The Weekend, Part II

First, I wnat to say that while Scott & I were gone, I called home at least 5 times a day, mostly to let Kai hear my voice and see that Mommy had not walked out on him. I also prepared a few "interactive" videos and emailed them to my sister ahead of time. I think we both agree the videos were a life saver. He very often asked for Mama and my sister would ask him if he wanted to "speak" to me, the answer was of course, yes. So, instead of calling me every half hour, she would play the video for him. The video was a short clip of me talking to him into the camera. It would start by me saying, "Hi Kai! It's Mama! I miss you soooooooooo much! Do you miss me? (PAUSE)" At that point, my sister said he would answer "me" by saying yes. Then I'd remind him that Mommy comes back by singing our now very familiar song. He would clap and sing along and then be all smiles. I'd tell him I love him and to be a good boy for Ayi.

In addition to that Mommy Comes Back video, I also made a short one for bedtime. We have a pretty disciplined routine when it comes to bedtime. Dinner, PJ's, hugs and kisses for everyone in the house, then I rock and sing to him and off to bed with more hugs and kisses. I also try to sing the same song every night to make everything familiar to him. Well, when he came home with him last April, the song of my choosing was "Shout to the Lord". I've sung that song, over and over at bedtime for almost a year now. He now anticipates the last few words of the song and when I finish, he knows it's time for that last kiss.

I digress. Getting back to the video, I again, started off by saying, "Hi Kai! It's Mama. Did you have fun today? (PAUSE - he'd always answer yes) It's time to go "mimi" (spanish for nite-nite) now. So, give Shu-Shu a kiss, and Anthony a kiss and Ayi a kiss". Then I sang "Shout to the Lord" for him and blew him a big kiss. Lastly, I'd say, "Give Mama a big kiss gnite" and my sister said he would blow me a big kiss . I'd finish off with "I love you. Nite-Nite. Mommy will be home soon!" My sister said after the video he'd lay down with his little pillow and go straight to sleep with no problems.

Now, getting back to our arrival home. I called from the airport to say we were on our way. My sister told me he hadn't napped and was pretty wound up. I spoke to him and told him we were on our way home and we sang a bit of the Mommy song on the phone. We pull into the driveway and I couldn't get into the house fast enough. We had an awesome time on the trip, but I missed my kids so much! I don't know how I'm gonna make it in China for almost 3 weeks....Amanda and AJ are not going. ::sniffle::

Sorry, digressed again. Back to the house. My Mom, her husband, Adam (my 22 yr old), my sister, brother-in-law and his dad were all there. Amidst the chaos, were my two little guys. Kai seemed a bit confused when he first saw me. I knelt down and said...."Kai, come give Mama a big kiss". I got a loud resounding NO! I expected it. I said, "Mama missed you so much! Can I have a huggie?" He stood his ground about 5 feet away and said, "NO!" About 10 seconds later, Scott walks in and stands behind me, Kai peels off going completely around me while yelling...."DA-DAAAA" and flies into his arms. Was I hurt? I was a bit sad, but I know it's part of the attachment process and he would come around. We had already experienced almost a week of hell when he stayed one night with my Mom a couple of weeks ago.

I made my way over to my sweet baby, AJ, who was all smiles and almost walking. I smothered him in kisses. That little guy has the most easy going attitude I have ever seen in a baby. He loves everyone. I went back to Kai (who really is such a baby little boy) while Scott was holding him and asked for a kiss again, and again he denied me. This time, I made a game of it and said, "Well, I'm gonna steal one anyways!" And I smothered him in kisses and tickles while he squirmed away into his father's arms.

That night, after everyone was gone, I was going to put him in my bed, but I thought it would be best if we could get right back into our normal routine. So, I rocked him and put him in his crib. Our rocking session was great. Good eye contact and we softly spoke to each other and said our "I love yous". He slept all night, an excellent sign!

Honestly, I have seen no attachment red flags at all since that first night back. I firmly believe now, almost a year later, that he is fully attached. Does he have his little fears? Of course, but so subtle that I think it is not attachment related. It really is just typical 2 year old separation anxiety. The following day after we returned, he must've come up to me about 10x asking me to sing the Mommy Comes Back song. Which, of course, I did. Each time, I held him tight and told him I missed him so much and that Mommy ALWAYS comes back. He'd smile, slide off my lap and go back to being his busy little self. His little heart is secure. Thank you, Jesus!

I think the time off was good for all of us. I really think that he now realizes that Mommy DOES come back and that we are a family, and it's ok to be gone for a bit because we still love each other and we always come back to each other.

I love our boys with every beat of my heart. For Kai, especially, it's been a long, tough road, but one filled with more joy and laughs than I could ever have imagined. That said, I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I could!! Oh yea! We are! Anna Grace is coming home! :)