Thursday, May 31, 2007

Doing the "TA" Dance!!!!!!

We Are Snoopy Dancing in Florida!!!!!!!!!


Filled with praise and thanksgiving to our Lord, we are ELATED to say that we have FINALLY received our TA!!!!!!!!!!!

We have asked for a CA of June 25 and will be boarding the plane to the ancient country of China on June 13. Anna Grace will be in our arms for the first time on Father's Day!

Thank you all for your support, prayers and patience. :)



LOI- 10/6/06

PA - 11/20/06

DTC - 2/6/07

LID - 2/13/07

LOA - 4/27/07 (day 73)


TA - 5/31/07 (day 107 and 34 days from LOA)

CA - 6/25/07 (waiting for confirmation)

TRAVEL - 6/13/07 - 6/28/07


We will be boarding the plane exactly 9 months from the date that we received that amazing email asking if we were still interested in Feng Qin.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

No More Doubting Thomas!!

Yes, that is what I am promising again. A good friend mentioned previously to me that we will see God's reasons for His delays. When I was in the midst of the black hole, not only did I not want to hear it, but although I love our Lord with all my heart and soul, I feared that there was no "miracle" to come from this wait. I WAS WRONG!!!

This isn't something that I would normally share with the world, but it is something that I must share, because all the glory and honor HAS to be given to our Savior for His (once again) perfectly orchestrated plan.

About a month ago, Scott & I, set out to refinance our house. When all was going smooth, we hit a major snag, one that we feared would not allow us to continue with the refinancing. Then ontop of it, we were planning on leaving on the 6th of June to China, which would not allow us enough time to close on the loan before we left if we had indeed solved the issue.

Well, as we all know, TA never came. Therefore, pushing out our traveling date back at least a week to now leaving June 13. This morning, I got a call from the bank. The loan was approved. The snag was untangled. So, where is the miracle, you ask? Last night, we received an email from our agency that our TA is on its way and we should receive it this week, therefore, allowing us to leave on the 13th, with hopefully a CA (consulate appt.) of June 25. But that's not the miracle....the miracle is that because we are leaving later, we CAN now close on the loan before leaving AND we do not have to make mortgage payments for June OR July, therefore giving us the needed cash on hand for our travel money, which we were still trying to figure out!!!

God had to cause the snags with the financing, had to cause the delays with the TA and had to push back our date of leaving in order for our adoption finances to be solved. I did all that whining, crying and doubting while in the meantime, He was busy perfecting what I thought was a mess! It wasn't. It was His plan from the beginning, perfectly laid out. I prayed daily for help with the finances and He was answering.

So, we are feeling pretty good that we will get TA this week, that we will get a CA of June 25, that we will be leaving on June 13, that we will be holding our beautiful Anna Grace for the first time on Father's Day, and the icing on the cake, our funds are complete for the adoption. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!! I shamefully ask for you to forgive me for (once again) being that doubting Thomas and give you all the praise, glory and honor for this miracle.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Celebration of Life....& Eternal Life.

This weekend was a pretty bittersweet weekend. On one end we celebrated the birthdays of two of my guys. Kai and Scott shared their birthday celebration with a small family get-together and a little fun in the sun. Our little guy turned 3! It's been an amazing year and he has grown in every sense of the word. Both of my guys are huge blessings to our family and I thank and praise our Lord for allowing us to share in this celebration. Here are some pictures of our day together.







While we celebrated Kai & Scott's birthday, I received a somewhat awaited phone call that my uncle, Gilberto, had passed away. It's during moments like those that I am so ever grateful to God, our Father, for giving us hope of eternal life through his son, Jesus Christ.

My uncle was probably one of the kindest and most gentle men I've ever met. He is the definition of the word gentleman. He never had a unkind word towards anyone and always had a smile on his face. I pray the Lord pour his mercies upon him and I know that my uncle is gathered with passed family, and all of the angels and saints praising our Savior in the Heavens today! I also pray that He grace my cousins and aunt with his peace that surpasses all understanding. It is so difficult to lose someone you love and try to look at it in a positive way. But, we were indeed very blessed to have had him with us for so long and to feel the love that he shared with all those that surrounded him. As we said our goodbyes, we were really celebrating life; eternal life. The Lord has assured us that by calling him home, where he has created a special place in His kingdom, we will someday be together again.



My sweet uncle, Gilberto and I, back in September 2006.


Friday, May 25, 2007

Thursday, May 24, 2007

HERE SHE IS!!!!!


Our beautiful girl. I couldn't sleep and I kept going to April's blog (which is password protected...sorry) and refreshing. Nothing. Finally, at 5:30 a.m., I finally tried one more time, and there was this little face staring back at me!!!!!!!!! I sat there and just let all the tears flow. Oh my gosh, she is so beautiful.

But wait. I went back to bed and got up a bit ago, to find not one, but TWO video clips of our precious Anna Grace. April is giving her an adorable soft bunny that she got her and was able to hold her and tell her that her Mama will be there soon, and that April & I were good friends.

April, I know I told you this, but I just can't say it enough. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! This has been a terribly emotional and difficult week, and you have made my heart soar with joy by allowing us to see our girl. She looked a bit confused (can you blame her?) on the video, but I think we will be just fine. OH MY GOD!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SCOOP HER UP AND LOVE ON HER NOW!!!!!!!!!

Here are the videos!!! (Gosh, lots of exclamation points on this page! That's a good thing!)
*
Remember to turn off the background music by clicking the red "x" next to the refresh button on your address bar.






