Saturday, March 31, 2007

...and the Land of the Free! (LONG!)

About a month ago, Debbie had asked for me to blog about my own citizenship. Well, I was thinking what day better than today to share my story.

Why today, you ask? Today is a very special day in my life. It is the 40th anniversary of my having come into the United States!! Yes, at 2.7 years old, I arrived in this beautiful country. It is truly the land of the free.

I think most of you have guessed already, but I am Cuban. Now, Cuban-American. I am very proud of my heritage and my people.


I don't really want to get into a political post, but I think many of you know, Cuba is a communist country. One of the few left in the world. It is now a totalitarian state controlled solely by Fidel Castro, who is Chief of State, Head of Government, First Secretary of the Communist Party (PCC), and commander in chief of the armed forces.

My parents were in their late teens when Castro took power of the small island on January 1, 1959. By the time 1961 rolled in, both my parents were fighting against the revolution. They knew, even with all the "positive" propaganda, that communism would devastate the country, as it did. Slowly, any land or housing that Cubans owned were taken away from them and became State property. The citizens were now working for the state and being given rationed food that they were allowed to turn in "coupons" for 2x per month. This included 5 lbs. of sugar and 10 lbs of rice for a family of four. To this day, beef is only permitted to be eaten by tourist or top government officials. I digress.


On December 1, 1965, the second "wave" of Cuban exiles began coming into the U.S. via what came to be known as "The Freedom flights". My parents had only been married for 4 years. My brother was 3 years old. I was 2. After much soul-searching, they made the decision to flee the country. They began the tedious process of filing the necessary paperwork for both
my grandparents, my parents, my brother and me to leave the country. As soon as people applied for a permit to leave the county, many lost their jobs and they were likened to that of sitting ducks instead of productive citizens of communism. Although some people may have planned for a few months of unemployment, they usually were left without work in Cuba for several years. Many people were turned down. They were ostracized, and forced to do hard labor in agriculture But, it was worth the risk.

After waiting months to see if they were approved, the news came. The Cuban government denied exits to my grandfather and my Dad, but my mother, grandmother and the children were allowed to leave. Both my father and grandfather were sent to the agriculture labor camp.

It was then that my parents were faced with a very difficult decision. Would my mother and grandmother leave with the children to a country where they didn't know the language, the people and possibly be separated from their husbands forever, in order to allow us the opportunity to live a life of freedom? Or would they remain as a complete family in a country where food, medicine and now even shelter was scarce, not to mention military police watching every move made because all of your freedoms were washed away when Castro came into power?


They selflessly thought of us first, the children, and chose the separation. On March 31, 1967, my mother, grandmother, brother and I said goodbye to our fathers and grandfather and boarded a plane to Miami, with only the clothes on our backs. We were allowed no luggage, no personal items. We were met at the airport by Red Cross workers who assisted in providing food and clothing for those immigrants coming in. Once we arrived, we settled in New Jersey first with some family members of my fathers. My mother worked in a factory long hours and studied English, while my grandmother cared for us at home. A couple of months after arriving, my Mom was able to settle us into a small apartment atop of a beauty parlor in Union City, NJ. It's funny because I was so little, but I clearly remember my Mom always hushing us and never being allowed to wear shoes on the wood floors because it would bother the people downstairs.


For two years, my mother and grandmother persisted in filing paperwork for the petitioning of my father and grandfather to leave the island. Finally, in 1969, we were all reunited and a family once again. My parents later heard that minutes before my father & grandfather's plane left the island, the military police had raided the apartment where they lived because they had been informed that my Dad had fought against the revolution. Thank you, Jesus for keeping him safe!


I began kindergarten up in New Jersey without knowing a word of English. I quickly learned the language, as did my brother. My Dad immediately found a job, my Mom continued working at the factory. She continued studying English and successfully acquired a degree in medical secretary at the same time. In 1970, at 7 years old and just weeks before my sister was born, we relocated to Miami where I grew up.


At the age of 21 years old, on May 22, 1984, I stood in an auditorium filled with immigrants from all over the world, and with large teardrops building up, I proudly raised my right hand and was sworn in as an American citizen. I clearly remember that feeling of "being accepted". I was an American.


In 1997, I took a huge leap of faith and returned to my birth country (as a Cuban because they do not recognize my American citizenship) with my father to visit his family, who still live there. It was probably the most poignant 3 weeks of my life. An experience I am thankful for and will never forget. I met the most humble, caring people, who offered me everything they had, and yet they had so very little. Two young cousins, age 12 & 13, I was not able to meet. They were at tobacco labor camps. You see, Castro uses young children to tend to the tobacco fields because their hands are softer and more tender with the fragile leaves. They would be taken there for 6 weeks and then returned to their families.

We had to pay the Cuban government "hotel fees" for the 3 weeks we were there, although we don't even know where the hotel was because we stayed with family. I lived as they do. During that time, there was a huge energy crisis in the country, and daily their electricity and water would be shut off for as long as 10 hours a day. I remember showering in the rain with a bar of soap behind my uncles house because we had gone 2 days without water. It had rained for 2 days, so the river water where they normally would take the oxen carrying 20 gallon barrels to fill with water, couldn't be used because it was too murky.


My uncle tends a farm in the countryside in the province of Pinar del Rio, a beautiful valley surrounded by mountains of unmatched beauty with its natural royal palms enhancing the views. We ate chicken and pork the 3 weeks, although he had over 20 cattle on his farm. But the fine for killing cattle and eating the beef could be up to 10 years in prison. I also walked over to the little store with his food coupons for him to get his ration of rice for the month. When we arrived, the shelves were bare. There was nothing available for him to purchase. My heart broke. Cubans are not allowed to use American dollars, and I was not permitted, as a tourist, to buy from the "Cuban stores".

