!! DAY 73!!!!! It was probably mailed out from China on day 68.

Yikes!! I have so much to do. We hope to get TA my mid May and head to China for Kai & Scott's birthday!!!

Thank you to all of you that held us in your prayers, I know that it is because of those prayers that God answered.

Anna Grace, baby. You're coming home! We love you so much. Hang in there just a little bit longer, sweetie.

Orphans of God

2007-04-27T00:16:00.000-04:00

Not sure if you noticed or not, but my blog has changed it a bit. Well, it was accidental. I decided I would explore what the CUSTOMIZE button was for. Oh yea, it warned me that I would lose everything that wasn't on my original template, but I was feeling daring. Needless to say, 4 hours later, I got it back up to some semblance of what it used to be. UGH! What a mission for this blogging newbie.

I was still in "mope mode" tonight when my sister came by to visit the boys. She leads a local prayer group at our church called "Jacob's well". She asked me to attend tonight. My first thought was, "Naaah....I'm not in the mood". But then after some coaxing and realizing that I needed SOMETHING, I decided to go.

I'm so glad I did. The Lord truly quenched my thirst at the "well" tonight. God always gives me that "kick in the butt" to make me realize that life doesn't revolve around what I want all the time. Yes, I desperately wanted that phone call today, but I needed Him more than anything else. It was a very powerful night. I walked away feeling Spirit filled and so thankful for all of the blessings that I do have.

In closing, a beautiful song was played. One I had never heard. It's called ORPHANS OF GOD by Avalon. I will leave you with the lyrics, but please, take a moment and scroll down to the bottom of the page to listen to the song and watch the video.

I know that our precious angel waiting in China is being watched over by our Lord and His blessed Mother. She is protected and loved. God has kept his promise and through this song reminded me that indeed "there are no orphans of God". "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." - John 14:18

Orphans of God

Who here among us
Has not been broken
Who here among us
Is without guilt or pain
So oft' abandoned
By our transgressions
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

(CHORUS)
There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen
But, Hallelujah
There are no orphans of God

Come the unwanted
And find affection
Come all ye weary
Come and lay down your head
Come ye unworthy
You are my brother
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

(CHORUS)
There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen
But, Hallelujah
There are no orphans of God

Oh Blessed Father
Look down upon us
We are your children
We need your love
We're out before
Your throne of mercy
And seek your face
To rise above

(CHORUS)

No matter where I go or who I meet,
I find we as human beings are all the same.
We all want to be loved and accepted no matter what.
Only God, our father is truly capable of that kind of love all the time.
What comfort we can find in knowing that we are all
His children no matter where we come from or what we've done.

A simple gift

2007-04-26T11:48:00.000-04:00

This amazing organization was there for us while we were revieweing Anna Grace's medical. Our doctor wanted further information and they were able to provide us with that.

A few weeks ago, our son's orpahange yahoo group received word that his orphanage had cleft babies starving to death because they did not have cleft bottles. We contacted Love Without Boundaries, and within days, a case of cleft bottles with instructions was delievered to the orphanage. Every cent donated to this organization goes to assisting the orphans in China. There are worldwide volunteers working for LWB whose love for these children have allowed this organization to blossom into what it is today.

My lifelong dream would be to one day be able to go to their medical page and just click, click, click and pay for every single one of those babies needing life saving surgeries.

If we lived in a perfect world, each child would have a forever family and there wouldn't be any orphanages. But since that is not a reality, would you please consider sponsoring one of these beautiful children who may never know what a real family is like....or making a one time donation? God will bless you tenfold, and the joy that you will bring to a child, the change you will make in his or her life, will be something that could never be repaid. Your gift, whatever size, could make the difference of whether a child lives or dies.

"It has become more and more clear to all of us at Love Without Boundaries that we have a clear mission: to heal children and to let them know love. Adoption to us is the ultimate joy, because every child deserves a family. But for those who have special needs that may delay adoption or even make it impossible to find a forever family, we believe that foster care is the answer. We believe every child on this earth deserves to know what it is like to belong."

- Love Without Boundaries.

If you aren't financially able to assist, can you please pray for these babies and children....especially the ones left behind. Thank you and God bless!

Things that make you go...HMMMM!

2007-04-25T22:06:00.000-04:00

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This is pretty neat. It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read. Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757 ....If you haven't, add 1756.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number now.

The first digit of this was your original number
(I.e., how! Many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)
The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

Cool, huh? This is what I've been doing with my time while I sit here waiting for the phone to ring. I know. Sad.

God DOES answer prayers!!!!!

2007-04-24T15:27:00.000-04:00

First, let me say a huge thank you to all of the prayer warriors who joined in and stormed the gates of Heaven with their prayers. Do you remember when I asked for special prayer requests for Shelley? If not.....click here.

God knew her heart and answered her prayers. Here is the email I just received from her:

"So here it is, without further adieu, we got the call today, WE ARE TOTALLY APPROVED TO CONTINUE OUR ADOPTION WITH CHINA……………. Thank you so much for all of the prayers, I know that there were many. I’m still numb, but feel as though I took a million tranquilizers……..

As for which group we will be in, who cares………………… once I thought I would, and there still may be a chance to remain with our group, so we will just have to see….. MY LOVE TO YOU ALL FOR KEEPING UP THE PRAYERS……….THEY TOTALLY WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

God is so good! Just when you start thinking He's on vacation....He shows us He's hard at work! Thank you, Jesus!!!!!!!!

Pffftttt....dreams!

2007-04-24T08:40:00.000-04:00

Well, it is quite obvious, from the lack of screams heard across the nation, that we did not receive that much awaited phone call. So much for counting on my dreams, unless of course it was MAILED OUT on day 68. Ahhh..yes, the eternal optimist.

Actually, I'm pretty bummed, but am ok with it. I guess I have no choice. I am still hoping that it arrive sometime this week, but with a few TAs coming in yesterday, I don't think LOAs will arrive at all this week.

What does this all mean? Well, if we get it towards the end of the week after the May holidays, we're looking for it to then arrive somewhere around May 10th or 11th. Then we have to wait for TA, which is taking about 21 days to arrive, and then we should expect to leave probably the week after that. So, we're hoping for the 1st or 2nd week in June now till we hold our baby girl. At this rate, it feels like she's never gonna be home. ::SIGH::

Who's Counting?

2007-04-23T08:14:00.000-04:00

Well, day 68 was really yesterday, Sunday, but since I know packages weren't going to be delivered yesterday, today is the day. Again, chances are so improbable that we will hear from our agency on only day 68 (69) but, I keep telling myself that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!

It has been a waaaaay hectic past few days. Starting with Thursday night. My sister, Kai and I had the pleasure of having dinner with a family that has not one...but TWO beautiful Hefei girls! Alanna & her sister, Leah, were the sweetest things.

Kai and I arrived first, and when Jodi walked in with her kids, Kai immediately went up to little Leah, who was so sweet with him and cuddled up right to her. Definitely a ladies' man! As we were being led to the table, he turned and grabbed her hand and they both walked hand in hand to the table. Just too cute! I am praying he reacts the same with Anna Grace. We'll see!

Our Kai had not napped and was NON-STOP energy at the restaurant. My sister was my saving grace. She kept him entertained so that the girls' Mama and I could chit-chat a bit. Jodi, thanks for meeting up with us. We really enjoyed spending some time with your beautiful girls and your handsome son. It's great to know that Anna Grace will have Hefei sisters close by. :) Both Ily and I left there sighing and thinking...."now we REALLY we want our little girls".

Here are some pictures of that evening.

For now, I am going to be hanging out next to the phone hoping that it's a call from our agency. By the way, it doesn't have to be today (according to the rules in my mind), any day this week will make me happier than a pig in mud! Please keep those prayers coming, my friends.

Our Agency Rocks!!!!!!!

2007-04-19T22:49:00.000-04:00

I have been wanting to take a moment to give huge kudos to our agency, the waiting child coordinator, and the Director of International Adoptions at Heritage Adoption Services.

As many of you know, we were very happy with our previous agency and were a bit bummed that we could not petition for a child from their lists when we felt that tugging at our hearts the 2nd time around. When we found Anna Grace, I had never heard of Heritage, but we knew we had to go with wherever our daughter was. Although we were positive Anna Grace was our daughter, when it came to the agency, I was preparing myself for disappointment.

Well, I can't sing their praises enough. I have yet to encounter anyone who has had a negative experience with them. They respond to emails and phone calls very efficiently. They are honest about their answers and do not feed into rumors. They give best and worst case scenarios (a biggie for me) and have gone over and beyond when needed (such as the tale of the FedEx package!). Their hearts are truly in it for the children and there are no hidden fees. Their time frames are some of the best that I've seen. And most importantly, their rapport with CCAA is great. They should be very proud. CCAA has named Heritage Adoption Services as one of the 25 top agencies for 2006! That is a huge honor!

I cannot wait to travel to China, obviously to bring our daughter home, but also to experience their incountry staff. I definitely give them two thumbs up because they are truly deserving of it.

Hooray for Heritage Adoption Services and thank you for making my life as easy as it could possibly be amongst the turmoil that comes with international adoptions.

Praise God from whom all good things come!

2007-04-19T11:09:00.000-04:00

No, it's not our LOA, but it's a pretty close 2nd! :)

Anna Grace is getting her "FedEx" package! Yes! This morning I received a phone call that her package was released by customs and should be delivered tomorrow. I just felt in my heart that something was going to happen. Every time I tried to let it go....it would always bounce back. I even dragged my feet on putting another package together for our sweet friend, April, to take to her. April, now you can just take lots of love and kisses from her Mama & Baba...and it takes up less room in your luggage. :) We love you!

I am so very happy today! I am going to be spending the next few days dreaming about her foster Mama reading her our letter while Anna Grace snuggles up to her "perfect little dolly", as she munches on her goodies. Now if we could only get our LOA next week, that would just be icing on the cake!

Thank you, Lord. We give you ALL the glory for this!

Getting ready for a little girl!

2007-04-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

Dreams

2007-04-18T00:04:00.000-04:00

It seems like many times throughout my life, God has given me "messages" through my dreams. When we were desperately awaiting some serious test results for Kai after bringing him home, I'd jump at every phone call thinking it was the drs. office. I distinctly remember the Friday before the call having a dream where our priest, of all people, came to me and said, "Ohilda, don't worry. The results are negative, but you won't hear until Monday afternoon." Sure enough....Monday at 4:35 p.m., we received the phone call from his doctor saying all of the tests had come back negative.

Another instance is the night before we received TA for Kai, I had an AMAZING dream! For the first time in 29 months that we had been waiting to adopt, I had awoke with a EUPHORIC feeling!! I dreamed that Scott and I were on the plane to bring Kai home and I kept saying over and over "Oh my God, I can't believe it's finally happening! We're REALLY getting our son!" It was so real I woke up with tears in my eyes and I immediately said to Scott, "TA's are coming!!" Well, that same morning, we got an email from our agency that our TA was on the way!

Now moving on to Anna Grace, on day 35 of the wait, I dreamed that our WC coordinator called and told me that she had our LOA in front of her. I remember saying to her, "Are you sure you're calling Ohilda? We're only on day 35." She then responded with, "I know, I was quite surprised, but yes...your LOA is in my hands!" I woke up and waited all day for the phone to ring....nothing. The next day, in the midst of Kai's speech evaluation, the phone rings. I look at the caller ID and it's our agency. I excuse myself and RUN to the phone and pick it up. The first thing I hear is, "Before you go nuts, I don't have your LOA or your TA. BUT...something did come transcontinental from China for you! You official LID paper." heh!! I had to laugh. After I caught my breath, I thought, "Hey, my dream was pretty close, except for a couple of letters in the acronym."