A very happy Mama this morning!!!!! Now, PLEASE....C'mon TAs. My baby girl is waiting!!!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Recap of today

Well, I've learned that if you stay really busy, there's no time for moping and feeling sorry for myself. I spent a good 2.5 hours with the boys at the doctors office. Kai is finally caught up on all his shots and poor little AJ got his share today also. Six shots in all. My heart was breaking for him. Shot after shot he'd look at me with those big eyes, huge tears flowing down his cheeks as if begging me to make them stop. I had to turn away. Tonight he is running a temp of 102. Kai got off easy - two shots, no fever and he's ready to go to China.

I was again pleasantly surprised by a few emails from some of my readers that have made my heart so much lighter. Thank you!!! I was also pretty shocked that my site had over 150 hits today! It amazes me how people are interested in my pretty non-eventful life...heh.

One of the emails I came home to tonight made me very happy. It was from the 2nd to last of my "waving hello" lurkers. Guess who de-lurked today? The Broomfield, Colorado reader! How cool was that?!! And what makes this even cooler is that this young woman is doing something amazing with her life. She is packing up, leaving the comforts of home and volunteering in an orphanage in So. Africa for a year. People like that deserve every blessing and grace our Lord has to offer. Amanda and I often speak about someday going on one of the Love Without Boundaries cleft trips to China. I look forward to sharing with her about this reader and her aspirations. I can't think of anything that would fill my heart with more joy than giving of myself fulltime to babies and children who have no one. But alas....I have my own family and my own babies and children to contend with. Who knows, maybe later in life.

Speaking of Amanda, tonight we went to her awards assembly at school and once again, she has made us proud. I am honored and blessed to have such a smart, beautiful and loving daughter to raise for our Lord.

Since the boys were not feeling well, they stayed with Po-Po while Scott and I went to the assembly. It was nice sitting quietly without anyone climbing up your shoulder or wiggling non-stop on your lap during an event. We even had the opportunity to go out for a quick dinner and actually sit and talk. When we got home they were still up and going through their 2nd round of the movie "Cars" with Po-Po. But, I guess, that's what Grandma's are for. :)

Ahhh....some good news for a change! I am beyond excited and cannot wait to wake up tomorrow morning. My friend, April will be going to Hefei SWI tomorrow and God willing, will be checking in on our Anna Grace. I haven't had any updated pictures since March ::gasp:: and am so excited to see what she looks like. If she's grown, if her hair is longer and to hear a little more about what she's like. I pray that April is able to see her. Gosh, that would make this incredibly long and terribly rough week so much sweeter. April, thank you ahead of time for your efforts, regardless of the result. You are a sweetheart.

Lastly, I wanted to share that after I posted about our LOA date and being "the only ones" not to get TA. I did receive a few emails from others in our same position. Not that I wish that upon anyone, but misery loves company and I am glad that it is because CCAA is caught in a backlog (what a surprise!) and not that our file is lost somewhere. So, here's to all of us with 4/27 LOAs still waiting. May God bless us all very soon with that golden ticket that will carry us an ocean away to an ancient land called CHINA!

Again, facing a new day

I am soon leaving to take the boys to the doctor for their regular visit (and shots!), but I wanted to post on here before leaving. I have to say that it is thru all of you that I am making it through this, and God's grace, of course.

I really tried to stay away from the computer yesterday after the news, since all I was doing was going from group to group seeing all of the 4/27 LOAs jumping for joy with their news of TA. My heart truly is happy for them. Those babies all deserve to come home....now.

But, I have to be honest and admit that it saddened me even more after reading everyone's good news. I don't think there is anyone left with the same LOA date as ours that did not receive TA, except for the other family in our agency. I just don't understand it. We are on day 26 of the TA wait, with the norm being 14 - 21 days.

My sweet friend, Peg, said something very poignant to me. God has a reason for having us being in China at the time we are there. As always, we don't know His ways, and whether it's an ephiphany or not, I have to trust that it will be perfect and He is holding our hands through the entire journey.

Waking up to all of your comments and emails, many that included devotionals and scriptures, words of love and support, and just a simple "I understand" sent with hugs has filled me with renewed strength and hope to take in another day. I again ask you to please keep your prayers coming. They are felt and the ride, while still pretty wild filled with constant ups and downs almost on a hourly basis now, is getting bearable. I know it's because I have all of you on the sidelines rooting for us! THANK YOU!!!! You are truly the best and I know that there is no way I could get through moments like this week without your support. Much love and may God's blessings fill your day!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I give up.

This was the response from our incountry facilitator today after checking on our TA with CCAA. It is ourselves and another family. I am besides myself. Who knows now when we will hold our daughter. I am complete and total emotional mess. I have no control over anything, and I don't understand why there has to be no consistency. There seems like there is nothing left to do but function on auto-pilot and crawl back into my hole.

"The two travel permissions for Hefei families haven't sent yet. CCAA said that there are more than 300 travel permissions transferred to them this week and they will assign the regular program first . Then they will do the special needs program.”"


A new day


Well, I woke up this morning feeling better. I am staying away from the computer. I just finished giving the boys breakfast and am dressing them (yaaay....no more pajamas!!) and taking them out to spend a day in the Florida sunshine.


Again, our agency is on the west coast, so if today is the day to hear anything, it won't be until this afternoon. Please continue to keep us in your prayers, they are being felt indeed!!!!!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Sinking quick

Yes, that's what it feels like right now. I feel like I am being pulled at warp speed into a black hole. I think sometimes you just have to go through those dark moments to be able to get past them and see the light again. Except that right now, I feel like there is so much darkness and no light anywhere.