The second week there, when we went to Havana, where we also had family. My cousins took me to to a beautiful 4 star hotel,

Hotel Internacional. They were not allowed in, yet the hotel was packed to capacity with tourists. It saddened me so to walk thru the beautiful lobby with marble floors, glistening chandeliers, and adorning bronze statues, knowing that I had family waiting outside because of they were not permitted anywhere the tourists were. I walked to one of the elegant restaurants in the hotel and read the menu outside of the entrance. A steak and lobster dinner was $49.US. Unbelievable! A doctor in Cuba makes less than $10US a month.

As I was leaving, I noticed a line of cabs parked around the circular drive. Next to each cab stood girls as young as probably 13-14 years old, waiting. They were prostitutes. My cousin then explained to me that prostitution had risen to exhorbitant numbers because it was the only way these girls could bring home extra money to feed their families.


One of the many things we spoke about while there was their desperation to leave the country. They truly see the US as paradise. The land of milk and honey. They explained why so many risk their lives, even their children's lives, crossing the Florida straits in rafts. They didn't have to explain. In the mere 3 weeks that I was there, I lived a very small part it. I'm sure I didn't even scratch the surface, yet I could feel the agony in their hearts, their yearning for the freedom that they could only imagine through conversations they've heard, yet they were happy. They were accustomed to having nothing and expecting nothing.

Saying goodbye to my family was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It broke my heart to see my father cry as he hugged his brother, his nephews, nieces, cousins and life-long friends. We boarded the plane knowing how truly blessed we were, yet with an ache in our hearts for the suffering that so many endure because of one man's greed for power.


Again, I am so very proud to be Cuban. Yet, if you've never experienced having to abandon your motherland to seek refuge in a new country, or never experienced the denial, loss or violation of our your civil liberties, it may be difficult to completely comprehend the overwhelming sanctity afforded us all by American Citizenship. It is an honor and a privlege to be a part of this wonderful country.

I am forever thankful to my parents for taking that leap for us, for my brother and myself, and allowing us the chance at freedom. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness....what more could anyone ask for?

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Friday, March 30, 2007

Blessed Again!!


We received new pictures AGAIN! Thank you so much to the Heishman family.
Check out that smile!! Our hearts are soaring!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Here Comes Peter Cottontail....

Mama's baby boy!

Mama....I'm really trying to smile here!

My adorable little Emperor!

I could just eat 'em up!!

I love these boys so much, even with the "poopie" look on Kai's face!

Mama's heart breakers!

"I just know that if I push hard enough...."

This bunny's pretty big, Mama!

Ok! Is this the last picture?

Soooooo cute!

The Easter Bunny whispering stories to Kai!

This is fun!!!!!!!

All smiles for Mama!

Mama, can we take him home?

Hurry, Mama! It's hard to say "cheeeeese" this long!

Today we went to the mall to take pictures with the Easter Bunny! I wasn't quite sure how the boys would do being that we left the house at 8:15 a.m., ran errands, headed to speech therapy for an hour, grabbed lunch and then finally went to meet the bunny. All that WITHOUT a nap! But they were GREAT!!!! And to boot, I didn't even have the double stroller. I had 1 umbrella stroller and Kai had to walk thru the mall holding my hand. He was AWESOME! I was waiting for mayhem to kick in, but it never did. I was sooooooooooo proud of him...of both of them. He couldn't wait to get to the Easter Bunny, and he was all smiles. So, I have no idea what happened to him when the Easter bunny sat him on his lap. The smile turned into this "I have poopies in my diaper" look. For the life of me, we couldn't get him to give us one of those smiles that melts my heart. The minute he got off of his lap, there was my happy-go-lucky guy again. UGH! AJ was his easy going self. He loved the Easter bunny and was content just being held....didn't matter if it was a great big, fuzzy, white critter.

Ahhhhhh, I had a WONDERFUL day with my sweet boys. I really enjoyed our time together and know that it will be just that much sweeter when there's a China doll thrown into the mix!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Breathe in.....Breathe out!

Do you remember THIS fiasco? Well, I've been anxiously awaiting to hear from the US Passport Office to see if they were going to accept Kai's unsigned Certificate of Citizenship. Today, finally, I went to the mailbox and there was a letter from the infamous passport agency. I just knew that it wasn't his passport, because I had sent with the COC a pre-paid FedEx envelope for them to return everything in.

I opened the envelope and after beginning to read what they are requesting, I could feel my blood rising. When I went to the passport office here to apply for the passport, I had taken my folder (which weighs about 20 lbs) with every piece of paper pertaining to us and the adoption. I asked SEVERAL times what was needed, I was told SEVERAL TIMES...."Just your driver's license and the child's Certificate of Citizenship." WRONG!!! IDIOTS!!!!!!!

Today's letter stated that they could not process the passport because there was no evidence of relationship between the child and the person signing the application. Therefore, I now have to write them a letter and include and FedEx to them our original adoption papers with Kai's Chinese birth certificate. All this while hoping and praying that it all ends up together with the COC and nothing gets lost. I feel like Jack Bauer when something goes wrong..."DAMMIT!" More time wasted and more expense because it's now another $25. to FedEx the paperwork overnight.