And lastly, the night after that dream on day 36 (this is the one I am banking on to be a slam dunk!!!), I had another dream. This one, I was at the airport in China and the Chinese lady at the counter said to me in broken English, "You see, you weren't supposed to be receiving your LOA then, it's because you will get it on day 68!" And then she handed me a little yellow card with the number 68 written in bold black writing on it. I woke up and a few minutes later I was counting days on the calendar. That happened on day 36 ( the day before AJ's birthday!)...so day 68 is April 22, my Mom's anniversary. It is a Sunday, but Monday in China! If my dream is right, we should be finding out that our LOA is on it's way or arrived on that date! So, come on number 68!!!!!!!

Brokeness

2007-04-17T13:44:00.000-04:00

It's not very often that it happens, thank the Lord, but sometimes when life is just too much, I tend to fall apart. I know that's when Jesus REALLY wants us. This morning was one of those tough days. I received ANOTHER call from FedEx, they're still trying to negotitate the delivery of the package. Then, I came to read emails and I had so many prayer requests, many for children. Some who had passed on, others on the brink, and some who have had tragic accidents. I read daily about the issues of so many women dealing with infertility and their desperate wanting of a child to love and nurture, when there are so many abandoned children all over the world. It breaks my heart. Finally, thoughts about the magnitude of the loss of lives in Virginia came flooding in. It got to a point that it truly was too much. The boys were down for their nap and I went into our bedroom and kneeled before the crucifix. I meditated on the passion of our Savior. He gave it all for us, and yet there is so much evil and tragedy in the world. I finally reached a point of "brokeness" and was able to give it all to him. I cried, prayed, pleaded and then just sat in the stillness. Peace filled my heart and I knew the Lord was ever-present with me. He is in control of everything. He allows what happens in this world, because He doesn't want to impose himself on us. He is a true gentleman. He wants our love and our lives more than anything else in the world, yet He doesn't force himself upon us.

When I received that email the other day about prayer being superficial, I think it really was meant to be for me, although it was sent out as a devotional for many people. It spoke to my heart and I was able this morning to go beyond the surface and spend that much needed one-on-one time with Christ. I feel so much better now! I've given it all to him. All of the prayer requests, all of my pain and the pain of those suffering due to the many issues they are facing in their lives. He listens, answers and indeed fixes broken people. Thank you Lord for being in my life and for always letting me feel your love and that I could go to you in moments of despair.

I am so thankful for the friendships that I have made through this journey. I know that you are there for me when I am feeling down in the dumps and am overwhelmed, as I was this morning. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, love and friendships. Your positive thoughts and prayers are definitely felt and your emails give me that lift that keeps me going.

I am getting so anxious as we approach the final days of April and I wait for that elusive LOA. As blessed as we have been to receive so many pictures of our beautiful baby girl, it makes it even harder some times. There are few moments during my day that something doesn't remind me of Anna Grace. I already love her so very much and my heart keeps telling me she needs her Mommy.

Finally feeling peace. Have a blessed day everyone.

Prayers being lifted....

2007-04-16T22:08:00.000-04:00

for all of the families and victims of the horrific tragedy that occurred at Virginia Tech today. May the Lord fill the families' hearts with peace knowing that their children, brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers are being held in the arms of our Savior.

There is nothing that could be said that could even try to make any sense of today's events.

Thoughts and rambles.

2007-04-15T22:45:00.000-04:00

It was a wet, rainy day in SW Florida today. But, I loved it. The rain now always reminds me of Kai and I love peering out the window and seeing thousands of raindrops pouring down from the sky. It's calming to me.

A friend sent an email today and had this line in it: "Freedom comes when prayer is no longer superficial." It really made me stop and think. Wow! What a true statement! Many times we pray, or let me clarify that....I pray, and I feel like I'm going thru the motions. But, when my heart is really in it, and the power of the Holy Spirit fills my innermost being, I really do sense that "freedom". What a gift!

I had quite a few email exchanges today with a new "friend" I have made in FedEx. This time, she is the China representative for the courier giant. They are insistent on my sending a copy of my passport to the Chinese custom officials in order to verify that I am indeed who I say I am and that I am the shipper of the package. I tried to let the whole ordeal go, but I received an email (this one directly from China) requesting it. Although I truly want to "let it go", part of me keeps thinking that there is hope and that the original package may yet make it to Anna Grace, but I am so very scared of faxing, of all things, a copy of my passport across the world to truly some unknown person. Scott is really against it and I should learn by now to listen to him. His last words to me this evening when I was pushing for his approval (although it is not something I need, but want) were "Ohilda, do whatever you want!" I guess I will pray on it and see what comes of it. I have dragged my feet in putting the new package together, not sure why. I'm sad the first one didn't make it and maybe I feel in my heart there is still hope. Has anyone out there dealt with FedEx and international shipping? Have you ever had to fax your passport as proof of identification? If so, can you email me privately?

Let's see....what else. Ahhh, I wanted to share that Adam (my middle son) and I went to the movies yesterday. It was nice spending one-on-one time with him. We haven't done that in a long time. Anyways, we saw Perfect Stranger. I absolutely LOVED it! I totally and completely recommend it and am gonna drag Scott to see it with me as soon as I find someone ::hint hint Ayi or PoPo:: to watch the kids for us. Definitely a MUST SEE!

Lastly, I was looking at the calendar. The first week in May is the Labour Day Holiday in China. Therefore, CCAA will be closed and all adoption paperwork will cease for that week. So, what does this mean for us? It means that if we do not receive our LOA in April, we won't be receiving anything until AT LEAST mid May, then add another 3-4 weeks in waiting for our travel approval, we're in mid-June. Then another week or so in making final travel arrangements. We probably won't be in China until the end of June. ::big sigh:: I am trying hard to remain optimistic that we will receive our LOA in April (which is possible, because others have received it around day 75) which makes it the 29th of April. Oh dear Lord, PLEASE let it be your will that we receive our LOA in April. PLLEEEEEEAAASE!!!!!!

Enjoying Florida weather!

2007-04-14T23:13:00.000-04:00

Hopes & Dreams....as we wait on day 60!

2007-04-14T00:30:00.000-04:00

Looking at the good...and the bad.

2007-04-13T12:58:00.000-04:00

A friend suggested I call FedEx to find out if we can get the box back. Well, I did, and of course, they said...."Sure! For another $75.00!!" UGH! So, we've decided that they can keep the box and do whatever with it.

On a happier note, God always provides. During the process of Anna Grace's adoption, I met (online) a wonderful family who I think you've heard me mention that they are adopting an adorable little guy from the same SWI that Anna Grace is in. I fell head over heels for this little guy when we first started looking at waiting child list, but he was a bit older than we were planning to adopt. I have been praying for him for so long and now he will be going home really soon to the best Mama and Daddy that God could find and I know he will be smothered in endless love.

I have totally digressed from why I said that "God always provides". It's because April, Aiden's Mama, has offered to take a new birthday package for us when she travels in 3-4 weeks. I can't thank her enough for in fact, putting a smile on our sweeties face. Friends really are "Angels on Earth!" Thank you so very much, April! MMMWAAAHHH!!!!!!! You are a real friend.

Lastly, I just have to share this morning's conversation with Scott. My sweet husband, who can't stand seeing me so depressed, said to me today, "Honey, look at it this way. God had a reason for that box not getting to Anna Grace. You never know, maybe the customs officials decided to throw out the entire box and while it was sitting in a big garbage hopper in the back of the building, some poor Chinese man who was cleaning the alley noticed the box. He then opened it up and found there were goodies and a dolly inside. He was so excited that he dropped everything and rushed home to find a sweet little girl sitting in his living room. This little girl has never had a dolly and she has never tasted a cookie. Her Baba joyfully gave it to her and said, "Look what God sent from Heaven just for you!" Just think, not only did you do God's will by providing a child with gifts she may never have received, but you made a little girl in China very, very happy, honey!"

So, Babe, you are absolutely right! Thank you for letting me see another side to the story. You are an amazing husband and I am praying that you are right. Now, with a smile in my heart that we did something good for a complete stranger, I will go make your boys' lunch and be thankful that we are blessed enough to shower our Anna Grace with many goodies and dollys when she comes home! I love you!

So sad!

2007-04-13T07:43:00.000-04:00

This morning I awoke and saw that my package is still at the customs office. I am so sad. After speaking to the FedEx office again, I was told that they now want a copy of my passport. For some reason, at this point, I am uncomfortable doing this. I just don't understand why a small family album, a doll, and some cookies and candy would be such a big deal going to a little girl in an orphanage.

I know Anna Grace has no idea that it was even on the way, but I feel so helpless. It sucks. I was hoping that the contents of the package would make her feel loved and put a smile on her face, instead. it's made the wait even harder for me and she got nothing. Not to mention the money spent and lost!

What's happening?

2007-04-12T11:36:00.000-04:00

See this FedEx plane? Well, Anna Grace's package is NOT on it. Nope. As of 9 am this morning, it still sits in customs somewhere at the Shanghai airport. ::SIGH:: I made my morning phone call to FedEx, and they said that my last letter was translated to Chinese and sent to customs yesterday morning. We are in a "wait" mode. That's what I was told. I did ask if there was a possibility that they would just decide not to release it, and the girl told me that it is unlikely that they'd do that at this point. She said usually when they don't release packages, we are notified immediately. So, for now, I have to wait until at least midnight (12 pm China time) to see if the package has moved anywhere.

On a good note! I received Kai's passport! Yaaaayyy!!!!! Now we can send in for our visas. I'm almost wanting to wait until we get our LOA to do so, since we will have at least 4 weeks between LOA and actual travel.

Speaking of travel, not sure if I mentioned this before or not, but I've not done 1 stitch of packing. I haven't made any lists, nor have I bought anything for the actual trip. I know it will be mayhem when we get our LOA, but at least it will make time fly and keep my mind off of the fact that indeed we WILL be getting our precious angel!

That's it for now. It's been a looooong, quiet week with the just the boys and I all day since Amanda is gone for spring break. I can't wait till she gets home tomorrow night. Gosh, do I miss that girl!

Perspective...thank you, Lord!

2007-04-11T10:09:00.000-04:00

Have you ever woken up in the morning and just known that it was going to be a good day? Well, this morning was one of those. It just felt different. Nothing in particular has changed. Nope....my package is still sitting somewhere at the airport in Chinese customs office and who knows if it will ever be delivered, and the days are still crawling by. BUT....God, AS ALWAYS, shows me when I forget to lean on Him, that HE IS GOD! Plain and simple.

As you all have read, the past 2 days I have been relishing in my big pity party. Feeling sorry for myself that I am only on day 50 something of the wait, angry and upset that we sent Anna Grace's package and it has been held up (not to mention the exhorbitant amount of $ it cost to FedEx it), Kai's passport was delayed because of inempt employees....well, you get the picture.

This morning as I was reading my emails, I received an email from someone who I had apparently told I was going to send a fabric square and wish to, and I thought I had. I obviously didn't because she was asking about it. So, I write back, apologize and tell her that it's going to be in the mail today. That's it. I thought it was over.