Scott came home tonight with chocolate and kettle chips for me. He knows that my heartache will not be cured with these....but it helps. :) He keeps telling me it will happen in God's time. I know that...but I'm tired of hearing it. I don't want to hear anything like that anymore right now. My faith is strong, but I am starting to feel defeated. It's hard to understand why CCAA is so off balance when it comes to sending out anything. There were lots of TAs received today (including some friends from yahoo groups), but nothing for us. I just don't understand it. We will be on day 25 tomorrow, when the average time between LOA & TA has been 14-21 days.

Yes, I know about God's timing. I know it will happen. I know all those things. Right now, I'm just miserable. I want to be able to cry and pout and shout and just be able to express how totally and completely miserable I am feeling. We, the boys and I, stayed in pajamas all day. I carried that darn phone around everywhere I went. I could not think of ANYTHING but getting that freaking phone call, with the exception of finances because each passing day airfare gets more and more expensive and seats continue to fill up! Let's not even mention consulate dates being filled up. I feel that life should stop until I could get mine going again. But, it doesn't. And that annoys me! It really annoys the hec out of me right now. I guess that's what they mean about misery loves company. I want to share my pity party with those that are as miserable as I am right now.

I spoke to my sister, Scott, Amanda and a few other people today about the wait, and it just seems like no one understands. I've been there, so I know how they are feeling, but unless you've actually been in this position of waiting, you can't understand the pain that being so close, yet so far, causes. Scott has learned through this process not to attach himself to the degree that I do. I AM already her mother. She is my daughter, and we are an ocean apart. I HATE THAT! I have been looking at Anna Grace's beautiful little face for almost 9 months now. I can close my eyes and envision what she is like, how she smells, how her voice sounds. Yes, it's all in my dreams, but I'm so tired of dreaming!! My heart and mind tell me she's not a dream. She is real. Yet, she is still so far away that I can only see her as a dream. I am totally rambling now, all I really want to say is that I am ready to bring my girl home and I don't know what else I could do but pray. Could you please join me? I truly don't want the "it will happen" comments, I just want to know that we are bringing her home...soon. Thank you all for your support, friendship and understanding.

ACK!!!!!!!!


I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE!! The wait for TA when you are THIS close has got to be the absolute, most anxiety ridden portion of this entire roller coaster ride. It's reaching that peak of the roller coaster. You know what I'm talking about - when you are waaaay up there, and ever-so-close that you could almost see miles around from the top, but still need to get thru a few more rungs of the wooden clackity-clack sound before you reach the peak?

That's where I'm at right now. The phone goes with me EVERYWHERE! We are on the east coast. Our agency is on the west coast. Therefore, it is still early there. Yahoo groups are starting to post TAs with the same LOA date as ours. I have worn down my refresh button going from group to group seeing how many TAs have come in. I've prayed, cried, and tried to sleep off the anxiety.....nothing!

PLEASE LORD.....RAIN DOWN TAs ON US TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: Our agency emailed and said that DHL did not have anything from China for them today. They will be checking to see if it is en route. I am TOTALLY and COMPLETELY bummed. I thought, of all days that I needed an uplifting, today was it. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Hopefully tomorrow will be the day???

Special Deliveries!!!!!

Miss Ayla - Isn't she beautiful?

Sweet Aiden - I just LOVE this boy!!

Precious Brady - Wow! That smile lights up a room!


Wow! What a way to start the week. My friends, Tonya and April both received their beautiful children, Ayla & Aiden, last night while we slept. The Loos family received their adorable son, Brady earlier in the week. Oh my goodness, if this doesn't make your heart soar, I don't know what does!

C'mon TAs!!!!!!!!!! I WANT MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I am so blessed!

I am now, at almost 1 a.m., checking my email after a very long day filled with graduation fun and spending time with family. But, before going to bed, I just had to write back in response to all the comments and emails that I had waiting. I am honored and blessed to have such wonderful friends. The support I receive from all of you, even those whom I do not know, truly humbles me. Thank you!! Gosh, where do I start?

First, Amy...no, you aren't the Broomfield reader. You're in Berthoud. And I know exactly what you mean about being jealous of me. I remember coming back with Kai and still wanting to go back to China, although I had agreed with Scott we were done. I think I may have written this before, but a friend once told me that adopting is like eating potato chips.....you can't have just one! Oh my gosh, that has to be one of the most true statements I have ever been told. Unfortunately, our "last potato chip in the bag" is Anna Grace. But, I can say with all honesty that I enjoyed every bite of each chip I ate. :)

I also want to thank those of you that "de-lurked". WOW! How cool is that?!!!! And to my reader from Tracy, Califonia. We share the same LOA? Maybe we will end up with the same Consulate appointment in China! So, here's to TAs definitely coming in soon! Please keep me posted on yours.

Another de-lurker, Janelle! Thank you for coming forward. I know it's tough to delurk when you've been doing it a while. I still lurk many sites myself. :) It's so cool to read that many followers of Anna Grace's journey followed us through Kai and AJ's journey home. I, too, am glad that I haven't had to password protect my blog because I have made wonderful friends through the blog and I love journaling. Not to mention that it's important to me to make sure that others are reminded that all of our blessings come from God. Also, I am a huge advocate of waiting children and if someone can read about how resilient and loving these kids are, it might make the difference about whether or not they take that leap of faith. One child that can find their forever family because of something that might have moved their heart from my blog, is worth every nasty person or comment I may encounter. I wish your LOA come at record speed!

Shelly, thanks for taking the Wisconsin reader credit. :) Too funny! You are always so sweet and I love your blog and hearing about your beautiful family.

