Jesus opens my eyes...AGAIN!!!!!

Yes, that's what He's done. Sometimes I think He must sit on His throne and just shake His head in disbelief as He mutters, "When is she going to learn?" After I posted and ranted and raved yesterday about my homestudy, I got a post from my sister on Anna Grace's guestbook that really reminded me that I'm not in control, and that when I plunge into the depths of darkness (as I seem to do when things don't go my way), I am allowing the enemy to block any blossoming of our Lord's light that may shine through me.

I then remembered that we were invited to a special Night of Adoration at our church last night. To me, going before the Blessed Sacrament is the one of the most awesome moments of my life. As they exposed the Body of Christ, I could feel the Holy Spirit stirring my soul. I was kneeling before our Lord and bowed my head as tears just started pouring. Tears for my daughter, who sits in an orphanage without a family; tears for my children's birthmothers who's heart must wonder how they are, tears for the struggles that Kai is going through in his speech, but most of all, tears for not trusting 100% in our Lord and for wanting to take control of what is happening. I know His love for me is unconditional and He reminds us in His word in Jeremiah 29:11-13, (For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.) that He will not leave me alone. His plans were laid out way before I was conceived, and they are always perfect. It is such a huge sigh of relief to have left those burdens last night at the foot of the cross. I no longer carry that weight. He took it from me and I am so filled with peace.

Lord Jesus, Heavenly Father, I thank you!! I thank you for your love, for your constant vigilence over my life and those that have searched for you and found you. For loving me without ceasing, although it seems like I am constantly disappointing you. Thank you for watching over all of my children, our marriage, and especially our beautiful angel, Anna Grace, who is so very far away from us. But, most of all, thank you for the opportunity and honor to be able to raise these children in your name. To be trusted enough to be given that mission by you is something that makes my heart so filled with joy. That You, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, trust me, a mere servant of yours, to raise Your children! I am honored and I love you with every fiber of my being. I am yours.