Did anyone hear me say this time around I was going to savor each moment? BLAAAAHHH!

First Birthday Memories



Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Wishes and catching my breath....

I take it from the numerous emails that I have not yet responded to, you guys must think that I've been ignoring you. SORRY!! I haven't. I've just been waiting for the time when I have more than 10 minutes at a time to sit and answer emails, and it doesn't seem like it ever comes around. When I finally do, then there's the million other things I need to get done. For some reason, Scott didn't smile when he asked for clean underwear and I told him to start turning them inside out....heh! I promise I will try my hardest this week to respond to EVERYONE. I love hearing from you, so please be patient.

This past week it's been nuts around here. Between getting ready for Kai's final post placement, having his evaulation for preschool done, AJ's birthday party, family coming in from out of town, and trying to catch up with laundry and cleaning.....I need 48 hours in my day! Not to mention the fact that we've been working hard on repairing all of the damage the dog had done to the yard. Actually, Scott's been working hard. I'm the supervisor. :=0

If you get a moment, please go take a look at Anna Grace's quilt page! I am so excited! We are only 13 wishes/squares away from what we need to start on her quilt. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH that have contributed to this very special keepsake! The fabrics and wishes that have come in are beautiful and it warms my heart to think that my little angel is so loved.

AJ's party was wonderful! Small, but fun! I promise to post pictures....and yes, it will be before AJ turns two! His Ayi & Po Po got him, amongst a million other things, two swings and a slide for the backyard. Kai rises in the morning and his first words (or sign) to me is "PARK!" They both love being outdoors and the swings are definitely a hit. AJ has mastered going up the slide, but then freezes when he reaches the top. That little guy is getting cuter by the day!

So, that's it from the Bombardier homestead right now. We are on day 42 of our TA wait and I am hoping that it's not too much longer before our LOA rolls in. God has been so incredibly amazing in this journey and everything has moved so swiftly that I believe in my heart that we will be fortunate enough to receive our LOA in time to be able to travel by the end of May. I've decided I'm not gonna stress it, and He's in control!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Friday, March 23, 2007

The bread crumbs that allow me to survive

I am madly, totally, completely in love with this girl!!!!!!!!

A HUGE thank you to the Nash family and to our wonderful agency, Heritage, and their in-country liason, Kathy, for taking pictures of our sweetheart! Yesterday we received TWENTY new pictures of her!!! We were taken back at seeing what a chunky monkey she is becoming, and I'm wondering if now that the foster family has been advised that she is being adopted they are "fattening her up" for us. :) And look....NO GREEN COAT!!!!!!

I've stared into that little face a million times. I just find her to be so beautiful and it is astonishing to me how she resembles Kai so much. Her skin tone and color, her eyes and her profile all look like him.

I
've been having a tough time as her 2nd birthday is approaching and it was just wonderful to hear how she is doing. We were again told that her care is excellent and the families that were just there were very impressed with the staff and their love for these children.

I also want to say thank you to Ruth for whispering to our Anna Grace that her Mama will be coming very soon!!!! That meant a lot to me.

Enjoy the pictures, and please....say an extra prayer for her that she remain healthy and happy and that the Lord can speed up the process and complete our finances so that we can bring our baby girl home.

Anna Grace, I love you as much as the whole wide world.....and back again! We're trying hard to get to you as fast as we can, baby!

Mommy

Thursday, March 22, 2007

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY, SWEET AJ!

My sweet baby, AJ....

A year ago today, shortly after 8 a.m., we were blessed with your arrival into this world. God's plan is always perfect, and you were a true miracle in that plan, baby boy. From the moment that we knew you were going to be ours, my heart was exploding with emotion and love for you. I couldn't wait to hold you.

On March 22, 2006, I was handed one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. You were a little bundle, all wrapped like a burrito, weighing only 6 lbs. 9 ozs. At the hospital, we took you back to our room and I just kept repeating that I couldn't believe God had performed such a miracle in our lives. You were perfect and everything I had dreamed of.

AJ, for the past year we have watched you grow from that teeny baby boy, who awoke every 2 hours, sometimes to just play, for 3 months, into a strong, healthy, handsome little toddler. You melted my heart with that first smile. You loved snuggling on your Daddy's chest and could lay there for hours. I loved rocking you and singing to you. You were and still are such a good baby. You have no idea the joy that you've brought into our lives, but I can tell you that if I could reach up and hold a star for each time that you made my heart skip beats, I'd have an entire evening's stars in my hand.

I love you so much, sweet baby. I love how I walk into your room in the mornings and you are standing in your crib, waiting. I love when I approach your crib how you give me this big beautiful grin and always say "HI!" I love when you see your bottle or something you want to eat and you start this cute little "huh, huh, huh" sound. I love when I am changing your diaper and it always turns into a game of "catch me if you can" on the bed as you flop over on your belly and take off crawling at the speed of light, then fill the room with your giggles as I drag you back laughing. I love now that you are walking how you could be across the room but if you see me looking at you and I open up my arms, you drop whatever you're doing and literally come running into your Mama's arms, then lay your head on my chest. I love when I ask you for "besitos" (kisses) and you open your mouth and lean towards my face. I love how your face lights up and you start clapping when Daddy walks through the door. Baby boy, I can go on and on about everything I love about you....because I LOVE everything about you! You are such a huge blessing in our lives and I can't even fathom the thought of you not being in it. I thank our Savior, Jesus Christ, for creating you and creating our family with you in it. You are my baby boy and I am honored and privileged to be your Mama. Telling you I love you with all of my heart and soul only describes the tip of the iceberg about how I feel for you.