Dawn & Carissa, and Kelly.....your words of support mean so very much! Thank you. And Kelly, I just want you to know that I am insanely jealous that you went to go see Michael W. Smith. Please email me with details. He is without a doubt my absolute favorite Christian singer. I was so close to getting tickets until my sister reminded me that it was my nephew's graduation tonight. He's lucky I love him so much. I passed up Michael for him. :)

And a huge thank you to all of you that emailed me privately with your support. I have been graced by God that I don't harbor negative feelings and have learned to forgive. I know people are put in your path for certain reasons and I believe that this person was put in my path when I needed her to be, and possibly when she needed me. Does that mean that is doesn't hurt that my kids were put down? Of course it does, but I know why I love them so much and that's all that matters. As Amy mentioned, can a mother ever love their children too much? I don't think so! I don't blame any mother in the world for wanting to yell from the rooftops how incredibly amazing their children are. I think every child brings something special to this world, and I never tire of hearing my friends tell me how wonderful their kids are. That's because....they really are!

Heading to bed filled with a truly humbled heart and again, blessed beyond measure at the love and support that surrounds me. It's readers and friends like you that make me love blogging! I will definitely have to "wave hello" more often.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Waving Hello

Tonight I have lots of time on my hands. I've picked myself up after accepting the fact that our TA didn't come. As I sit here watching the clock tick while I wait to head to the airport to pick up Scott from his midnight flight (ugh!!), I thought I would wave a friendly hello to a few of my loyal everyday readers. I know many of you that check in daily as we also speak via phone or email privately, these are readers that frequent Anna Grace's site whom I am not familiar with. So for today I'm sending out a great big hello to:

Medina, Ohio
Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin
Harvard, Illinois
Lombard, Illinois
Saint Louis, Missouri
Tracy, California
Broomfield, Colorado

Thank you for following the journey with us.

I did want to mention that ironically, I have a reader who I know personally and had the audacity to tell me that she felt my "love for my children was over the top", yet I've noticed that she continues to check my blog quite frequently. Interesting, huh? Must be like a train wreck. You can't stand it, but can't look away.

Have a great weekend everyone and may next week be filled with a downpour of referrals, LOAs and TAs for all of us waiting!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Total Random Thoughts (long)

I am exhausted, physically and mentally. This has been a beyond crazy week and I don't even know where to start. So, expect this post to be all over the place and it's very long...but again, I want to journal as much as possible to keep for the kids.

First....let me share that I was thrilled to receive an update on Anna Grace yesterday. No pictures, but lots of great insight on our princess.

Here's what we know:

1.Height : 86cm; (same exact height as Kai) Foot length: 14cm;
2.&3. When Fengqin was picked up, there is a pack of quilt with her. On her body, it has the birth note in her pocket which said " was born on Apr.7,2005" .(We will ask to get a copy of it when we get there) (yaaay!!)
4. The orphanage staff named her ; Lu is the family name for the
children , and also the nickname for Hefei city; Feng means she is as rare and special as phoenix ; Qin is to wish that she will have a beautiful life. Her nickname is Fengqin.
5. She entered the foster family at Sunshine Village on Aug.7,2006;
Sunshine village based on the family style fostering program .
6. Fengqin has a good diet. She is not a picking eater. She eats all
kinds of foods including milk, steamed rice, noodles, meat, fish, egg, toufu, and all kinds of fresh vegetables and crackers. Breakfast at 7:00am, lunch at 11:30am, dinner at 18:00pm.
7. She has a routine life. She gets up at 6:30am, takes a nap at
12:30am, goes to bed at 20:00pm. She has a deep sleep usually.
(same routine as the boys!!)
8. Fengqin's favorite activity is playing games with other children.
She likes soft and small toys.
9. Fengqin is potty trained in the day time. At night, she is wearing
cloth diaper.
(woohooo!! Maybe Kai will catch on now!)
10. When she is angry, you could hold her hands or hold her up, give
her some snacks to her . Sometimes a toy will distract her attention.
11. At night, Fengqin sleeps in the same room with other children.
She sleeps alone on her own crib. She needs to turn off the light to go to bed.
12. Fengqin drinks milk from bottle. The brand is Yili. Mixing 25
grams milk with 200ml warm water.
13. Fengqin's favorite snacks are crackers, candies, banana etc.
14. Now Fengqin is healthy. She had minor colds before.
15. Fengqin has no scar or unknown marks on her body.
16. We haven't found that Fengqin has any allergic problem to foods.
17. Fengqin is active and outgoing. She is not afraid of familiar
places. When she is in a strange place and with strangers, she needs some times to adjust.
(we are expecting grieving, but that's ok. We have enough love for her to wait a lifetime for her to adjust! But please keep her in your prayers that God prepare her little heart for this major transition in her life.)
18. Fengqin is at the class of our kindergarten in our orphanage.
19. When you come to China, we will make a copy of the finding ad.
20. We will bring back the items that you mailed or brought to her .
(we will have our little picture album back to go over family members with her while in China)
Date: May 16,2007


We are so blessed to have received so much info and pictures & video on our princess. This is almost unheard of in China adoptions. Thank you, Lord...and thank you to our wonderful agency.

Speaking of wonderful agency. There are rumors flying all over the place that families with LOAs of 4/27/07 (same as ours) have received notification from their agencies that TAs are on their way. Our agency director emailed today to advise me that they did receive a DHL package today, but our TA was not in there. ::sniff:: I'm truly ok with that, since I am not expecting it until next week. And again, I am ever so grateful that they even take the time to say it's NOT there. It puts me at peace and takes away the anxiety of thinking..."is today the day?"

So that's it for news on Anna Grace. Now, we move on to Kai.