A little while later, I come back to the computer and there is another email from this same person. She had gone to my website and seen what God had done in our lives and how we had been blessed with not only Kai, but had AJ sent down from the Heaven's without even seeking a newborn baby. The reason she sent the second email was because she was telling me she just found out about a situation she is in that may prevent her from adopting from China (she's already cleared the review room). The decision right now lays in the hands of CCAA, and she is anxiously awaiting an answer. She doesn't have any children, and has been dreaming her whole life of being a Mother.

Why am I writing all this? For two reasons, first to thank God for putting things in perspective for me. My problems are so diminished when I hear about the heartache that others are dealing with. I have been blessed to overflowing and even when the times were tough, the Lord carried me through it and when His will was done, as in losing lots of money and our first referral from Belarus, it was for the best, and for His glory. Thank you, Jesus!

The second reason is because I want to ask the wonderful prayer warriors that read my blog, to please pray for this person and her situation. I know there are hundreds of thousands of different circumstances out there of mothers wanting babies, but I also know that it is not a coincidence that this was the only fabric square that didn't make it, and it is also not a coincidence that this woman read my blog NOW for the first time, while she awaits a decision, a life altering decision to be made. Her name is not necessary because the Lord knows who she is, and knows the desires of her heart. Please friends, storm the Heavens with this request. I don't think I've ever used my blog to ask for prayer requests for anyone other than for our needs, but I feel so strongly that the Lord is urging me to do so.

S.

Firmly believe that the decision is NOT in the hands of the CCAA, the decision is in the hands of our Lord & Savior, and He already knows the answer. Matthew 21:22 tells us that "if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer". Please believe with all of your heart and soul that your baby is waiting for you in China and allow God to do the work. God bless you!

2007-04-11T08:43:00.000-04:00

HOLY GUACAMOLE!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-10T18:36:00.000-04:00

I am so frustrated! After, clicking on the refresh buttons 100x today on the FedEx website and still getting the CLEARANCE DELAY message, I decided to call them. The lady was very kind and said, "Aaahh....someone should have called you." Seems that line is the story of my life. I always seem to do the chasing around.

Anyways, bear with my ranting, please. They now wanted ANOTHER letter, which I have drawn up that stated the following:

To Whom It May Concern:

Please be advised that this package is a gift that is unsolicited, Idiots. None of the contents in this package is for resale and is solely to be used for personal use by the recipient, which happens to be my daughter whose birthday was 3 freaking days ago. Yet she didn't have a gift to open because of your need to simulate power.

Your expediting of this package, which you’ve held up for no reason because of cookies and a darn doll, is sincerely appreciated.

Respectfully,

Needless to say, the wording in red was omitted, but definitely thought. Tomorrow is another day.

Something to make me smile!

2007-04-10T12:28:00.000-04:00

Trying hard not to sink!

2007-04-09T22:57:00.000-04:00

Tonight, my disposition has plummeted with a voice mail I received. You see, on Thursday, we spent big bucks on sending Anna Grace a birthday package. Our wonderful USPS could not guarantee me shipment, but my heart was set on her receiving a package from us for her birthday so we decided to send it FedEx Priority. She was to have received it tomorrow, the 10th. Besides the goodies that you see in the picture, we also had included (and most important to me) two letters; one to her, and one for her foster parents explaining that we were sending another little album with the translations of who was who in the family. I was so excited to see the words DELIVERED on my FedEx tracking page. Instead, this is what I got:

The following shipment has encountered international clearance delays:
Tracking number: 855XXXXXXXXXXX
Ship (P/U) date: Apr 6, 2007
Estimated delivery: Apr 10, 2007
Service type: FedEx International Priority
Packaging type: Your Packaging
Number of pieces: 1

Apparently it has been held up in customs. The message I received asked me to fax an invoice declaring all of the items in the package. I did this early this morning, but the box is still stuck in customs. I am so sad. My poor little girl (and yes, I know she probably doesn't know otherwise) probably did nothing for her birthday.

Two wonderful friends received their LOA today. While I am THRILLED for them, they are on day 110 - ONE HUNDRED TEN! And now they have to wait for travel approval. Just the thought that we are only on day 55 makes me sick to my stomach. I'm really trying to hang on tight to the belief that God's plan is perfect and that it will all happen in His time, but it's just one of those days that seem like there's no end to this rollercoaster ride. I want to get off already!!

All I want is to hold my baby girl and show her how much she is loved. Every passing day is one more day in her life that we spend without her, and I know I have no control over it, but I don't know how much longer I can try to keep my spirits up.

At first, the countdown was adventuresome, now it's starting to really irk me. We've been really busy the past few weeks. Things around home are starting to die down. It is spring break here and Amanda is gone with her grandmother (on her Dad's side) for a week. I miss her terribly. We're pretty broke so I can't shop and there is nothing to really take my mind off of this horrendous wait. Every time I turn around I read something new about the wait in China. Yes, the NSN families are having to endure a HORRIFIC wait, but they have not seen their child's face yet. Trust me, I've been on both sides of the coin, and once you have a little face staring back a you, a real person waiting for you, the wait gets much tougher.

I know I'm just babbling at this point, so if you've gotten this far in reading this, I commend you. I just want her to know she is so very loved and wanted and again, I want my baby girl.....NOW!!!!!!

Below are the pictures of the package and its contents.

Easter 2007

2007-04-09T17:17:00.000-04:00

Make your own Click to play

A shower of birthday wishes!

2007-04-08T21:01:00.000-04:00

It has been an a wonderful, but exhausting weekend! I really tried to get on here last night, but the thought of having to download pictures and recap the day was more than my fried brain could handle. So, I am gonna be a bit behind, but I will slowly recap them all in a few different posts over the next couple of days.

The day yesterday started off with the Easter egg hunt! TOOOOOOO cute!!! BUT...that will be in tomorrow's post about Easter. Sorry guys!

After the egg hunt we headed to the Anna Grace's Birthday Shower. I was so thrilled to see many friends and family there! Some even traveled from the east coast! THANK YOU!!!!!!!! Our sweetie was not showered but "drenched" in such beautiful gifts and loving warm wishes. Her closet is now overflowing with adorable dresses, cute outfits, socks, shoes, sandals, Dora sippy cups, a cool potty seat, booster seat and so much more!!!

A HUGE thank you to my Mom & sister, Ily, for all of their hard work. It was beautiful! The room was decorated with a Chinese flair and lots of ballons. The cake was gorgeous with an Anna Grace collage on it, and on the cake table was a picture of our princess! We also showed a video (shown at the bottom of the post) that I made of Anna Grace and some of the pictures from way back to the present, that I've received of her. It was an amazing day and one that we plan on sharing with her when she is home, so that she can see how much she was loved and wanted, even before we ever held her. Again, a huge thank you to all of you that joined us in celebrating our sweetheart's 2nd birthday!

Enjoy the pictures and remember to click the red "x" to shut off the background music while watching the video. If the video does not load for you, you can go directly to Google to watch it, by clicking HERE.

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY, SWEET ANGEL!!!!!!!!

2007-04-07T08:37:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!

We love you so very much and are sending you kisses in the wind and praying that your little heart feel every ounce of love we have for you! We miss you so very much and it won't be much longer before we are holding you and smothering that adorable face with lots of smooches!

Today, Holy Saturday, is Anna Grace's 2nd birthday; the last one she will spend alone. It is a very busy day in the Bombardier household as the boys are going to their first Easter egg hunt and then my wonderful Mom and sister have put together a lovely birthday/shower celebration of Anna Grace's second birthday!! We are so grateful and excited that our little girl, although no one has actually met her, is so incredibly loved! I will post details and pictures later tonight. I ask all of my wonderful prayer warriors to please take a moment and say a quick prayer for our little one who is so far away from her Mama and Baba.

Lord Jesus,

On this Holy Day, I lift up our beautiful baby to you. Lord, I know your plan is perfect and your timing for us to hold her will be when you are ready and what is best for all of us. I ask you Lord to protect her, watch over her, and most of all, allow her to feel true love from those surrounding her so that she knows what it is liked to be loved, and also to return that love.

Lord, we give you all the honor and praise on this day of celebration of Feng Qin's birth, and also want to give thanks to her birthmother for having given her the gift of life. Lord, please fill her birthmother's heart with the peace and knowledge that you have taken this little sparrow into your hands and that you will soon be providing her with a home filled with love, caring and most of all, parents who will teach her to adore and worship you.

We pray this, as we pray all things,

In Your Blessed Name.

AMEN!

Swinging Away

2007-04-05T22:44:00.000-04:00

I think I had mentioned that Kai & AJ's Ayi & Po-Po had gotten them swings for the backyard. Well, thanks to Emily (AnnaClaire's Jie-Jie) for giving us the idea, Scott set up their swings in between some big pine trees we have in the backyard. The boys love going out there and swinging! AJ thinks it's a new method of going to sleep and Kai loves just saying over and over "UP! UP!", his version of "higher".

Here are some pictures of the little guys swinging away and a couple in front of our blooming bougainvillea tree.

God's gift!

2007-04-05T00:07:00.000-04:00

Wow! For the record, I am inputting this paragraph now, AFTER I finished writing this long post. I think the Lord really wanted me to write all this for me. It has sparked the fire in my heart (which I needed badly) and I can’t even describe now my feelings for the awesomeness of our God.

Lord, I worship and I glorify you. Thank you for being in my life, thank you for allowing me to know you, thank you for using me to do your work and be your hands and feet, thank you for giving me the grace to praise you in good times and in bad, but most of all, thank you for dying on that cross and not wanting anything back from me, but my total devotion to you, which you have. You are OUR God and we CHOOSE to serve and honor you ALWAYS!

To my readers….here is where my post originally began:

I wanted to write today about the amazing week we are in. Not because we just went through AJ’s birthday, and not because of Kai’s 1st Forever Family Day, but because we are in the midst of Holy Week. This week is my favorite time of year. There is no more inspiring feeling in the world, than knowing that our Savior, our Lord, the King of Kings, gave His life for us…for you and me, and the fact that we do not have to do anything to get to Heaven. The fact that we cannot "earn" our way there, is just…well, amazing huh? The nails that he took gave us that entry pass into His kingdom. All we need to do is two very simple things. His word tell us that “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” – Romans 10:9

I was reading a friends’ blog tonight and it got me thinking about the transformation that my children are going through, both AJ & Kai, from the lives they may have had. I’ve thought about all of the gifts they’ve received this past year, material gifts and others. Yes, you’d think the most important one would be the gift of a forever family….but it’s not. The most amazing gift they have received is the gift of being able to get to know Jesus Christ, who died and rose for THEM, on a personal level.

I know I’ve said this 1,000 times, but I am so honored that I have again, been entrusted to raise two, soon three, of God’s creations in His name; that the Lord has given me the privilege of introducing Him to my beautiful babies. I pray more than anything in the world that they do develop that personal relationship with God….with God the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit. I pray this very special Holy Week as we reflect on the Lord’s passion and His resurrection that they realize the sacrifice that God the Father did for them. He loved us so very much that He gave His only begotten Son, so that we could have eternal life. WOW! How do you repay that? You don’t. Jesus did that for us on the cross.

If you can, take a moment to listen to the song on the blog now. It’s called THIS MAN, by Jeremy Camp. The song asks, “Would you take the place of this man? Would you take the nails from his hands?” Pretty powerful. I think it’s pretty safe we’d all say, no….like Peter denied him 3x. His own apostle. But, he doesn’t expect us to take his place. That’s what blows me away. He's already taken care of that for us. OK. I digress. Going back to the kids.