God bless you always and may His angels surround you with peace, love and happiness your entire life. May you always allow His light to shine through you and your actions show your love for our Lord.

Hugs and kisses filled with love always,


Your Mommy Forever and Ever....













Tuesday, March 20, 2007

AAaahh.....it's over!

Yaaay!! Two of our three adoptions are completely finished! Today we had Kai's last post placement visit, a CCAA requirement at 12 months. He was in rare form as I had to wake him for our social worker to see that he has made huge advancements since his last visit. NOTE TO SELF: Don't make any more appointments during nap time!

AJ's domestic adoption was finalized last July and now we are all set with Kai. If we can only get our girl home, we can get to the business of finally completing our family. It's been a very long four years!

On another note, I've been really busy with AJ's upcoming 1st birthday (more on the in a future post), and we are working on fixing up all of the damage that the dog had done to the yard in the few months that she was outside dog. Last night, we took the boys out to the yard and played ball. They LOVED it!! I let them run around barefoot, play in dirt, roll around the grass and just be boys!

Tomorrow we have Kai's evaluation for the preschool program that includes speech therapy through our school system. I am praying that all goes well. Life is pretty busy in the Bombardier household. Although my heart is 100% positive that Anna Grace being in our lives is God's will, I sometimes wonder how in the world I am going to keep up with running a house and THREE little ones all under 3 years old! Yikes!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Flying Emotions!

If emotions could be seen, there would be a swarm around me right now. Wow! I awoke this morning to two families who's journey I have been following and are with my agency, receiving their beautiful daughter's in Hefei (where Anna Grace is) today. I am so very happy for them, but knowing that they are so close to my daughter just makes my heart ache even more.

Another good friend also received her adorable son, Noah, this morning and again, while I thrilled with excitement for them, it is so bittersweet knowing that I am still soooooo far away from holding my baby girl. I know that these thoughts are very selfish of me, and I swear I don't mean them in a bad way at all. I love these families and I truly am so happy for them, but it makes me want my baby so badly.

We are only on day 34 of the wait. The average wait to receiving TA (travel approval) has now increased to 114 days from the 90 days that it used to be not so long ago. Again, I know that nothing is impossible with God, just look at my being DTC before the anniversary of my TA.....after I was told over and over that it would be impossible, but it is so hard to keep the faith when hope of things speeding up keeps slipping thru your fingers. I don't even know why I am rushing my life away when we are still waiting for monies to come through so that we could travel, another feat I am putting at the cross, because right now, I have no clue where it's coming from. But, again, in prayer, God fills me with peace that he's in control, so control I am giving Him.

To add to the ups and downs of today's emotional rollercoaster, it was a very bittersweet day in the Bombardier household. Our beloved Phoebe, a fox terrier mix that has been with us for almost 8 years, said goodbye to our family to join another. Phoebe is a very sweet and loyal dog that we adopted from the humane society at only 5 months old. As she grew older, she became very territorial and very defensive of her family nucleus. It got to the point that we were a bit afraid of when strangers approached because she would quickly give them a snarl and not back down. When the boys came home, Kai was TERRIFIED of her. To the point that we had to then put her outside. That made things worse, which is totally understandable because she felt she was being pushed out because of the babies.

Well, we finally got Kai close to her, but then he thought the doggie was a toy. Phoebe was not used to being pulled or pushed or even having little ones around, and when Kai would approach she would growl. AJ is now walking and into everything, and I just know that I can't watch the boys and the dog 24/7 and it was just an accident waiting to happen. It also wasn't fair to have the dog be outside and not part of the family. We couldn't go play in the yard because the boys would immediately go up to her and she couldn't come inside for the same reason. So, after much thought and pain in our hearts we made the decision to take her to the local humane society who does NOT euthanize dogs.

It broke our hearts to leave her there today. Scott and I both said our goodbyes with tears streaming as she was walked away from us. I pray that she find a home with an older couple, who would be perfect for her, that will love her endlessly like she deserves.

It's been a crazy, emotional filled day here today and I'm just ready to bring home our daughter and get life started again!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

I miss you dearly, Abuela Fefa!

The Broken Cord

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, You did not go alone;
For part of us went with you, The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,Your love is still our guide;
And though we cannot see you, You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, And nothing seems the same;
but as God calls us, one by one, the Chain will link again.

Author Unknown.

These two little people in the picture above with me are my wonderful and greatly missed grandparents, Abuela Fefa & Pipo. Today is the 5th anniversary of my grandmother's death. She died on her 90th birthday, St. Patrick's Day. I miss this wonderful lady so very much in my life. She was truly like a mother to me. There's not a time I remember growing up when she wasn't in my life. As I grew, she took care of us while my parents worked. She filled us with joy, laughter and very strict discipline at times, yet the love she had for us was always so evident. She was a funny lady, and always such a hardworker. I'd love to hear stories about her growing up and the hardships that she faced, leaving her home at 13 years old and having to move to the city to help with money for the family. She became a maid and then would sew for people in the evenings to try and mak ends meet. She'd tell me stories about how growing up in the country in Cuba she'd seen so many changes. She grew up with no water or electricity, but life was always good. At 27 years old, she married my grandfather, Pipo, as we used to call him. They together, all 4'11 of each of them, had hearts bigger than I could ever hope to have. They were inseparable, almost to the day they died....3 months apart.

