Brokeness

It's not very often that it happens, thank the Lord, but sometimes when life is just too much, I tend to fall apart. I know that's when Jesus REALLY wants us. This morning was one of those tough days. I received ANOTHER call from FedEx, they're still trying to negotitate the delivery of the package. Then, I came to read emails and I had so many prayer requests, many for children. Some who had passed on, others on the brink, and some who have had tragic accidents. I read daily about the issues of so many women dealing with infertility and their desperate wanting of a child to love and nurture, when there are so many abandoned children all over the world. It breaks my heart. Finally, thoughts about the magnitude of the loss of lives in Virginia came flooding in. It got to a point that it truly was too much. The boys were down for their nap and I went into our bedroom and kneeled before the crucifix. I meditated on the passion of our Savior. He gave it all for us, and yet there is so much evil and tragedy in the world. I finally reached a point of "brokeness" and was able to give it all to him. I cried, prayed, pleaded and then just sat in the stillness. Peace filled my heart and I knew the Lord was ever-present with me. He is in control of everything. He allows what happens in this world, because He doesn't want to impose himself on us. He is a true gentleman. He wants our love and our lives more than anything else in the world, yet He doesn't force himself upon us.

When I received that email the other day about prayer being superficial, I think it really was meant to be for me, although it was sent out as a devotional for many people. It spoke to my heart and I was able this morning to go beyond the surface and spend that much needed one-on-one time with Christ. I feel so much better now! I've given it all to him. All of the prayer requests, all of my pain and the pain of those suffering due to the many issues they are facing in their lives. He listens, answers and indeed fixes broken people. Thank you Lord for being in my life and for always letting me feel your love and that I could go to you in moments of despair.

I am so thankful for the friendships that I have made through this journey. I know that you are there for me when I am feeling down in the dumps and am overwhelmed, as I was this morning. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, love and friendships. Your positive thoughts and prayers are definitely felt and your emails give me that lift that keeps me going.

I am getting so anxious as we approach the final days of April and I wait for that elusive LOA. As blessed as we have been to receive so many pictures of our beautiful baby girl, it makes it even harder some times. There are few moments during my day that something doesn't remind me of Anna Grace. I already love her so very much and my heart keeps telling me she needs her Mommy.

Finally feeling peace. Have a blessed day everyone.