Children learn from what they see. Although I have to admit that sometimes going to church with the two little guys is overwhelming. Many times it is difficult juggling them and keeping them focused long enough for us to take in a few words of the liturgy, but it is something that we continue to do. First, because although we may miss an awful lot of what is said, we are “fed” each week with the Body & Blood of our Savior in the Eucharist. Nothing could replace that. Secondly, because each week that we go, although we think the kids are in their own little world, they are very observant. AJ is only a baby, but I really feel he knows “the routine”. When I see Kai kneeling, little hands with fingers interlaced, it makes up for all the chaos that surrounds my world. He may be just going thru the motions, but I can feel God’s presence surround us during those times, and I am so very thankful for having Christ in my life. He IS my rock and my fortress and I could not and would not want to live my life any other way. When things go bad, I have someone to turn to in which I could say, “Please, take this from me. I can no longer carry this weight.” AND HE DOES! When things are going well, I again, have someone to turn to and say, “Thank you Jesus, it is because of you that I rejoice.” Therefore, good or bad, He is always there for us. That is why he died on that cross, so that we could take our burdens to him and leave them there, at the foot of the cross, and lean on him for strength. He will fill us with that peace that surpasses all understanding, we just need to ask Him to.

The other day leaving church we had a lady and her husband come up to us and say, “Your son (speaking about Kai) is absolutely precious. We watch him all the time and it is amazing how he does the sign of the cross and how he bows and pays reverence as you cross before the altar.” We smiled and thanked her. But, as I was walking away, I had to stop and thank our Lord and His blessed Mother, because it is through them that we are able to teach our children to pay those respects in the Lord’s house. We can only be an example to our children of our own feelings and our respect for our God, but it is God himself, thru the Holy Spirit, that leads them to Him.

Anna Grace’s 2nd birthday is this Saturday, yet another affirmation for me during Holy Week that the Lord is so present in my life. I am completely filled with peace missing her birthday, because I know that our Blessed Mother has her wrapped in her mantle, and that St. Anne & St. Joaquin, our Lord’s grandparents, are surrounding her with love and grace….all this while our Savior himself commands his angels to watch over her with His blessings.

Last year our Holy Week was spent in China. We returned to the U.S. on Good Friday, and we proudly gave thanks, praise and worshipped our Lord while holding our two new sons on Easter Sunday. What an amazing Easter that was!

I pray that each of you reflect this week on all that we have, all that He has given us, and all that He went through for us. As we are led to Good Friday, the Passion of our Lord, may we take the time to thank Him for his sacrifice, but mostly my prayers are that may you all rejoice in His resurrection on Easter Sunday as we glorify Him for keeping His promises and rising from the dead so that we could all have eternal life. The most incredible gift we could ever receive! Thank you, again, Lord, for being the center of my life….of our lives!

Happy Easter, my friends!

In His Name… The Bombardier Family

HE IS RISEN INDEED!

Now after the Sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to look at the grave.
And behold, a severe earthquake had occurred, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled away the stone and sat upon it.
And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow.
The guards shook for fear of him and became like dead men.
The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified.
"He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said." Matthew 28:2-6

If life were a game.....

2007-04-04T17:32:00.000-04:00

A time of celebration!

2007-04-04T09:28:00.000-04:00

Last night the family got together and we all headed out to the local Chinese restaurant to celebrate Kai's 1st Forever Family Day! He was so cute dressed in his Chinese outfit and was beyond excited that this time the party was for him and not AJ! heh. We had a great time!!

I also want to thank all of you that wrote to us congratulating our little guy on his first anniversary. It was very heartwarming to read all of your well wishes and sweet words to our family. I printed them out and am putting them in his lifebook!

Blessings to all and enjoy the pictures and video clips! (Remember to click the red "X" next to the address bar to remove the background sound).

Little Emperor...Happy 1st Forever Family Day!

2007-04-02T23:11:00.000-04:00

Kai,

You have grown in the past year into a little boy from that toddler with the baby ways that we first held. You are confident, happy, assertive, compassionate, sweet, loving and filled with a zest for life that has no boundaries. You love your family and we are so thankful that your little heart is now able to fully trust and is secure in knowing that we are indeed forever yours, as you are forever ours. You have filled our hearts with an abundance of love to the likes that we could never have imagined. We are honored and privileged to be your forever family. We ask the Lord to watch over you always. Happy 1st Forever Family Day, Kai!!!! We love you so very much!

Mama & Daddy

Before I write about how special today is, I have to start by thanking our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for making his words in James 1:27 come alive in our lives. “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to care for the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”

We try so very hard to live up to His expectations, and I am sure we fail, probably daily. But we know He is a loving and merciful God and regardless of our faults and our weaknesses, He continues to shower us with blessings. Today we celebrate the first anniversary of one of those huge blessings.

A year ago today, was a day that we will forever be thankful for. Scott, my Mom, Amanda and I walked into a tall office building in the city of Hangzhou in the Zhejiang province, just minutes before 9 am. We were told before entering that we had to climb 6 flights of stairs where the babies were waiting. As we entered thru the front doors of the building, there standing with his nanny, was one of the most precious gifts I have ever received in my life. To this day, I am filled with shivers down my spine thinking of how God orchestrated such a perfect reunion of hearts.

Every pain and tear shed during our long arduous wait of almost three years melted away as I bent down and scooped this tiny blessing into my arms. His adorable little face was pale from the lack of sunshine from having been kept in a crib without any stimulation, yet his eyes were soulful and took in every movement that surrounded him. He shed no tears and was so brave and courageous for his short 22 months of life. He just intensely observed everything around him. Half frightened and half in awe of the complete strangers who were probably showing emotions he had rarely encountered, his little arms slowly wrapped around my body.

The moment I had envisioned and played out in my mind over and over again had arrived. We had traveled half way around the world for this blessing. And here it was. This was my son, our son. That first moment I held him, took us to a place where we were the only two human beings on this planet, and a moment that will live forever in my heart and mind. He molded himself into our arms as we left that Civil Affairs office that sunny April day and has never looked back.

There was so much that I looked forward to teaching Kai prior to our arriving in his birth country, yet, the Lord in His glorious awesomeness has humbled not only me, but so many around us and has again shown us that He wants us to come to him as a little child, the way that Kai came to us. We have learned so much from Kai. So much more than what we could have taught him.

He has taught us humility and humbleness. He came from an orphanage completely stark of toys, nutrition and everything we take for granted; yet he openly and lovingly gives of whatever it is he has, to others.

He has taught us to love unconditionally. It hasn’t been an easy road, yet it is one that I would do over and over and over again to feel the love that this little boy gives. The depths of his appreciation for small signs of affection like being told “I love you” or being given a hug is unexplainable. When these moments occur, and they occur often, he stops what he’s doing and smiles. The glimmer in his beautiful, almond-shaped eyes reflect every feeling that has swollen my heart to overflowing. He has taught us to love from the soul. He has been so brave in allowing us to one-by-one knock down that wall of protection that he had built for fear of being abandoned again. Now a year later, that wall has crumbled. There are only fields and fields of open space waiting to be filled with immeasurable amounts of love from his family.

He has taught us the importance of family. Something that for the first 22 months of his life he never had, yet he came into our lives and showed us each how important it is to have a family and how much we learn and offer to each family member by just being there. He has made each of us an integral part of his life.

He has taught us the virtue of patience. His speech is severely delayed, yet he speaks 1000 words without uttering a sound. He can fill a room with smiles and have complete strangers carry full conversations with him. He has a spirit that soars and an aura that fills those around him with amazement and hope.

I was so concerned in the beginning about all of those “firsts” that I had missed in his life. Yet, he was truly a baby in a toddler’s body. His need to be held, loved, nurtured, cared for, fed, were the needs of a newborn. I didn’t miss any first, because everything in his life was and still, a year later, is very new. One of the most poignant moments in our first year together, was the first time he saw rain. Something we take so for granted and try to run from many times. Yet, it was something that he allowed me to see as if I were seeing it for the first time myself. We both ended up standing in the midst of a downpour, my tears blending with raindrops, as we stood in total awe of one God’s miracles happening right before our eyes. A miracle I never even thought about until I experienced it with Kai for the first time.

I was concerned about all of the losses in his life when he came to live with us, but he’s taught us that those losses truly are just stepping-stones to all that we have gained. He came to us only with the clothes on his back, but yet he has filled our lives to capacity with wonder, amazement, and a God-given charm that we could only thank the Lord and his biological parents for.

Thank you Lord for giving us one of the greatest gifts we have ever been blessed to have, our son, Adrian Wen Kai Bombardier.

Scott & Ohilda
Very Proud Parents to 6 beautiful children and one more precious daughter on the way!

Click here to read our journal entry and see more pictures of that first moment together.

...and the Land of the Free! (LONG!)

2007-03-31T21:39:00.000-04:00

About a month ago, Debbie had asked for me to blog about my own citizenship. Well, I was thinking what day better than today to share my story.

Why today, you ask? Today is a very special day in my life. It is the 40th anniversary of my having come into the United States!! Yes, at 2.7 years old, I arrived in this beautiful country. It is truly the land of the free.

I think most of you have guessed already, but I am Cuban. Now, Cuban-American. I am very proud of my heritage and my people.

I don't really want to get into a political post, but I think many of you know, Cuba is a communist country. One of the few left in the world. It is now a totalitarian state controlled solely by Fidel Castro, who is Chief of State, Head of Government, First Secretary of the Communist Party (PCC), and commander in chief of the armed forces.

My parents were in their late teens when Castro took power of the small island on January 1, 1959. By the time 1961 rolled in, both my parents were fighting against the revolution. They knew, even with all the "positive" propaganda, that communism would devastate the country, as it did. Slowly, any land or housing that Cubans owned were taken away from them and became State property. The citizens were now working for the state and being given rationed food that they were allowed to turn in "coupons" for 2x per month. This included 5 lbs. of sugar and 10 lbs of rice for a family of four. To this day, beef is only permitted to be eaten by tourist or top government officials. I digress.

On December 1, 1965, the second "wave" of Cuban exiles began coming into the U.S. via what came to be known as "The Freedom flights". My parents had only been married for 4 years. My brother was 3 years old. I was 2. After much soul-searching, they made the decision to flee the country. They began the tedious process of filing the necessary paperwork for both my grandparents, my parents, my brother and me to leave the country. As soon as people applied for a permit to leave the county, many lost their jobs and they were likened to that of sitting ducks instead of productive citizens of communism. Although some people may have planned for a few months of unemployment, they usually were left without work in Cuba for several years. Many people were turned down. They were ostracized, and forced to do hard labor in agriculture But, it was worth the risk.

After waiting months to see if they were approved, the news came. The Cuban government denied exits to my grandfather and my Dad, but my mother, grandmother and the children were allowed to leave. Both my father and grandfather were sent to the agriculture labor camp.

It was then that my parents were faced with a very difficult decision. Would my mother and grandmother leave with the children to a country where they didn't know the language, the people and possibly be separated from their husbands forever, in order to allow us the opportunity to live a life of freedom? Or would they remain as a complete family in a country where food, medicine and now even shelter was scarce, not to mention military police watching every move made because all of your freedoms were washed away when Castro came into power?