She was an AMAZING grandmother, but being a great-grandmother is what meant the world to her. My children were her children. She'd care for them while I went to work, never taking a cent from me although many times I tried, she always refused. She cooked for them, bathed them and loved them to no end. On weekends, after having seen them all week, she'd call with excuses of having made meals for them and I just HAD to travel across town because she wanted to see them and I certainly couldn't leave her meals sitting at the table. She made the best Cuban steak I've ever had. And oh my gosh, her rice pudding was to die for! Oh, I miss her so very much!!!!!! I wish Kai & AJ would have gotten to know her. I could just hear her bragging about her new babies.

Abuela Fefa, I know that the void in my life for you is only temporary. I know that right now you are with our Lord and Savior, singing His praises and rejoicing with the angels. Someday, I will be there with you and we will be singing together. I know that you & Pipo watch over all of us, especially the kids. My heart tells me that you would love AJ & Kai, and even Anna Grace so very much, although I could probably see you having been one of those telling me "why are you getting into such an ordeal?" But, regardless of whatever I did while you were here on earth, you ALWAYS supported me and you ALWAYS loved me to no end, as I loved you.

Happy birthday today, St. Patrick's Day, and know that there is rarely a day that goes by that I don't think about you and honor you in my thoughts. I love you and miss you so much! Thank you for a lifetime of wonderful memories. I pray that someday I can be the same grandmother to my grandchildren as you were to yours.

Friday, March 16, 2007

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY SWEET NEPHEW!


This is our precious nephew, Anthony, who turns 18 today!
Oh my gosh, where has time gone?
He was a just a baby. ::sniff::

Anthony,
You know we are so very proud of the man you have become. You are loving and kind and funny and everything we knew you would be. You are a shining example of what living Jesus means. Always know that we all love you SO very much!

Titi Ohilda, Uncle Scott, Adam, Amanda, Tito, Kai, and your Godchild, AJ!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Yearning to go back!

I am missing Anna Grace an awful lot today and the thought of having to wait another 2-3 months to hold her is sometimes too much. I am so very excited that my good friend Tonya received pictures and video of her beautiful baby girl, waiting in Nanning. She, along with another friend who has that adorable little guy I have mentioned about being in love with, are waiting for their LOA and TA. It's gotta come any day now, and their anxiety is seeping into my heart. I am living each moment vicariously through them.


I also have several friends either in China now or just leaving within the next few days and it is really making me yearn to return. Now that I know what to expect, I will relish every second we are there.
I spent about an hour today reliving our trip to China last year. It is still so fresh in my mind. I remember being homesick and missing our newborn baby, AJ. I remember being tired of Chinese food. I remember missing ice desperately. I remember being sick. I remember the squat potties. I remember how hot it was when all that we packed was mostly winter clothes. But, what I mostly remember is what an amazing, magical country it was. How beautiful the mountains were. The awesomeness of standing on the Great Wall knowing and feeling the history behind it. I remember the warmth of the people welcoming us everywhere we went. I remember the difference in cultures, yet being so humbled by their customs and traditions. I remember the importance of family to those that I had an opportunity to speak with. I remember feeling the pride in their heritage, yet being accepted for taking one of their own back to our home with us. I remember thinking while we were there that it was all so surreal, a dream that I didn't want to wake from. I remember what hardworking people the Chinese are. I remember worshipping with them in a Cantonese Catholic mass on Palm Sunday and just having tears streaming down my face. And of course, I remember holding my precious little Emperor for the first time and thinking what an awesome God we serve. We travel half way around the world for someone to hand you the most delicate creation that God has made, a baby, and hear the words, "this is your son". I cannot wait to go back to China, not only to bring home our beautiful daughter, but because I really feel like a part of me is there.

I hope and pray that in future years, we can travel back someday with Kai and Anna Grace to this beautiful country, the land of their birth. I pray that they feel the same passion and love that seems to be calling me back to it. I am filled with honor in knowing that I have been blessed with not one, but two beautiful Chinese children, and I am forever thankful to The People's Republic of China for opening up their arms and letting us be a part of them forever.

We're a third of the way there, Anna Grace!!!!


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

!@#$$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WARNING: IN THIS CASE, JOURNALING TODAY'S EXPERIENCE IS THERAPY. IT IS EXTREMELY LONG AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ADOPTION, OR THE KIDS. IT IS JUST PLAIN THERAPY FOR ME, BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO NOT HAVE TO ASK A JUDGE FOR PERMISSION TO GET OUT OF JAIL SO THAT I COULD GO TO CHINA TO BRING MY DAUGHTER HOME.

Okay....That doesn't mean that I'm done walking around my house ranting and raving, but since I think that Kai & AJ are both tired of looking at me like their mother is a looney, I shall vent here! You guys can click the NEXT button and go on to the next blog if you so desire, because this will just be pissed off rambling!!!

In Sept. 2005, I bought a $2000. laptop, which included a 2 yr. accidental damage, blah..blah..blah policy. The notebook came with all the bells and whistles because I was really getting into video editing, which I love to do. Well, about 2-3 months ago, the DVD burner began freezing 1/2 way through burning. This occured regardless of whether it's a DVD or CD, music or video, I get an error message that the burning failed in every software application I used. That totally sucks! So now, I have to finish what I'm doing, transfer it over to Scott's computer and use his Nero program (which doesn't have 1/2 the stuff that my programs have) and burn it there. If he's on his computer, I either nag him to death to get off so I can burn something, or I have to wait until he's not home to use it.