Monday we had our appt. with the cleft team. He has reached a point in speech therapy where things are rather at a standstill. His vocabulary is expanding daily, but his articulation is very poor. Bless his little heart, he tries so hard. I digress.

At the appointment we met with an ENT, his cleft surgeon, a pediatrician, two speech pathologists, a dentist and a plastic surgeon. Each one took turns doing their evaluation on him (we were there for over 3 hours) and they all met afterwards and came up with a game plan. The result was that Kai has something called velopharyngeal insufficiency, VPI for short. Basically what this means is that his palate is anatomically too short and it does not reach the back of the throat to close the gap needed for air not to escape through the nasal passages. Hence, his inability to prounounce consonants that need air pressure, such as "b, p, k, j", etc. They said that all the speech therapy in the world would not help. So, now what? Another surgery? Well, yes, another surgery. This one will entail taking tissue from the back of the throat and making a bridge to close the area between the soft palate and the throat. This leaves open spaces on each side of this "bridge" allowing him to breathe through his nose. There are many possible complications to this surgery including obstruction of the airways, so as we approach the day that he will have his surgery I will remind you to please lift him up in prayer. The surgeon told us that again it will be 1 or 2 days in intensive care and then 1 or 2 days in a regular room. So, possibly 4 days in the hospital.

That brings us to...when will he have this surgery? Obviously, the sooner the better since we want to break the bad speech habits he is creating in order to compensate. So, we are probably looking at late July sometime.

That moves us on to the fact that Anna Grace will be home just a month before his surgery. As you all know, attachment is a huge issue we need to deal with. She will be sleeping in our bed, be carried as much as possible and I will try to have her be glue to me 24/7 until we feel she is well attached. Now the tough decision. Knowing that I need to schedule Kai's surgery within a maximum of 6 months, preferably much earlier than that, which is why we are looking at late July. How can I possibly stay away from Anna Grace for 4 days after just having gotten home without regressing MAJORLY in our attachment work? I don't know the answer to that. I am leaving it all to God and the power of prayer. The Lord knows my heart and my love for all of my children. Kai physically needs me at the hospital with him. If this surgery (and I was told it was MORE painful than the last) is anything like the last, I MUST be there. But, I also know that her little heart needs to be secure. So, somehow we will have to juggle her visiting the hospital and I will spend some time with her in the lobby playing and bonding, while Scott or my Mom or sister cover for me with Kai and maybe I could even come home for a couple of hours to put her to bed while someone stays with Kai, and then I go back to the hospital to sleep. I'm not sure how I will do it, but I know that if God is presenting the situation, somehow he will provide the answers. Mind you, all of this with two other kiddos in the mix, AJ & Amanda. Little AJ is such a sweetheart and goes great with my sister and my Mom, but I hate to leave him again for 4 days since I will be leaving him for 2+ weeks to go to China. And Amanda is right now just shuffled in the mix between all these little siblings and their needs. It can truly be overwhelming and I am trying hard to take one day at a time and not think about it all at once, otherwise the guilt and feeling of inadequacy will kill me.

On a brighter note. Today I had the staffing meeting with the county in regards to Kai starting preschool with speech/language development classes in our school system. Again, I cannot emphasize enough to those of you bringing home your children to make use of the services that your state has to offer. Early Intervention has been so very beneficial to Kai. He is now aging out of that system and going into the school system's program. At the end of the meeting, it was concluded that he will be attending preschool full time, although I will start him part time until he is ready, at a great school only a mile away from our home. He qualifies for an hour of speech a week, plus we will continue to provide him with the additional hour a week that he now is receiving through EI, although it will be switched to private speech once he is 3. We are also very fortunate that our insurance company covers 60 speech therapy sessions a year. Therefore, allowing him to go year round, once a week!

He was so excited when I told him he was going to school. We take Amanda every morning and he just LOVES it. When I told him this morning, he grabbed his little backpack, loaded it with his little cars, trucks and treasures and stood by the garage door yelling, "Mama, come!" I just hope that when he starts, his enthusiasm remains. :) School will start August 20th for him. We are hoping that his surgery could be scheduled prior to that and that he be healed and ready to go by the time school starts.

That's about it for now. Scott will be coming home tomorrow and I cannot wait. Not only do I miss him, but I know the boys and Amanda miss him so much also. He is such an amazing daddy and one of the biggest blessings and integral part of our home.

My family is coming into town this weekend in celebration of my adorable nephew's graduation. I can't wait to see them. We haven't been together since March. And next weekend, my big boy, Tito, is coming up and I will have all of my babies at home, with the exception of our princess.

Thank you for your continued prayers and positive thoughts for our family and we emerge deeper into forming our family.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Anxiety, proscrastination and updates

So, I have a list a mile long of things to do. Families with LOA dates of 4/19 were receiving their TAs today. We are in the next batch with an LOA of 4/27. Our agency director informed me today that it has not been mailed out yet, but it will be "soon". Aaahhh....remember that word from my list of 10 things I've learned? heh! Hence, the "anxiety" portion of the title to this post. I have really LOTS to do. But, still no motivation. I sit here for hours on end, reading the same posts from group to group waiting to see who gets what new acronyms added to their title and where do we fall into that picture?!! Yes, I know. Many of you will tell me to be patient, it will be soon, , etc....etc. But, I clearly remember this part of the journey last time (and even with AJ), I really think this is the toughest part of the wait. You are so close yet, so far.