They selflessly thought of us first, the children, and chose the separation. On March 31, 1967, my mother, grandmother, brother and I said goodbye to our fathers and grandfather and boarded a plane to Miami, with only the clothes on our backs. We were allowed no luggage, no personal items. We were met at the airport by Red Cross workers who assisted in providing food and clothing for those immigrants coming in. Once we arrived, we settled in New Jersey first with some family members of my fathers. My mother worked in a factory long hours and studied English, while my grandmother cared for us at home. A couple of months after arriving, my Mom was able to settle us into a small apartment atop of a beauty parlor in Union City, NJ. It's funny because I was so little, but I clearly remember my Mom always hushing us and never being allowed to wear shoes on the wood floors because it would bother the people downstairs.

For two years, my mother and grandmother persisted in filing paperwork for the petitioning of my father and grandfather to leave the island. Finally, in 1969, we were all reunited and a family once again. My parents later heard that minutes before my father & grandfather's plane left the island, the military police had raided the apartment where they lived because they had been informed that my Dad had fought against the revolution. Thank you, Jesus for keeping him safe!

I began kindergarten up in New Jersey without knowing a word of English. I quickly learned the language, as did my brother. My Dad immediately found a job, my Mom continued working at the factory. She continued studying English and successfully acquired a degree in medical secretary at the same time. In 1970, at 7 years old and just weeks before my sister was born, we relocated to Miami where I grew up.

At the age of 21 years old, on May 22, 1984, I stood in an auditorium filled with immigrants from all over the world, and with large teardrops building up, I proudly raised my right hand and was sworn in as an American citizen. I clearly remember that feeling of "being accepted". I was an American.

In 1997, I took a huge leap of faith and returned to my birth country (as a Cuban because they do not recognize my American citizenship) with my father to visit his family, who still live there. It was probably the most poignant 3 weeks of my life. An experience I am thankful for and will never forget. I met the most humble, caring people, who offered me everything they had, and yet they had so very little. Two young cousins, age 12 & 13, I was not able to meet. They were at tobacco labor camps. You see, Castro uses young children to tend to the tobacco fields because their hands are softer and more tender with the fragile leaves. They would be taken there for 6 weeks and then returned to their families.

We had to pay the Cuban government "hotel fees" for the 3 weeks we were there, although we don't even know where the hotel was because we stayed with family. I lived as they do. During that time, there was a huge energy crisis in the country, and daily their electricity and water would be shut off for as long as 10 hours a day. I remember showering in the rain with a bar of soap behind my uncles house because we had gone 2 days without water. It had rained for 2 days, so the river water where they normally would take the oxen carrying 20 gallon barrels to fill with water, couldn't be used because it was too murky.

My uncle tends a farm in the countryside in the province of Pinar del Rio, a beautiful valley surrounded by mountains of unmatched beauty with its natural royal palms enhancing the views. We ate chicken and pork the 3 weeks, although he had over 20 cattle on his farm. But the fine for killing cattle and eating the beef could be up to 10 years in prison. I also walked over to the little store with his food coupons for him to get his ration of rice for the month. When we arrived, the shelves were bare. There was nothing available for him to purchase. My heart broke. Cubans are not allowed to use American dollars, and I was not permitted, as a tourist, to buy from the "Cuban stores".

The second week there, when we went to Havana, where we also had family. My cousins took me to to a beautiful 4 star hotel,
Hotel Internacional. They were not allowed in, yet the hotel was packed to capacity with tourists. It saddened me so to walk thru the beautiful lobby with marble floors, glistening chandeliers, and adorning bronze statues, knowing that I had family waiting outside because of they were not permitted anywhere the tourists were. I walked to one of the elegant restaurants in the hotel and read the menu outside of the entrance. A steak and lobster dinner was $49.US. Unbelievable! A doctor in Cuba makes less than $10US a month.

As I was leaving, I noticed a line of cabs parked around the circular drive. Next to each cab stood girls as young as probably 13-14 years old, waiting. They were prostitutes. My cousin then explained to me that prostitution had risen to exhorbitant numbers because it was the only way these girls could bring home extra money to feed their families.

One of the many things we spoke about while there was their desperation to leave the country. They truly see the US as paradise. The land of milk and honey. They explained why so many risk their lives, even their children's lives, crossing the Florida straits in rafts. They didn't have to explain. In the mere 3 weeks that I was there, I lived a very small part it. I'm sure I didn't even scratch the surface, yet I could feel the agony in their hearts, their yearning for the freedom that they could only imagine through conversations they've heard, yet they were happy. They were accustomed to having nothing and expecting nothing.

Saying goodbye to my family was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It broke my heart to see my father cry as he hugged his brother, his nephews, nieces, cousins and life-long friends. We boarded the plane knowing how truly blessed we were, yet with an ache in our hearts for the suffering that so many endure because of one man's greed for power.

Again, I am so very proud to be Cuban. Yet, if you've never experienced having to abandon your motherland to seek refuge in a new country, or never experienced the denial, loss or violation of our your civil liberties, it may be difficult to completely comprehend the overwhelming sanctity afforded us all by American Citizenship. It is an honor and a privlege to be a part of this wonderful country.

I am forever thankful to my parents for taking that leap for us, for my brother and myself, and allowing us the chance at freedom. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness....what more could anyone ask for?

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Blessed Again!!

2007-03-30T23:12:00.000-04:00

We received new pictures AGAIN! Thank you so much to the Heishman family.
Check out that smile!! Our hearts are soaring!

Here Comes Peter Cottontail....

2007-03-29T21:40:00.000-04:00

Mama's baby boy!

Mama....I'm really trying to smile here!

My adorable little Emperor!

I could just eat 'em up!!

I love these boys so much, even with the "poopie" look on Kai's face!

Mama's heart breakers!

"I just know that if I push hard enough...."

This bunny's pretty big, Mama!

Ok! Is this the last picture?

Soooooo cute!

The Easter Bunny whispering stories to Kai!

This is fun!!!!!!!

All smiles for Mama!

Mama, can we take him home?

Hurry, Mama! It's hard to say "cheeeeese" this long!

Today we went to the mall to take pictures with the Easter Bunny! I wasn't quite sure how the boys would do being that we left the house at 8:15 a.m., ran errands, headed to speech therapy for an hour, grabbed lunch and then finally went to meet the bunny. All that WITHOUT a nap! But they were GREAT!!!! And to boot, I didn't even have the double stroller. I had 1 umbrella stroller and Kai had to walk thru the mall holding my hand. He was AWESOME! I was waiting for mayhem to kick in, but it never did. I was sooooooooooo proud of him...of both of them. He couldn't wait to get to the Easter Bunny, and he was all smiles. So, I have no idea what happened to him when the Easter bunny sat him on his lap. The smile turned into this "I have poopies in my diaper" look. For the life of me, we couldn't get him to give us one of those smiles that melts my heart. The minute he got off of his lap, there was my happy-go-lucky guy again. UGH! AJ was his easy going self. He loved the Easter bunny and was content just being held....didn't matter if it was a great big, fuzzy, white critter.

Ahhhhhh, I had a WONDERFUL day with my sweet boys. I really enjoyed our time together and know that it will be just that much sweeter when there's a China doll thrown into the mix!

Breathe in.....Breathe out!

2007-03-28T13:22:00.000-04:00

Do you remember THIS fiasco? Well, I've been anxiously awaiting to hear from the US Passport Office to see if they were going to accept Kai's unsigned Certificate of Citizenship. Today, finally, I went to the mailbox and there was a letter from the infamous passport agency. I just knew that it wasn't his passport, because I had sent with the COC a pre-paid FedEx envelope for them to return everything in.

I opened the envelope and after beginning to read what they are requesting, I could feel my blood rising. When I went to the passport office here to apply for the passport, I had taken my folder (which weighs about 20 lbs) with every piece of paper pertaining to us and the adoption. I asked SEVERAL times what was needed, I was told SEVERAL TIMES...."Just your driver's license and the child's Certificate of Citizenship." WRONG!!! IDIOTS!!!!!!!

Today's letter stated that they could not process the passport because there was no evidence of relationship between the child and the person signing the application. Therefore, I now have to write them a letter and include and FedEx to them our original adoption papers with Kai's Chinese birth certificate. All this while hoping and praying that it all ends up together with the COC and nothing gets lost. I feel like Jack Bauer when something goes wrong..."DAMMIT!" More time wasted and more expense because it's now another $25. to FedEx the paperwork overnight.

Did anyone hear me say this time around I was going to savor each moment? BLAAAAHHH!

First Birthday Memories

2007-03-28T11:33:00.000-04:00

Wishes and catching my breath....

2007-03-27T16:04:00.000-04:00

I take it from the numerous emails that I have not yet responded to, you guys must think that I've been ignoring you. SORRY!! I haven't. I've just been waiting for the time when I have more than 10 minutes at a time to sit and answer emails, and it doesn't seem like it ever comes around. When I finally do, then there's the million other things I need to get done. For some reason, Scott didn't smile when he asked for clean underwear and I told him to start turning them inside out....heh! I promise I will try my hardest this week to respond to EVERYONE. I love hearing from you, so please be patient.

This past week it's been nuts around here. Between getting ready for Kai's final post placement, having his evaulation for preschool done, AJ's birthday party, family coming in from out of town, and trying to catch up with laundry and cleaning.....I need 48 hours in my day! Not to mention the fact that we've been working hard on repairing all of the damage the dog had done to the yard. Actually, Scott's been working hard. I'm the supervisor. :=0

If you get a moment, please go take a look at Anna Grace's quilt page! I am so excited! We are only 13 wishes/squares away from what we need to start on her quilt. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH that have contributed to this very special keepsake! The fabrics and wishes that have come in are beautiful and it warms my heart to think that my little angel is so loved.

AJ's party was wonderful! Small, but fun! I promise to post pictures....and yes, it will be before AJ turns two! His Ayi & Po Po got him, amongst a million other things, two swings and a slide for the backyard. Kai rises in the morning and his first words (or sign) to me is "PARK!" They both love being outdoors and the swings are definitely a hit. AJ has mastered going up the slide, but then freezes when he reaches the top. That little guy is getting cuter by the day!

So, that's it from the Bombardier homestead right now. We are on day 42 of our TA wait and I am hoping that it's not too much longer before our LOA rolls in. God has been so incredibly amazing in this journey and everything has moved so swiftly that I believe in my heart that we will be fortunate enough to receive our LOA in time to be able to travel by the end of May. I've decided I'm not gonna stress it, and He's in control!

Sweetness Abounds!

2007-03-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

The bread crumbs that allow me to survive

2007-03-23T16:41:00.000-04:00

I am madly, totally, completely in love with this girl!!!!!!!!

A HUGE thank you to the Nash family and to our wonderful agency, Heritage, and their in-country liason, Kathy, for taking pictures of our sweetheart! Yesterday we received TWENTY new pictures of her!!! We were taken back at seeing what a chunky monkey she is becoming, and I'm wondering if now that the foster family has been advised that she is being adopted they are "fattening her up" for us. :) And look....NO GREEN COAT!!!!!!

I've stared into that little face a million times. I just find her to be so beautiful and it is astonishing to me how she resembles Kai so much. Her skin tone and color, her eyes and her profile all look like him.

I've been having a tough time as her 2nd birthday is approaching and it was just wonderful to hear how she is doing. We were again told that her care is excellent and the families that were just there were very impressed with the staff and their love for these children.

I also want to say thank you to Ruth for whispering to our Anna Grace that her Mama will be coming very soon!!!! That meant a lot to me.

Enjoy the pictures, and please....say an extra prayer for her that she remain healthy and happy and that the Lord can speed up the process and complete our finances so that we can bring our baby girl home.

Anna Grace, I love you as much as the whole wide world.....and back again! We're trying hard to get to you as fast as we can, baby!