So, finally, today I figured I'd make the dreaded call. You all know which call that is. When you are warped into the abyss of idiots on the other end of the phone into a tech support galaxy. I gave the boys breakfast, planted them in front of Sprout on PBS and grabbed the phone. I said a quick prayer as I dialed. Well, obviously God was not into answering techinical prayers today. The first 20 minutes of the conversation was trying to repeat serial numbers and contract numbers to some (fill in the nationality - sorry...don't mean to be racist, but I am venting!) that I could barely understand. He then puts me on hold for another 15 minutes and comes back and says that my warranty has expired. Mind you, I'm holding a receipt for my warranty with the dates on it...clearly reads 9/23/05 - 9/23/07. I reiterate to him that it is a TWO YEAR warranty and it was purchased in Sept. 2005. He says, I know "Miss Ohilda" but my computer says it expired in Sept. 2006. UGH!

After almost 4o minutes on the phone, and now the boys are starting to get into everything because they were totally bored, I felt like saying, "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING @!#$! WHAT YOUR COMPUTER SAYS, IDIOT!!!!!!" Instead, I kept taking deep breaths and trying to act "Christian", I said, "Sir, you have the paperwork in front of you that says that I bought a two-year warranty in Sept. 2005, correct?" I hear a quiet..."Yes". I proceeded, "Well, if there are 12 months in a year, and we both know there are. Then it is good for 24 months from the date I purchase it, correct?" Another quiet "yes"....., "So what is the problem? If you add 24 months from Sept. 2005, you end up in September 2007! We are in March. It is not only NOT expired, I still have another 6 months on my warranty still left!" He responds with, "I understand Miss Ohilda, but my computer said it expired in 2006!" OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (head banging on desk by this point!) And if he called me "Miss Ohilda" one more time I was going to go thru the phone and hang him with the phone cord, hence my comment about being in jail.

In the meantime, Kai is nudging me while VERY LOUDLY saying, "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" incessantly about 1 foot from my right ear while the idiot from HP is on the other ear. I finally give in and say, "Ok Sir, what is your solution?" He says, "Miss Ohilda, please call HP Shopping where you bought it from and have them verify your service plan." Fine, anything to hang up with the idiot. By then, I had been on the phone a little over an hour. I take a 10 minute break to change dirty diapers, give juice and a snack and settled the boys in front of the TV set again. I SERIOUSLY considered serving myself a drink....a real drink, but I thought it was waaaay too early and it would be totally irresponsible of me because I knew that one drink wouldn't be enough.

Off I went again into the office to face my demons. I pick up the phone and call HP Shopping. After going thru the digital crap, I get a customer service representative. Ahhhh, yes! She speaks English! A break-through! This nice girl's name was Sharon. I recanted my story of the last hour to her. In about 2 minutes, she had verified that yes, indeed, my warranty was valid until 9/2007. She says to me, "Stay on the line. I will put you through to tech support again and give them the order number for them to verify that your plan is valid." I had already done this, but maybe since it was coming from her, it would mean something. I am now thinking, "We're moving along here. Thank you, God!" I start listening to the music that was quickly becoming very annoying. I glance at the clock 11:36. Ok. Lunchtime for the boys is usually at noon. This will all be cleared up and over with in the next few minutes.

My new friend, Sharon, gets back on the phone and says "Hang on, we're still working on it." I quickly respond with a "No problem!". While I was waiting, the battery on the cordless had died, so I had to run into the bedroom to speak on the "old" phone. The boys were beginning to get a bit restless in front of the TV again, so I called them both into the bedroom. No playpen or way to confine them in there except for closing the door so that they don't roam the house freely. But, thinking positive, I kept telling myself that it wasn't going to be much longer. I look at the clock again....11:55. Hmmm.

At 11:57, Sharon gets back on and says, "Okay I am transferring you to tech support. You should be alright from here." I thank her profusely for her help. I hear the two beeps she said I would hear and then I heard someone say, "HP Tech Support. How may I help you?" I thought, "that's weird, wasn't she just speaking to this person about the situation?" So, I say, "Did you just speak to Sharon from HP Shopping about my warranty?" A new non-English speaking idiot says, "What is your name ma'am?" I answer. He says. "Sharon?" Then proceeds to say, "What can we do for you?" I couldn't believe it! Somehow, someway, this person whom I could barely understand had NO CLUE what I was talking about. All he would repeat was "shopping?" whenever I would say I spoke to HP Shopping about my warranty that they verfiied. Less than a minute later, I hear a click...then the 2 beeps. I'm being transferred! OH GOD, NOOOOOOOOOO!

A man now answers and I literally start crying. Looking back at it now, it's quite funny. He must've thought, "what in the world? This woman is nuts!" I digress. I begin to tell him the whole story, and stop about 1/4 of the way through, still in tears, and say, "Can I just please speak to a supervisor?" He said, "Sure. Hang on." I know he must've told the supervisor that this wacko woman was on the phone crying because the supervisor got on the phone and was so gentle. (HA! As I type this I'm cracking up thinking of what these people must've thought! I told ya this was good therapy!!) Digressing again.

A new voice on the phone says to me, "My name is Scott. I am the [whatever] supervisor. Just calm down and I will do my best and resolve this issue for you now. I hear you've been through a lot." I then through sobs relive the entire last 2+ hours, while Kai & AJ are both in the background repeating their most used word MAMA....over and over. This was after they had emptied drawers and pulled the slats off the vertical blinds. Yes, unsupervised they could be little monsters! Both of them.