Again, I have to give a plug to our agency. They have truly been great. I've had oodles of questions and they have happily (at least appeared to be happy.....heh) answered each one of them. Our agency director told me this afternoon that our TA is waiting for a signature and she believes that there is a good chance that we will get it next week. At least I don't have to sit here and hold my breath thinking it will be here by Friday. We are still hoping, praying and wishing that everything continue to stay on task and we will be boarding that plane to China on June 6! When you think about it....that's REALLY pretty soon!!! Just the thought makes me all giddy. I have two dear friends who are leaving this week to meet their beautiful babies. One of them will be going to Anna Grace's orphanage and she will be checking in on our princess! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's see. What else is happening! OH!!!!!!!!! I almost forgot to post on here. I am playing the role of a single Mom this week. And yes, I have to say that I have such respect for all the single moms out there. My hat's off to you! I don't know how you do it. By 3:00 p.m., I am watching the clock and counting down how long before I can put the boys down for the night. I know...sorry, some of you may say that it's horrible that I would even think that, but it's tough handling two little ones 24/7 all by myself, and this week is also a very tough week. Kai had his annual appt. with the cleft team yesterday. I'll talk about that in a different post because it's rather complicated and I'm too tired. We had an appraiser come out to our house today (that made me a nervous wreck), Amanda has a big play that she is in this week (I have been getting costume together and rehearsing lines with her), Kai's staffing meeting for preschool is this week (another huge milestone) and I have to fit in speech therapy in there also. All that with a 1 year old and a 2 year old in tow.

So, you ask....why am I single? No, Scott hasn't decided to fly the coop. He's taking a class up north this week, so we took him to the airport on Sunday afternoon and he will be coming home late Friday night. In a way, I'm glad I've been so crazy because it hasn't given me the opportunity to miss him like I thought I would. You know....curled up in a corner whimpering. :) Actually, by the time night rolls around and I am done with everything I need to do, I'm wiped out and am out like a light.

He made some short videos for the boys and it is so cute to see. It's like the ones I left for Kai when we went to Tennessee. Kai sits in front of the computer and answers all of Scott's questions...i.e.; Are you being a good boy? Kai yells out..."YES!!!" Too cute. He's seen the same videos 10x and interacts each time like it's the first. And AJ sees Daddy on the monitor and claps and laughs!

And about the procrastination. Well, I've begun to pack. Anna Grace and Kai are almost completely packed, but it's so hard to make everything I need, or think I will need, fit it into the allotted number of suitcases I've given myself. It was waaaaaaay crazy last time with the amount of luggage we had (14 pieces!!!). I swore we would never do that again. And this time, it will be one less person carrying luggage because Amanda is not going with us ::sniff::, plus we'll have one extra baby. So, instead of trying to eliminate stuff from the list, I just put it down and figure I'll work on it when it gets closer. I also have a list of gifts to go out and get for the orphanage staff, notaries, director, etc., but do you think I've done that? Noooooooooo! And then, of course, there is all the stuff I could be doing here, like cleaning out closets, making more room for Anna Grace....but have I done that? Noooooooooooo. Instead, I choose to read yahoo groups and blogs of families now in China so that I could live vicariously through them while I wait. Nothing like running around like a chicken without a head the last minute, eh?

We also received our travel package from our agency, who by the way is awesome...did I mention that? We had a phone conference today to go over everything in the package. That was a first. Our past two international adoptions (including the failed one) both sent travel packages and figured we could read and follow the instructions on our own. It's nice to have your "hand held" :) But, truly, nothing could be finalized until we get travel approval and we can confirm our CA (consulate appt.).

That's pretty much my life in a nutshell the past week. My nephew is graduating high school this weekend and my family is coming into town, so you know nothing will get done....and then next weekend is Memorial Day weekend and Tito (my oldest son) is coming into town, plus it's Scott & Kai's birthday, so nothing will get done....and then the weekend after that is just a few days before we are supposed to board a plane. Hmmmm......I guess I am a masochist that likes doing things under extreme pressure.

Ok! I've rambled incessantly. Heading to bed and maybe I will crack open that 4th season of 24 tonight, if I'm not too tired. Sweet dreams everyone. Oh yea...one last thing! I still need to post Mother's Day pictures. UGH!

What it's all about

I know there are many different opinions on how people would have handled this situation, but I know that we would have done the same exact thing this family did.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Another Great Day!

Yes! Mother's day yesterday was wonderful. The boys woke up as usual around 7 a.m. Scott whispered to me that it was my day and to stay in bed. I knew I had to get the boys ready for church, but I complied.

I could hear them in the kitchen rattling pots and pans and giggling with their Daddy (and Ayi & Shu-Shu that had spent the night). About an hour later, in walks Kai carrying a gift bag with so much pride that his smile made the room glow! Then sweet little AJ followed with that little smile that he gives me every morning and said 'Hiiiiiiii!" They both climbed up on the bed with Mama. A few seconds later in walked Daddy....carrying a tray with the most delicious Eggs Benedict I've ever had, along with other yummy goodies. It felt so good to have my sweet boys with me. I had to stop and remember that this time last year, AJ was just a mere 1 month old, and Kai had been home for less than a month. What a difference a year makes.

I munched down all of the delicious food Scott made and shortly afterwards Amanda came home. She had been at her Dad's that night. I started opening cards, and as usual, just couldn't get through them without the tears flowing. I was especially moved when I received a card "from" Anna Grace, signed by her Daddy and telling me how much she wanted to come home. ::sniff::

We then all dressed and headed to church, where we met up with Po-Po and the rest of the family. Our middle guy, Adam, met us after church for lunch at one of my favorite places. OH! And I have to share my Mother's Day gifts. I received an official CTU (from the show 24) tshirt and Adam gave me a Season 4!!!!!!! Wooohoooo! Scott is out of town this week (I'll blog about that later) so I will definitely have something to fill the time while my sweet hubby is gone.