Mommy

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY, SWEET AJ!

2007-03-22T21:58:00.000-04:00

My sweet baby, AJ....

A year ago today, shortly after 8 a.m., we were blessed with your arrival into this world. God's plan is always perfect, and you were a true miracle in that plan, baby boy. From the moment that we knew you were going to be ours, my heart was exploding with emotion and love for you. I couldn't wait to hold you.

On March 22, 2006, I was handed one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. You were a little bundle, all wrapped like a burrito, weighing only 6 lbs. 9 ozs. At the hospital, we took you back to our room and I just kept repeating that I couldn't believe God had performed such a miracle in our lives. You were perfect and everything I had dreamed of.

AJ, for the past year we have watched you grow from that teeny baby boy, who awoke every 2 hours, sometimes to just play, for 3 months, into a strong, healthy, handsome little toddler. You melted my heart with that first smile. You loved snuggling on your Daddy's chest and could lay there for hours. I loved rocking you and singing to you. You were and still are such a good baby. You have no idea the joy that you've brought into our lives, but I can tell you that if I could reach up and hold a star for each time that you made my heart skip beats, I'd have an entire evening's stars in my hand.

I love you so much, sweet baby. I love how I walk into your room in the mornings and you are standing in your crib, waiting. I love when I approach your crib how you give me this big beautiful grin and always say "HI!" I love when you see your bottle or something you want to eat and you start this cute little "huh, huh, huh" sound. I love when I am changing your diaper and it always turns into a game of "catch me if you can" on the bed as you flop over on your belly and take off crawling at the speed of light, then fill the room with your giggles as I drag you back laughing. I love now that you are walking how you could be across the room but if you see me looking at you and I open up my arms, you drop whatever you're doing and literally come running into your Mama's arms, then lay your head on my chest. I love when I ask you for "besitos" (kisses) and you open your mouth and lean towards my face. I love how your face lights up and you start clapping when Daddy walks through the door. Baby boy, I can go on and on about everything I love about you....because I LOVE everything about you! You are such a huge blessing in our lives and I can't even fathom the thought of you not being in it. I thank our Savior, Jesus Christ, for creating you and creating our family with you in it. You are my baby boy and I am honored and privileged to be your Mama. Telling you I love you with all of my heart and soul only describes the tip of the iceberg about how I feel for you.

God bless you always and may His angels surround you with peace, love and happiness your entire life. May you always allow His light to shine through you and your actions show your love for our Lord.

Hugs and kisses filled with love always,

Your Mommy Forever and Ever....

AAaahh.....it's over!

2007-03-20T12:41:00.000-04:00

Yaaay!! Two of our three adoptions are completely finished! Today we had Kai's last post placement visit, a CCAA requirement at 12 months. He was in rare form as I had to wake him for our social worker to see that he has made huge advancements since his last visit. NOTE TO SELF: Don't make any more appointments during nap time!

AJ's domestic adoption was finalized last July and now we are all set with Kai. If we can only get our girl home, we can get to the business of finally completing our family. It's been a very long four years!

On another note, I've been really busy with AJ's upcoming 1st birthday (more on the in a future post), and we are working on fixing up all of the damage that the dog had done to the yard in the few months that she was outside dog. Last night, we took the boys out to the yard and played ball. They LOVED it!! I let them run around barefoot, play in dirt, roll around the grass and just be boys!

Tomorrow we have Kai's evaluation for the preschool program that includes speech therapy through our school system. I am praying that all goes well. Life is pretty busy in the Bombardier household. Although my heart is 100% positive that Anna Grace being in our lives is God's will, I sometimes wonder how in the world I am going to keep up with running a house and THREE little ones all under 3 years old! Yikes!

Flying Emotions!

2007-03-19T18:09:00.000-04:00

If emotions could be seen, there would be a swarm around me right now. Wow! I awoke this morning to two families who's journey I have been following and are with my agency, receiving their beautiful daughter's in Hefei (where Anna Grace is) today. I am so very happy for them, but knowing that they are so close to my daughter just makes my heart ache even more.

Another good friend also received her adorable son, Noah, this morning and again, while I thrilled with excitement for them, it is so bittersweet knowing that I am still soooooo far away from holding my baby girl. I know that these thoughts are very selfish of me, and I swear I don't mean them in a bad way at all. I love these families and I truly am so happy for them, but it makes me want my baby so badly.

We are only on day 34 of the wait. The average wait to receiving TA (travel approval) has now increased to 114 days from the 90 days that it used to be not so long ago. Again, I know that nothing is impossible with God, just look at my being DTC before the anniversary of my TA.....after I was told over and over that it would be impossible, but it is so hard to keep the faith when hope of things speeding up keeps slipping thru your fingers. I don't even know why I am rushing my life away when we are still waiting for monies to come through so that we could travel, another feat I am putting at the cross, because right now, I have no clue where it's coming from. But, again, in prayer, God fills me with peace that he's in control, so control I am giving Him.

To add to the ups and downs of today's emotional rollercoaster, it was a very bittersweet day in the Bombardier household. Our beloved Phoebe, a fox terrier mix that has been with us for almost 8 years, said goodbye to our family to join another. Phoebe is a very sweet and loyal dog that we adopted from the humane society at only 5 months old. As she grew older, she became very territorial and very defensive of her family nucleus. It got to the point that we were a bit afraid of when strangers approached because she would quickly give them a snarl and not back down. When the boys came home, Kai was TERRIFIED of her. To the point that we had to then put her outside. That made things worse, which is totally understandable because she felt she was being pushed out because of the babies.

Well, we finally got Kai close to her, but then he thought the doggie was a toy. Phoebe was not used to being pulled or pushed or even having little ones around, and when Kai would approach she would growl. AJ is now walking and into everything, and I just know that I can't watch the boys and the dog 24/7 and it was just an accident waiting to happen. It also wasn't fair to have the dog be outside and not part of the family. We couldn't go play in the yard because the boys would immediately go up to her and she couldn't come inside for the same reason. So, after much thought and pain in our hearts we made the decision to take her to the local humane society who does NOT euthanize dogs.

It broke our hearts to leave her there today. Scott and I both said our goodbyes with tears streaming as she was walked away from us. I pray that she find a home with an older couple, who would be perfect for her, that will love her endlessly like she deserves.

It's been a crazy, emotional filled day here today and I'm just ready to bring home our daughter and get life started again!

I miss you dearly, Abuela Fefa!

2007-03-17T18:01:00.000-04:00

The Broken Cord

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly, In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you, You did not go alone;

For part of us went with you, The day God called you home.

You left us peaceful memories,Your love is still our guide;

And though we cannot see you, You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken, And nothing seems the same;

but as God calls us, one by one, the Chain will link again.

Author Unknown.

These two little people in the picture above with me are my wonderful and greatly missed grandparents, Abuela Fefa & Pipo. Today is the 5th anniversary of my grandmother's death. She died on her 90th birthday, St. Patrick's Day. I miss this wonderful lady so very much in my life. She was truly like a mother to me. There's not a time I remember growing up when she wasn't in my life. As I grew, she took care of us while my parents worked. She filled us with joy, laughter and very strict discipline at times, yet the love she had for us was always so evident. She was a funny lady, and always such a hardworker. I'd love to hear stories about her growing up and the hardships that she faced, leaving her home at 13 years old and having to move to the city to help with money for the family. She became a maid and then would sew for people in the evenings to try and mak ends meet. She'd tell me stories about how growing up in the country in Cuba she'd seen so many changes. She grew up with no water or electricity, but life was always good. At 27 years old, she married my grandfather, Pipo, as we used to call him. They together, all 4'11 of each of them, had hearts bigger than I could ever hope to have. They were inseparable, almost to the day they died....3 months apart.

She was an AMAZING grandmother, but being a great-grandmother is what meant the world to her. My children were her children. She'd care for them while I went to work, never taking a cent from me although many times I tried, she always refused. She cooked for them, bathed them and loved them to no end. On weekends, after having seen them all week, she'd call with excuses of having made meals for them and I just HAD to travel across town because she wanted to see them and I certainly couldn't leave her meals sitting at the table. She made the best Cuban steak I've ever had. And oh my gosh, her rice pudding was to die for! Oh, I miss her so very much!!!!!! I wish Kai & AJ would have gotten to know her. I could just hear her bragging about her new babies.

Abuela Fefa, I know that the void in my life for you is only temporary. I know that right now you are with our Lord and Savior, singing His praises and rejoicing with the angels. Someday, I will be there with you and we will be singing together. I know that you & Pipo watch over all of us, especially the kids. My heart tells me that you would love AJ & Kai, and even Anna Grace so very much, although I could probably see you having been one of those telling me "why are you getting into such an ordeal?" But, regardless of whatever I did while you were here on earth, you ALWAYS supported me and you ALWAYS loved me to no end, as I loved you.

Happy birthday today, St. Patrick's Day, and know that there is rarely a day that goes by that I don't think about you and honor you in my thoughts. I love you and miss you so much! Thank you for a lifetime of wonderful memories. I pray that someday I can be the same grandmother to my grandchildren as you were to yours.

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY SWEET NEPHEW!

2007-03-16T08:13:00.000-04:00

This is our precious nephew, Anthony, who turns 18 today!

Oh my gosh, where has time gone?

He was a just a baby. ::sniff::

Anthony,

You know we are so very proud of the man you have become. You are loving and kind and funny and everything we knew you would be. You are a shining example of what living Jesus means. Always know that we all love you SO very much!

Titi Ohilda, Uncle Scott, Adam, Amanda, Tito, Kai, and your Godchild, AJ!

Yearning to go back!

2007-03-15T14:19:00.000-04:00

I am missing Anna Grace an awful lot today and the thought of having to wait another 2-3 months to hold her is sometimes too much. I am so very excited that my good friend Tonya received pictures and video of her beautiful baby girl, waiting in Nanning. She, along with another friend who has that adorable little guy I have mentioned about being in love with, are waiting for their LOA and TA. It's gotta come any day now, and their anxiety is seeping into my heart. I am living each moment vicariously through them.

I also have several friends either in China now or just leaving within the next few days and it is really making me yearn to return. Now that I know what to expect, I will relish every second we are there.

I spent about an hour today reliving our trip to China last year. It is still so fresh in my mind. I remember being homesick and missing our newborn baby, AJ. I remember being tired of Chinese food. I remember missing ice desperately. I remember being sick. I remember the squat potties. I remember how hot it was when all that we packed was mostly winter clothes. But, what I mostly remember is what an amazing, magical country it was. How beautiful the mountains were. The awesomeness of standing on the Great Wall knowing and feeling the history behind it. I remember the warmth of the people welcoming us everywhere we went. I remember the difference in cultures, yet being so humbled by their customs and traditions. I remember the importance of family to those that I had an opportunity to speak with. I remember feeling the pride in their heritage, yet being accepted for taking one of their own back to our home with us. I remember thinking while we were there that it was all so surreal, a dream that I didn't want to wake from. I remember what hardworking people the Chinese are. I remember worshipping with them in a Cantonese Catholic mass on Palm Sunday and just having tears streaming down my face. And of course, I remember holding my precious little Emperor for the first time and thinking what an awesome God we serve. We travel half way around the world for someone to hand you the most delicate creation that God has made, a baby, and hear the words, "this is your son". I cannot wait to go back to China, not only to bring home our beautiful daughter, but because I really feel like a part of me is there.