Supervisor Scott says to me, "I will stay on the phone with you while we get this straightened out with tech support". I thank him and start listening to the now REALLY annoying music while I'm on hold. Another 15 minutes later, he comes back and says, "I have Fernando on the phone. I've explained all that you've been through and what you need and he will take good care of you!". I take a deep breath....thank him and say hello to Fernando.

Well, not going into each and every detail, I go through the entire thing again with Fernando, who shortly after we began our conversation quickly brought up that my 2 year warranty expired on 9/2006. He told me he was going to try and remedy the situation. By then, it's 12:30 pm. Kai & AJ are both SCREAMING like banchees in the background, so I tell him to hold on, pick up both the kids, race to their room, throw them each into their corresponding cribs and race back to the bedroom where I was praying Fernando was still holding for me.

He was there! He told me that apparently their system had not updated my plan from 2006 to 2007. That I would need to write them a letter stating where I purchased the warranty plan, when I purchased it, how much I paid for it, etc...etc...etc. The rest of what he said was a blur. I yelled, "WHAT????????????????? This is crazy!! I freakin' bought a policy that I paid $250. for. I did nothing wrong. You idiots can't update your system and now I have to sit here and write letters to have it updated so that it can be put into your system? Why am I having to do this? This is HP's fault". I waited to see if he had hung up on me. Nope, he was still there.

Poor Fernando then replied, "I'm sorry. I know you're upset. If it helps, you can fax the letter." UGH!!! I got closer to the baby monitor, turned up the volume and said to him, "Do you hear that screaming in the background? Those are two starving 1 & 2 year old children, who have been literally on their own since 9:30 this morning because their mother has been pulled around like a puppet on a string from department to department and not gotten one ioda of assistance!" There was silence on the other end. I couldn't, no let me correct that, I still can't understand why I, ME, has to be the one to go through all of the work because they couldn't update their systems. Finally, I took a deep breath. I regained my composure and gave in to his request. I asked for the fax number. He told me within 2 hours, I would be in the system and all should be well.

I hung up. Picked up the boys that were red from screaming and who by then had managed to trash whatever was in their reach from the cribs and I headed to the kitchen to fix them lunch. After lunch, I gave them a bath and laid them down for a nap. That was when I sent my first post. After sending the post, I sat in the living room and read a few chapters from the Book of Exodus, no particular reason why I chose it that book. I ended up learning that God tried to kill Moses...did ya know that? TOTALLY off course.

I relaxed a bit and came to sit in front of my computer. I open up my email and lo and behold, sitting there wating for me was an email from Hewlett-Packard's service dept. They had received my fax. The first line, "Congratulations for extending your warranty." Blah...blah...blah. The dates, through September 23, 2007!!

"Ok", I thought. "This is a good time to call them again. Everything is all cleared up now and and the boys are sleeping. Let's do it!" I grab my paperwork and head back to the office where the cordless phone should now have been charged up. I call tech support. Give them my name, case number, contract number, and blood type. Ok, maybe not blood type. Again, I get the same questions, repeat my story of what is wrong with my computer, and again, I get put back on hold. A few minutes later, Habib, or whatever the hec his name was comes back on and says that my warranty expired in 2006. I almost fell out of my chair!!!!!!!!!! I told him I had just received an email with the updated info, yada yada yada. He tells me not to worry he will take care of me.

He proceeds to troubleshoot the problem with the computer. I knew it was the drive because it happened on every program, it wasn't a software issue, but I thought I would appease him. Fortunately, while I was on the phone, Scott came home, so he took over the kids. After about an hour, Habib concludes that its not a software problem. DUH!!!! He then tells me that before they can pick up the computer, they need to reformat the drive. Well, in my experiences with computers, I know that reformatting the drive means wiping everything out and reinstalling the operational system. I said, "Won't I lose all of my data?" He said, "Yes, there is a good chance." No sh*t, Sherlock! Were you not going to mention that small detail? He then tells me I need to back up my hard drive. I said I had flash drives that I could backup maybe 20 gigs, but not the 100+ gig HD that I have. He said, "Well, maybe you can call a local technician to come and back it up for you before we service the computer". So, pretty much after an entire day of total BS, I learned that I wasted $250. in Hewlett Packards Service plan. My choices are either let them reformat the drive and lose everything (which is a definite no-go because MY WHOLE LIFE is on that computer) because they cannot just go and replace the darn DVD burner without reformatting first, or I can go out and spend another $100. and buy my own DVD burner and replace it myself...or I can have someone come out and "ghost" my hard drive so that I can back up EVERYTHING and spend more money! (Don't worry, my adoption stuff is all backed up, but I don't have enough flash drive for everything in the system.). So, at that point, I felt defeated and exhausted. I said, "Forget it. I will think about what I am going to do. Thank you." Right before I hung up, Habib says to me, "One last thing?! Would you like to purchase an additional year of warranty until 2008 for $119.? We have a special today." GOOD GOD! Thank the Lord he was not standing in front of me.

I am off to have those drinks that I thought about at 11:00 a.m. this morning.

Thanks for therapy session.

EXPLODING!

That's what I feel like doing right now, but I'm so darn mad and frustrated that I don't have the ability to sit still long enough to do so. Ironically, I just opened up the snail mail that came today and in it was a quilt square from a local family. The wish/quote inside?

Patience is the companion of wisdom. - St. Augustine
Grrr! If that's so, then today I am a TOTAL IDIOT!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

So, I've done a little shopping!