Tito called me early in the morning to say he missed and love me (brought tears to my eyes again) and that he was sorry he couldn't be there. He is coming up Memorial Day Weekend for Kai & Scott's birthday. Also my stepdaughter, Nicole, called and put a smile on my face. All in all it was a wonderful Mother's Day.

I'm off to take Kai to meet with the cleft team (his annual visit) but I will be posting pictures later tonight.

Another Great Day!

Yes! Mother's day yesterday was wonderful. The boys woke up as usual around 7 a.m. Scott whispered to me that it was my day and to stay in bed. I knew I had to get the boys ready for church, but I complied.

I could here them in the kitchen rattling pots and pans and giggling with their Daddy (and Ayi & Shu-Shu that had spent the night). About an hour later, in walks Kai carrying a gift bag with so much pride that his smile made the room glow! Then sweet little AJ followed with that little smile that he gives me every morning and said 'Hiiiiiiii!" They both climbed up on the bed with Mama. A few seconds later in walked Daddy....carrying a tray with the most delicious Eggs Benedict I've ever had, along with other yummy goodies. It felt so good to have my sweet boys with me. I had to stop and remember that this time last year, AJ was just a mere 1 month old, and Kai had been home for less than a month. What a difference a year makes.

I munched down all of the delicious food Scott made and shortly afterwards Amanda came home. She had been at her Dad's that night. I started opening cards, and as usual, just couldn't get through them without the tears flowing. I was especially moved when I received a card "from" Anna Grace, signed by her Daddy and telling me how much she wanted to come home. ::sniff::

We then all dressed and headed to church, where we met up with Po-Po and the rest of the family. Our middle guy, Adam, met us after church for lunch at one of my favorite places. OH! And I have to share my Mother's Day gifts. I received an official CTU (from the show 24) tshirt and Adam gave me a Season 4!!!!!!! Wooohoooo! Scott is out of town this week (I'll blog about that later) so I will definitely have something to fill the time while my sweet hubby is gone.

Tito called me early in the morning to say he missed and love me (brought tears to my eyes again) and that he was sorry he couldn't be there. He is coming up Memorial Day Weekend for Kai & Scott's birthday. Also my stepdaughter, Nicole, called and put a smile on my face. All in all it was a wonderful Mother's Day.

I'm off to take Kai to meet with the cleft team (his annual visit) but I will be posting pictures later tonight.

Another Great Day!

Yes! Mother's day yesterday was wonderful. The boys woke up as usual around 7 a.m. Scott whispered to me that it was my day and to stay in bed. I knew I had to get the boys ready for church, but I complied.

I could here them in the kitchen rattling pots and pans and giggling with their Daddy (and Ayi & Shu-Shu that had spent the night). About an hour later, in walks Kai carrying a gift bag with so much pride that his smile made the room glow! Then sweet little AJ followed with that little smile that he gives me every morning and said 'Hiiiiiiii!" They both climbed up on the bed with Mama. A few seconds later in walked Daddy....carrying a tray with the most delicious Eggs Benedict I've ever had, along with other yummy goodies. It felt so good to have my sweet boys with me. I had to stop and remember that this time last year, AJ was just a mere 1 month old, and Kai had been home for less than a month. What a difference a year makes.

I munched down all of the delicious food Scott made and shortly afterwards Amanda came home. She had been at her Dad's that night. I started opening cards, and as usual, just couldn't get through them without the tears flowing. I was especially moved when I received a card "from" Anna Grace, signed by her Daddy and telling me how much she wanted to come home. ::sniff::

We then all dressed and headed to church, where we met up with Po-Po and the rest of the family. Our middle guy, Adam, met us after church for lunch at one of my favorite places. OH! And I have to share my Mother's Day gifts. I received an official CTU (from the show 24) tshirt and Adam gave me a Season 4!!!!!!! Wooohoooo! Scott is out of town this week (I'll blog about that later) so I will definitely have something to fill the time while my sweet hubby is gone.

Tito called me early in the morning to say he missed and love me (brought tears to my eyes again) and that he was sorry he couldn't be there. He is coming up Memorial Day Weekend for Kai & Scott's birthday. Also my stepdaughter, Nicole, called and put a smile on my face. All in all it was a wonderful Mother's Day.

I'm off to take Kai to meet with the cleft team (his annual visit) but I will be posting pictures later tonight.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Happy Mothers' Day

I wanted to wish all of the Mothers and Mothers-to-be out there a wonderful and blessed Mothers' Day. May you rejoice in the blessings of the beautiful children surrounding you.

For those Mamas still waiting, may your day be filled with dreams of how incredibly awesome it will be when you are finally holding your precious child. There is no doubt that being a Mother is the best job in the world and so worth the wait.

I also wanted to say a very special prayer to all of the birthmoms who have no idea where those beautiful babies are that they gave life to. May God fill their hearts with peace in knowing that their children are loved beyond measure.

And last but not least, to my own Mom....I love you so very much! Thank you for all of the sacrifices that you have made throughout your life for us. For being a shining example of what a Mother should be. I am so very proud to call you my Mom. You are one of my life's biggest blessings, Mom.


Friday, May 11, 2007

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The 10 things I've learned....

since we started adopting 3.5 years ago.