I hope and pray that in future years, we can travel back someday with Kai and Anna Grace to this beautiful country, the land of their birth. I pray that they feel the same passion and love that seems to be calling me back to it. I am filled with honor in knowing that I have been blessed with not one, but two beautiful Chinese children, and I am forever thankful to The People's Republic of China for opening up their arms and letting us be a part of them forever.

We're a third of the way there, Anna Grace!!!!

2007-03-15T07:58:00.000-04:00

!@#$$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-14T15:41:00.000-04:00

WARNING: IN THIS CASE, JOURNALING TODAY'S EXPERIENCE IS THERAPY. IT IS EXTREMELY LONG AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ADOPTION, OR THE KIDS. IT IS JUST PLAIN THERAPY FOR ME, BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO NOT HAVE TO ASK A JUDGE FOR PERMISSION TO GET OUT OF JAIL SO THAT I COULD GO TO CHINA TO BRING MY DAUGHTER HOME.

Okay....That doesn't mean that I'm done walking around my house ranting and raving, but since I think that Kai & AJ are both tired of looking at me like their mother is a looney, I shall vent here! You guys can click the NEXT button and go on to the next blog if you so desire, because this will just be pissed off rambling!!!

In Sept. 2005, I bought a $2000. laptop, which included a 2 yr. accidental damage, blah..blah..blah policy. The notebook came with all the bells and whistles because I was really getting into video editing, which I love to do. Well, about 2-3 months ago, the DVD burner began freezing 1/2 way through burning. This occured regardless of whether it's a DVD or CD, music or video, I get an error message that the burning failed in every software application I used. That totally sucks! So now, I have to finish what I'm doing, transfer it over to Scott's computer and use his Nero program (which doesn't have 1/2 the stuff that my programs have) and burn it there. If he's on his computer, I either nag him to death to get off so I can burn something, or I have to wait until he's not home to use it.

So, finally, today I figured I'd make the dreaded call. You all know which call that is. When you are warped into the abyss of idiots on the other end of the phone into a tech support galaxy. I gave the boys breakfast, planted them in front of Sprout on PBS and grabbed the phone. I said a quick prayer as I dialed. Well, obviously God was not into answering techinical prayers today. The first 20 minutes of the conversation was trying to repeat serial numbers and contract numbers to some (fill in the nationality - sorry...don't mean to be racist, but I am venting!) that I could barely understand. He then puts me on hold for another 15 minutes and comes back and says that my warranty has expired. Mind you, I'm holding a receipt for my warranty with the dates on it...clearly reads 9/23/05 - 9/23/07. I reiterate to him that it is a TWO YEAR warranty and it was purchased in Sept. 2005. He says, I know "Miss Ohilda" but my computer says it expired in Sept. 2006. UGH!

After almost 4o minutes on the phone, and now the boys are starting to get into everything because they were totally bored, I felt like saying, "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING @!#$! WHAT YOUR COMPUTER SAYS, IDIOT!!!!!!" Instead, I kept taking deep breaths and trying to act "Christian", I said, "Sir, you have the paperwork in front of you that says that I bought a two-year warranty in Sept. 2005, correct?" I hear a quiet..."Yes". I proceeded, "Well, if there are 12 months in a year, and we both know there are. Then it is good for 24 months from the date I purchase it, correct?" Another quiet "yes"....., "So what is the problem? If you add 24 months from Sept. 2005, you end up in September 2007! We are in March. It is not only NOT expired, I still have another 6 months on my warranty still left!" He responds with, "I understand Miss Ohilda, but my computer said it expired in 2006!" OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (head banging on desk by this point!) And if he called me "Miss Ohilda" one more time I was going to go thru the phone and hang him with the phone cord, hence my comment about being in jail.

In the meantime, Kai is nudging me while VERY LOUDLY saying, "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" incessantly about 1 foot from my right ear while the idiot from HP is on the other ear. I finally give in and say, "Ok Sir, what is your solution?" He says, "Miss Ohilda, please call HP Shopping where you bought it from and have them verify your service plan." Fine, anything to hang up with the idiot. By then, I had been on the phone a little over an hour. I take a 10 minute break to change dirty diapers, give juice and a snack and settled the boys in front of the TV set again. I SERIOUSLY considered serving myself a drink....a real drink, but I thought it was waaaay too early and it would be totally irresponsible of me because I knew that one drink wouldn't be enough.

Off I went again into the office to face my demons. I pick up the phone and call HP Shopping. After going thru the digital crap, I get a customer service representative. Ahhhh, yes! She speaks English! A break-through! This nice girl's name was Sharon. I recanted my story of the last hour to her. In about 2 minutes, she had verified that yes, indeed, my warranty was valid until 9/2007. She says to me, "Stay on the line. I will put you through to tech support again and give them the order number for them to verify that your plan is valid." I had already done this, but maybe since it was coming from her, it would mean something. I am now thinking, "We're moving along here. Thank you, God!" I start listening to the music that was quickly becoming very annoying. I glance at the clock 11:36. Ok. Lunchtime for the boys is usually at noon. This will all be cleared up and over with in the next few minutes.

My new friend, Sharon, gets back on the phone and says "Hang on, we're still working on it." I quickly respond with a "No problem!". While I was waiting, the battery on the cordless had died, so I had to run into the bedroom to speak on the "old" phone. The boys were beginning to get a bit restless in front of the TV again, so I called them both into the bedroom. No playpen or way to confine them in there except for closing the door so that they don't roam the house freely. But, thinking positive, I kept telling myself that it wasn't going to be much longer. I look at the clock again....11:55. Hmmm.

At 11:57, Sharon gets back on and says, "Okay I am transferring you to tech support. You should be alright from here." I thank her profusely for her help. I hear the two beeps she said I would hear and then I heard someone say, "HP Tech Support. How may I help you?" I thought, "that's weird, wasn't she just speaking to this person about the situation?" So, I say, "Did you just speak to Sharon from HP Shopping about my warranty?" A new non-English speaking idiot says, "What is your name ma'am?" I answer. He says. "Sharon?" Then proceeds to say, "What can we do for you?" I couldn't believe it! Somehow, someway, this person whom I could barely understand had NO CLUE what I was talking about. All he would repeat was "shopping?" whenever I would say I spoke to HP Shopping about my warranty that they verfiied. Less than a minute later, I hear a click...then the 2 beeps. I'm being transferred! OH GOD, NOOOOOOOOOO!

A man now answers and I literally start crying. Looking back at it now, it's quite funny. He must've thought, "what in the world? This woman is nuts!" I digress. I begin to tell him the whole story, and stop about 1/4 of the way through, still in tears, and say, "Can I just please speak to a supervisor?" He said, "Sure. Hang on." I know he must've told the supervisor that this wacko woman was on the phone crying because the supervisor got on the phone and was so gentle. (HA! As I type this I'm cracking up thinking of what these people must've thought! I told ya this was good therapy!!) Digressing again.

A new voice on the phone says to me, "My name is Scott. I am the [whatever] supervisor. Just calm down and I will do my best and resolve this issue for you now. I hear you've been through a lot." I then through sobs relive the entire last 2+ hours, while Kai & AJ are both in the background repeating their most used word MAMA....over and over. This was after they had emptied drawers and pulled the slats off the vertical blinds. Yes, unsupervised they could be little monsters! Both of them.

Supervisor Scott says to me, "I will stay on the phone with you while we get this straightened out with tech support". I thank him and start listening to the now REALLY annoying music while I'm on hold. Another 15 minutes later, he comes back and says, "I have Fernando on the phone. I've explained all that you've been through and what you need and he will take good care of you!". I take a deep breath....thank him and say hello to Fernando.

Well, not going into each and every detail, I go through the entire thing again with Fernando, who shortly after we began our conversation quickly brought up that my 2 year warranty expired on 9/2006. He told me he was going to try and remedy the situation. By then, it's 12:30 pm. Kai & AJ are both SCREAMING like banchees in the background, so I tell him to hold on, pick up both the kids, race to their room, throw them each into their corresponding cribs and race back to the bedroom where I was praying Fernando was still holding for me.

He was there! He told me that apparently their system had not updated my plan from 2006 to 2007. That I would need to write them a letter stating where I purchased the warranty plan, when I purchased it, how much I paid for it, etc...etc...etc. The rest of what he said was a blur. I yelled, "WHAT????????????????? This is crazy!! I freakin' bought a policy that I paid $250. for. I did nothing wrong. You idiots can't update your system and now I have to sit here and write letters to have it updated so that it can be put into your system? Why am I having to do this? This is HP's fault". I waited to see if he had hung up on me. Nope, he was still there.

Poor Fernando then replied, "I'm sorry. I know you're upset. If it helps, you can fax the letter." UGH!!! I got closer to the baby monitor, turned up the volume and said to him, "Do you hear that screaming in the background? Those are two starving 1 & 2 year old children, who have been literally on their own since 9:30 this morning because their mother has been pulled around like a puppet on a string from department to department and not gotten one ioda of assistance!" There was silence on the other end. I couldn't, no let me correct that, I still can't understand why I, ME, has to be the one to go through all of the work because they couldn't update their systems. Finally, I took a deep breath. I regained my composure and gave in to his request. I asked for the fax number. He told me within 2 hours, I would be in the system and all should be well.

I hung up. Picked up the boys that were red from screaming and who by then had managed to trash whatever was in their reach from the cribs and I headed to the kitchen to fix them lunch. After lunch, I gave them a bath and laid them down for a nap. That was when I sent my first post. After sending the post, I sat in the living room and read a few chapters from the Book of Exodus, no particular reason why I chose it that book. I ended up learning that God tried to kill Moses...did ya know that? TOTALLY off course.

I relaxed a bit and came to sit in front of my computer. I open up my email and lo and behold, sitting there wating for me was an email from Hewlett-Packard's service dept. They had received my fax. The first line, "Congratulations for extending your warranty." Blah...blah...blah. The dates, through September 23, 2007!!

"Ok", I thought. "This is a good time to call them again. Everything is all cleared up now and and the boys are sleeping. Let's do it!" I grab my paperwork and head back to the office where the cordless phone should now have been charged up. I call tech support. Give them my name, case number, contract number, and blood type. Ok, maybe not blood type. Again, I get the same questions, repeat my story of what is wrong with my computer, and again, I get put back on hold. A few minutes later, Habib, or whatever the hec his name was comes back on and says that my warranty expired in 2006. I almost fell out of my chair!!!!!!!!!! I told him I had just received an email with the updated info, yada yada yada. He tells me not to worry he will take care of me.

He proceeds to troubleshoot the problem with the computer. I knew it was the drive because it happened on every program, it wasn't a software issue, but I thought I would appease him. Fortunately, while I was on the phone, Scott came home, so he took over the kids. After about an hour, Habib concludes that its not a software problem. DUH!!!! He then tells me that before they can pick up the computer, they need to reformat the drive. Well, in my experiences with computers, I know that reformatting the drive means wiping everything out and reinstalling the operational system. I said, "Won't I lose all of my data?" He said, "Yes, there is a good chance." No sh*t, Sherlock! Were you not going to mention that small detail? He then tells me I need to back up my hard drive. I said I had flash drives that I could backup maybe 20 gigs, but not the 100+ gig HD that I have. He said, "Well, maybe you can call a local technician to come and back it up for you before we service the computer". So, pretty much after an entire day of total BS, I learned that I wasted $250. in Hewlett Packards Service plan. My choices are either let them reformat the drive and lose everything (which is a definite no-go because MY WHOLE LIFE is on that computer) because they cannot just go and replace the darn DVD burner without reformatting first, or I can go out and spend another $100. and buy my own DVD burner and replace it myself...or I can have someone come out and "ghost" my hard drive so that I can back up EVERYTHING and spend more money! (Don't worry, my adoption stuff is all backed up, but I don't have enough flash drive for everything in the system.). So, at that point, I felt defeated and exhausted. I said, "Forget it. I will think about what I am going to do. Thank you." Right before I hung up, Habib says to me, "One last thing?! Would you like to purchase an additional year of warranty until 2008 for $119.? We have a special today." GOOD GOD! Thank the Lord he was not standing in front of me.