Yes, I admit it. "I've gotten a couple things here and there." Does that sound good? That's what I told Scott. heh

But, truly, aren't these just the cutest????? Little girls are so much fun to dress up. I really hope that Anna Grace is REALLY girly! She's gotta be, she's gonna sleep with ribbons in her hair. :)

Monday, March 12, 2007

Blessed Beyond Measure!

Two of my life's biggest blessings...
My Sister And My Mom!

I am not sure how many of you walked the journey with me while we waited for Kai (and AJ), but those of you that were close to me, knew that it was a very different journey then. I didn't speak much publicly about it, but my family was very alienated from me when it came to us adopting. This was caused for many reasons, mostly Satan at work. But again, God is so much more powerful.

My Mom always told me I was "too old for another child". That I wouldn't have the patience, and why did I want to get into that at my age, etc.
My sister was in her own "desert" at the time because of the loss of her beautiful baby boy, and Satan made sure that we, as close as we used to be, didn't share whatsover in all of the miracles that God performed during that 3 year wait for Kai. Most of my support came from the adoption community and very good friends that I made. I will be forever grateful to those of you of you that were there for me, and still are!

God, in His infinite wisdom, used a little child, named Kai, to transform hearts. Kai walked into our lives and God molded the hardened hearts that surrounded me when it came to adoption. Without knowing, Kai was used by God to lead my sister and my brother-in-law to adopting a daughter, whom I hope to meet in that not too far future. Today is their 6th month anniversary of being LID in the wait for Isabella.

My mother journeyed to China with us. At first, I believe only because she loved traveling. I am so thankful to God that He allowed her to share in the "birth" of our child, Kai. Her soul and mind was made different after meeting him, but the visit to the orphanage forever changed her feelings about adoption and these beautiful children. God's plan, as always, was perfect.

Like Thomas, she needed to see to believe, and he could not have placed her on a more poignant journey, then bringing Kai, her grandson, home from China. Her heart is so full of compassion for these children now and she has become a huge advocate for God's orphans. Her encouragement to bring home Anna Grace, when at first there were many unknowns about her special need, played an important role in us being reminded that God was in control and that we had to trust Him.

Neither my sister or my Mom were present with me at the hospital for AJ's birth, after my asking them both to be there. Yet, God also used him not only for them to see what a miracle adoption is and how seamless God creates families, but allowed them to be open to the other side of the coin, and understand the emotions that many times a birthmother goes through to place their child.

I have been so fortunate in knowing deep in my heart that all of the children conceived in my heart, including Anna Grace, were all loved by their birthmothers. Anna Grace & Kai were both abandoned somewhere they would be found immediately. AJ's birthmom shared tears of joy and sadness with me as she placed him in my arms. I am able to someday share the truth with all three of my precious treasures, the fact that they were indeed loved by their birthmothers. Loved to the point of having to place them for adoption so that they would have a better life. I know ultimately, before time even began, that God in His plan was creating them for us, for our family.

This post has gone in content totally from what I expected it to be. I originally wanted to post a quick thank you to my mom & my sister for all they do for me and the kids, but I couldn't possibly do that without giving God the glory and explaining why it is so important that I have these two amazing women in my life now. God's plan was all laid out. I walked the journey the first time around without family pretty much. One of my biggest fears when we were arriving at the end of the journey to bring them home, was the fear of rejection towards them from family. Yet, for God's glory, our entire family has taken them in and loved them unconditionally. This time the journey is so much sweeter. My Mom and my sister adore my boys, as I know they will Anna Grace. Their love for these two little guys is truly so genuine and heartfelt that it humbles me. Both Kai & AJ love their Ayi & their Po-Po and it makes me realize the importance of family.

I cannot emphasize enough to those of you that have siblings that you no longer speak to, or parents that have parted their ways from you, to be the bigger person. Sometimes what we want most is right in our grasp, and yet our pride doesn't allow us to reach out. Ask God for humbleness and humility and allow you the opportunity to ask for forgiveness, even if you weren't the one in the wrong, and to mend those broken fences.
If God forbid, something ever happened to Scott or I, I am so thankful to our Lord that he has provided me with such an amazing family that I know will always love and care for our babies. Yes, they have guardians, but family and extended family is what I am talking about. I am so thankful that they have siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins that are a part of their everyday life. That's what a forever family is all about. Regardless of whether they are good, bad or indifferent.....or how the family was created.

Now that I have rambled all over the place, I can go on to say that I am so very excited! My sister and my mom are doing something very special for us. Something I never got to experience with the boys. They are preparing an adoption shower for Anna Grace! And best of all, it will be celebrated on her 2nd birthday!!! As the day approaches, I have been filled with thoughts of how sad I will be on that day, but that has been turned around with the joy of knowing that we will indeed be celebrating her birth with family and friends. She may not be with us for this birthday, but I know for a fact that it will be the last one she will celebrate without her family.

The word "family" according to Mirriam-Webster's dictionary:

Main Entry: fam·i·ly
Pronunciation: 'fam-lE, 'fa-m&-
Function: noun
Inflected Form: plural -lies

1 : a group of individuals related by blood, marriage, or adoption

2 : a group of usually related individuals who live together under common household authority and esp. who have reciprocal duties to each other.


That last sentence, "who have reciprocal duties to each other" says it all.

Ily & Mom, I love you both so very much. I am blessed beyond measure having you both in my life! This "pregnancy" has been an amazing one with both of you holding my hand. You've made the journey so much sweeter! Thank you! ::MMMMWWAAHHHH::

Below is the beautiful invitation I got in the mail announcing the shower. The inside verse speaks what my heart yells out.