  1. There is no such word as "soon" in the adoption world.
  2. Never expect anything and you will receive the unexpected.
  3. You have NO control over anything, so you might as well turn it over to God from day one.
  4. As much as I want to believe I have learned to be patient, it's just not me.
  5. The cost invoved with adoptions always go up and never down.
  6. No one except those actually going thru or having gone thru the process truly understands what you are ranting about.
  7. Simple two and three letter acronyms added to your signature line means the world to you.
  8. You are never prepared to go, regardless of how many months you have been packed, had the nursery ready and funds available.
  9. You can easily fall madly, head-over-heels-in-love with a child you have never physically seen, but have carried a crumpled picture of everywhere you go to show off how beautiful they are.
  10. Regardless of how much you labor, and the pains and trials you go through....you would do it again in a heartbeat to hold that precious child that tonight you will kiss and tuck into bed.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Honey, we're home!!

Kai is home from the hospital and feeling no pain. Thank you, Lord! Everything went as smooth as it could possibly have gone. Poor little guy. We walked into the prep room where the hospital beds are separated by curtains and he realized immediately where he was. The look of total surprise was immediately followed by a choke hold around my neck and him yelling, "No! No! No!" as he pointed to the gurney. It broke my heart.

I asked him if he wanted Daddy to lay down on the bed and he said, "No!" I then asked if he wanted Mama to lay down and he said, "No!" Then he turned and pointed to the nurse and then to the bed and told her "Sleep!" It was okay for her but not him, his Mama or Daddy. Too cute!

The nurses were wonderful and agreed on waiting till his received his "cocktail" before even taking his vital signs. After about 15 minutes, he was feeling much better and I sat on the bed with him while we read a story and he played with the medical equipment that she had left on the bed. The light on the oxygen meter that goes on his finger was a definite hit! (note to self: get one for Christmas!)

Then another 15 minutes later, the OR nurse (a man) came, picked him up and tossed him in the air like an airplane. Kai giggled and thought...."Fun!" He was then wisked away before we even had a chance to say goodbye or give hugs or kisses.....but I know that was probably best.

Scott and I walked out to the waiting room and sat down. I pulled out my rosary to do a quick chaplet of Divine Mercy while we waited and I only was just starting the third decade when the surgeon came out to tell us he was all done and we could head to the recovery room. It was that quick.

When we got back there, he was still asleep. The nurse woke him and he was a bit dazed about where he was and who she was. Then he saw Daddy and I standing there and he was all smiles. He was offered some apple juice which he gulped down and we were home less than an hour later.

He came home, had lunch, took a 2 hour nap and is sitting happily watching the movie "Cars" for the 3rd time. No pain and life is good. Thank you, Jesus!!! And thank you to all of you for your support, well wishes and prayers. God bless.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Prayer request and updates

First, let me start off with our updates. We received notice from our agency today that our LOA was sent out on Thursday and should be sitting on someone's desk at CCAA right now!!!!!

I sprained my ankle over the weekend and thank God for my wonderful hubby who allowed me to sit on the couch while he played Mr. Mom....AND made an amazing dinner last night!!! I am feeling much better, and although still "hopping" a bit, he was able to go to work without babysitting me.

Lastly, I am please asking all prayer warriors to step forward and pray for our little Kai. Last week I took him for his regular checkup with the ENT and it was found that both his tubes were blocked. What does this mean? Well, I am awaiting a phone call for the exact time that we need to show up on Wed. (May 9) for more surgery to remove the existing tubes and replace them with new ones. Although this surgery is common and will take less time than it will for us to drive to the hospital, it is always scary and possibly risky when a child (or anyone for that matter) has to be put under general anesthesia.

I am lifting up our sweet boy to our Lord and Savior and I am confident that, as in his previous surgeries, Jesus will guide the surgeon's hands and our blessed Mother will be present making Kai feel safe and secure.

Thank you all for your support and prayers.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Raise This Child



I have formed this little child

you hold within your heart.

My mercy and My goodness

have been there from the start.

The face, the hands, the smile -

I shaped all that you see.

Take this gift I've given you

and raise this child for me.


My sister gave me a frame for Christmas for each of the kids with this poem on it and their pictures. Each time I read it, I get chills thinking about the fact that these are His children and that the Lord chose me, above all women, to be their Mama and to raise them in His name.
What an honor!!!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Am I Official Now?

I think so!! I am now what you call an official Mom! After many ways of trying to figure out how to squeeze in 3 carseats and Amanda into our little sport SUV, we came to the conclusion that "it ain't gonna happen"! So, we spent last weekend car shopping. And finally today we came home with a new minivan. A Chrysler Town and Country Touring.

This was last item we needed for Anna Grace. We are so excited and the kids all love the new car. It feels weird having the boys in the car seat so far away from me, but I know I'll get used to it.

I'm also feeling pretty spoiled because it comes with all the bells and whistles, including leather, DVD, EVERYTHING electric, and even has those fancy shmancy seat warmers for the Florida winters. tee hee hee!!! All we need now is a beautiful little China doll to sit in the empty car seat and we are ready to roll.

No, this is not one of the boys saying this....it's me!!

My Mom and sister have been
HERE all week, and while I'm insanely jealous of them (in a good way!) and am thrilled that they are basking in the sun, hanging out with the bands, and worshipping our Lord amidst the beauty of the mountains and the sea.....I MISS THEM!!!

A couple of times this week I've picked up the phone to call my Mom and tell her something, then I remember she's on the cruise. They did call when they got to Ocho Rios yesterday, but I think it's because they wanted to speak to Kai. ::wink::
So, Mom and Ily....yeah, yeah....I'm glad you're having a great time, but hurry home!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my Lord!! My sides and my head hurt from laughing for the past half hour at THIS!!!! I'm in love with this little guy. Soooooooo cute!!!