I am off to have those drinks that I thought about at 11:00 a.m. this morning.

Thanks for therapy session.

EXPLODING!

2007-03-14T13:00:00.000-04:00

That's what I feel like doing right now, but I'm so darn mad and frustrated that I don't have the ability to sit still long enough to do so. Ironically, I just opened up the snail mail that came today and in it was a quilt square from a local family. The wish/quote inside?

Patience is the companion of wisdom. - St. Augustine

Grrr! If that's so, then today I am a TOTAL IDIOT!

So, I've done a little shopping!

2007-03-13T16:51:00.000-04:00

Yes, I admit it. "I've gotten a couple things here and there." Does that sound good? That's what I told Scott. heh

But, truly, aren't these just the cutest????? Little girls are so much fun to dress up. I really hope that Anna Grace is REALLY girly! She's gotta be, she's gonna sleep with ribbons in her hair. :)

Blessed Beyond Measure!

2007-03-12T13:41:00.000-04:00

Two of my life's biggest blessings...
My Sister And My Mom!

I am not sure how many of you walked the journey with me while we waited for Kai (and AJ), but those of you that were close to me, knew that it was a very different journey then. I didn't speak much publicly about it, but my family was very alienated from me when it came to us adopting. This was caused for many reasons, mostly Satan at work. But again, God is so much more powerful.

My Mom always told me I was "too old for another child". That I wouldn't have the patience, and why did I want to get into that at my age, etc. My sister was in her own "desert" at the time because of the loss of her beautiful baby boy, and Satan made sure that we, as close as we used to be, didn't share whatsover in all of the miracles that God performed during that 3 year wait for Kai. Most of my support came from the adoption community and very good friends that I made. I will be forever grateful to those of you of you that were there for me, and still are!

God, in His infinite wisdom, used a little child, named Kai, to transform hearts. Kai walked into our lives and God molded the hardened hearts that surrounded me when it came to adoption. Without knowing, Kai was used by God to lead my sister and my brother-in-law to adopting a daughter, whom I hope to meet in that not too far future. Today is their 6th month anniversary of being LID in the wait for Isabella.

My mother journeyed to China with us. At first, I believe only because she loved traveling. I am so thankful to God that He allowed her to share in the "birth" of our child, Kai. Her soul and mind was made different after meeting him, but the visit to the orphanage forever changed her feelings about adoption and these beautiful children. God's plan, as always, was perfect.

Like Thomas, she needed to see to believe, and he could not have placed her on a more poignant journey, then bringing Kai, her grandson, home from China. Her heart is so full of compassion for these children now and she has become a huge advocate for God's orphans. Her encouragement to bring home Anna Grace, when at first there were many unknowns about her special need, played an important role in us being reminded that God was in control and that we had to trust Him.

Neither my sister or my Mom were present with me at the hospital for AJ's birth, after my asking them both to be there. Yet, God also used him not only for them to see what a miracle adoption is and how seamless God creates families, but allowed them to be open to the other side of the coin, and understand the emotions that many times a birthmother goes through to place their child.

I have been so fortunate in knowing deep in my heart that all of the children conceived in my heart, including Anna Grace, were all loved by their birthmothers. Anna Grace & Kai were both abandoned somewhere they would be found immediately. AJ's birthmom shared tears of joy and sadness with me as she placed him in my arms. I am able to someday share the truth with all three of my precious treasures, the fact that they were indeed loved by their birthmothers. Loved to the point of having to place them for adoption so that they would have a better life. I know ultimately, before time even began, that God in His plan was creating them for us, for our family.

This post has gone in content totally from what I expected it to be. I originally wanted to post a quick thank you to my mom & my sister for all they do for me and the kids, but I couldn't possibly do that without giving God the glory and explaining why it is so important that I have these two amazing women in my life now. God's plan was all laid out. I walked the journey the first time around without family pretty much. One of my biggest fears when we were arriving at the end of the journey to bring them home, was the fear of rejection towards them from family. Yet, for God's glory, our entire family has taken them in and loved them unconditionally. This time the journey is so much sweeter. My Mom and my sister adore my boys, as I know they will Anna Grace. Their love for these two little guys is truly so genuine and heartfelt that it humbles me. Both Kai & AJ love their Ayi & their Po-Po and it makes me realize the importance of family.

I cannot emphasize enough to those of you that have siblings that you no longer speak to, or parents that have parted their ways from you, to be the bigger person. Sometimes what we want most is right in our grasp, and yet our pride doesn't allow us to reach out. Ask God for humbleness and humility and allow you the opportunity to ask for forgiveness, even if you weren't the one in the wrong, and to mend those broken fences.

If God forbid, something ever happened to Scott or I, I am so thankful to our Lord that he has provided me with such an amazing family that I know will always love and care for our babies. Yes, they have guardians, but family and extended family is what I am talking about. I am so thankful that they have siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins that are a part of their everyday life. That's what a forever family is all about. Regardless of whether they are good, bad or indifferent.....or how the family was created.

Now that I have rambled all over the place, I can go on to say that I am so very excited! My sister and my mom are doing something very special for us. Something I never got to experience with the boys. They are preparing an adoption shower for Anna Grace! And best of all, it will be celebrated on her 2nd birthday!!! As the day approaches, I have been filled with thoughts of how sad I will be on that day, but that has been turned around with the joy of knowing that we will indeed be celebrating her birth with family and friends. She may not be with us for this birthday, but I know for a fact that it will be the last one she will celebrate without her family.

The word "family" according to Mirriam-Webster's dictionary:

Main Entry: fam·i·ly

Pronunciation: 'fam-lE, 'fa-m&-

Function: noun

Inflected Form: plural -lies

1 : a group of individuals related by blood, marriage, or adoption

2 : a group of usually related individuals who live together under common household authority and esp. who have reciprocal duties to each other.

That last sentence, "who have reciprocal duties to each other" says it all.

Ily & Mom, I love you both so very much. I am blessed beyond measure having you both in my life! This "pregnancy" has been an amazing one with both of you holding my hand. You've made the journey so much sweeter! Thank you! ::MMMMWWAAHHHH::

Below is the beautiful invitation I got in the mail announcing the shower. The inside verse speaks what my heart yells out.

Be still my heart!

2007-03-11T22:41:00.001-04:00

That Magical Moment

2007-03-09T23:48:00.000-05:00

I've seen more "Gotcha" moment videos than I could probably count, yet every time I see one I am in awe of God's perfect way of creating a family.

The love you feel for that child and that first moment together is just something that words cannot describe. I came across this video from Holt International about a few families sharing that special moment and just sat here and bawled reliving the moment that I held my children for the first time.

I can't wait to hold my beautiful princess, Anna Grace. We are almost 1/3 of the way there. I pray that the Lord unite us, in His perfect timing, very, very soon! Anna Grace, I need you home to fill that piece of my heart that is missing. Always know that Mommy loves you so very much!

A lesson well learned

2007-03-09T16:15:00.000-05:00

Do you know what I learned today? I learned that I should listen to my husband!! Scott's pet pieve with me is that I never read instructions and just jump into whatever I do and learn thru trial and error. Well, today was an error! One that I hope I will not regret and cost me valuable time.

Amanda was off from school, so I figured I would drag her to help me with the boys as we went to the crazy passport office downtown and applied for Kai's passport, something we should have done weeks ago. Anyways, I gathered up every document imaginable and when we got there I was told all I needed was Kai's Certificate of Citizenship. Yes! That was easy! I had it right there, on top of the 40 other documents that I thought I would need. So, I proudly pull out my piece of paper and the lady behind the counter says, "It's not signed Ma'am. Do you need to sign it?" Ummm.....duh! You're the professional. How do I know? She said she would check with her supervisor, came back a few minutes later, with the same blank look. She had no clue. Supervisor had no clue. So, there I stood, already upset because I was told it was going to take 10 weeks and if I wanted it in 4 weeks I would have to pay double to expedite it (yes, I know....my fault for procrastinating but I am just in the mood to bi*ch), and not knowing whether I should sign this darn piece of paper for Kai or not. You see, I have a Naturalization Certificate also, when I became a US citizen at the age of 22. But, I was an adult and I signed mine. I was told to always be VERY careful with this document, because not only would it take $250. to replace, it would also take approximately 18 months to get a new one. Since it never expires, shouldn't it have HIS signature on it? That was my reasoning. Although it has a baby picture, it would be the same picture he'd use it for in 40 years. Mine has a picture of me when I was 22. heh.

I then thought, let me call my old agency and ask, for sure they would know. The agency director told me that she wasn't sure what to do now, but when she adopted her daughters, she wrote their name on the certificate then signed her name and wrote BY MOTHER next to it. Hmmm.....ok. That was an option. But something still nagged at me that this document was different, it never expired, like a passport would. So, in 40 years, he'd present it somewhere and it would say BY MOTHER?

The passport agency did not want to take any liability in making that decision for me. They handed me a piece of paper with the National Passport Office's 800 number on it. I head to a quiet corner and call. I go thru the typical governmental requirements of dial 1 for....dial 2 for ....., etc. After about 5 minutes, it asks if I want to speak to a human! YES!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I dial 9 for a real person. I wait....and wait.....and wait. The passport woman behind the counter is now getting a bit impatient as are all the other people waiting behind me, not to mention Amanda who is trying to appease Kai and AJ who are getting very restless. Finally, a new recording comes out that says "We are experiencing a large volume of calls. Please call back at another time. GOOD-BYE!" Click. That was it. In a second, I was disconnected after having been on the phone with their inept system for almost 15 minutes. And NO ANSWER to my question.

I walk back to the counter and apologize profusely to the woman who had seemed to age while I was gone. I told her that I didn't know the answer. She says "So, what do you want to do Ma'am?" I told her, "just send it not signed. Hopefully they will accept it." Signed, sealed and delivered. I left with my receipt and with a hope and a prayer that I will receive a passport in 4 weeks so that I can then send them all in to get our visas to go to China.

I get home and decide that I would go to the place that has all the answers. The APC Yahoo Board. I post my dilemma and lay down for a nap with the boys while my head is filled with thoughts of receiving TA and can't leave because of Kai's passport not being here! I wake up an hour later, head to the computer and have about 10 emails waiting with answers to my question. And what were those answers? READ THE INSTRUCTIONS THAT CAME WITH THE CERTIFICATE OF CITIZENSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!! DUH!!!!

I pull out my instruction sheet which did not even have a crinkle in it because it has never been taken out of the darn envelope and clear as day it states:

"How Should This Certificate Be Signed? If your child is a minor and unable to sign, the certificate should be signed by you for your child. For example, if your child's names is Allison Jones and your name is John Jones, Sr., you would sign the certificate: Allison Jones by John Jones, Jr. The photo on the certificate should be signed in the same manner."

I won't even tell Scott about my day because it will promptly lead to an "I told you so!" that I really don't want to hear. A lesson well learned.